


BREAKING BONES

by CocoRose



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Anguish, Physical Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-19 11:02:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 69,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9437252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CocoRose/pseuds/CocoRose
Summary: Kirk's been after Bones' ass for years. But he was always denied. There is something that's holding Bones back. A secret that's buried deep and well inside him. Or so he thought.





	1. The Ghost of the Past

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Star Trek fanfiction, this is also the first time I write in English (being a German) and it's mostly dark and angsty; not straight away, but getting there. There will be no major character death, but there will be suffering, both physical and mental. Title says all.

Rating: NC-17/mature  
Setting: On earth, post Star Trek (2009), pre Into Darkness  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Duh.

 _Looking up at the stars, I know quite well_  
_That, for all they care, I can go to hell,_  
_But on earth indifference is the least_  
_We have to dread from man or beast._

 _How should we like it were stars to burn_  
_With a passion for us we could not return?_  
_If equal affection cannot be,_  
_Let the more loving one be me._

 _Admirer as I think I am_  
_Of stars that do not give a damn,_  
_I cannot, now I see them, say_  
_I missed one terribly all day._

 _Were all stars to disappear or die,_  
_I should learn to look at an empty sky_  
_And feel its total dark sublime,_  
_Though this might take me a little time._

_\- The More Loving One, W. H. Auden_

 

Healing mental injuries of traumatized patients never was Star Fleets' top priority. Whether you were pierced by an enemies' blade, a blaster made Swiss cheese of you or you were phaser-burned so bad your whole body seems to be on fire, you were welcome to be stitched back together by the finest of Star Fleets' medical staff. They would patch you up, you'd receive a handshake from your admiral and a medal, if you were worth the effort. If you were unfortunate enough to be a K.I.A.-case, to be killed in action, they'd collect your body parts and stitch them back together, until you were halfway fit for an open coffin. If everything else fails, and there was not enough of you to still call it a body, there were always holograms.

 For all of these scenarios there was a rule of conduct to follow, a plan laid out, all for the purpose of ensuring minimum friction. Nobody wants a scandal, last of all Star Fleet Admiralty, not after all the bad press following the _Narada_ incident, when the very young son of a legend had to save Star Fleet's ass at the very last moment before said ship would've destroyed the whole planet, and, yet worse, drawn attention to the fact that  Headquarters sent almost their whole fleet blindly and impulsively into a trap laid out by a mad-by-grief Romulan, with terrible results and a crippling number of deaths. The outcry among the people of earth would have been very unwelcome, but luckily for Star Fleet HQ, James T. Kirk was there to save the day, and destroy the romulan ship with the help of his outstanding crew alone. In the light of such victory, few heard the devastated cries of the dead crewmen's families.

 Star Fleet Medical didn't hear much of them, either, but they followed their rule of conduct, and made those few bodies, that the sent transporter ships were able to collect, the remains of the has-been pride of Star Fleet, presentable and fit for funeral, with all honors. There would'nt've been much else to do for the Medicals, as there were almost no survivors to treat, if it hadn't been for the mental scars that those who had happened to survive brought back with them: women and men of human, vulcan or other origin, that were in dire need of treatment after the horrors they had witnessed, be it the eradication of almost an entire class of Star Fleet graduates (their friends and comrades) in front of their eyes, or the loss of an entire planet.

And the doctors and nurses did try to help them, of course. But there were simply too few survivors among them, too, to do much more than hand out tranquilizers and sleeping pills.

 

 Dr. Leonard Horatio McCoy, Chief Medical Officer of the victorious USS _Enterprise,_ knew all that. After the _Enterprise_ 's return to earth, he'd been among the medical staff to treat the patients. He did his best to help those too traumatized to speak, to offer some comfort, although he knew better than to believe he made much progress. What these crewmen needed were friends to talk to about all the horror, to share it, make it smaller as time healed wounded souls. But most of their classmates were dead, and there were some horrors not even time could fade.

Leonard McCoy knew all that. He had his own demons lurking in his soul, trying to break out especially in stressful times like this. But he'd buried them. As would the unfortunate survivors he treated.

McCoy was in a better position, as he still did have his best friend to talk to. Jim Kirk had been through a rough childhood, a forlorn youth and a challenging career at Star Fleet. He knew how to bury things, too. Yet he'd risen to those challenges and obstacles formidably, he'd grown with them. McCoy admired his friend for his ability to come out of the most dangerous adventures almost unscathed (if Leonard could help it), and, after the battle was won, with an easy smile and a still-cheerful attitude, full of self-assuredness.

McCoy seldom smiled. It was not his character, and it tired him to try. Those rare times he was able to ease up a bit, he was with Kirk. Period. There was no one that close to him, no one he would've trusted to tell him of some of his demons. He had Joanna, of course. His young daughter was the only woman he'd ever truly loved besides his mother. But in those few days and weeks every year he was able to see her, he made sure his daughter knew nothing of his darker thoughts. And he was not ever going to change that. Joanna heard enough negative talk about him; his ex saw to that.

That left him with Jim as his only source of comfort, and wasn't Jim ready to give it! Sometimes McCoy wondered how it would be to just let Jim Kirk have his way with him, let him become his lover - Leonard knew it was what his younger friend wanted. Almost since their first meeting on the plane to Star Fleet Academy, Jim had made it clear that he was not only interested in both genders, but in Leonard as well. But as Jim was also interested in breaking the Academy record for getting laid, he'd not paid much attention to his comrades' advances. Every half-year or so, Jim would get all purr-y and touch-y around him, would invite him to expensive restaurants that were well beyond his paycheck as a cadet, or he would cook himself for his "Bones" at their dormitory. Afterwards, he would make his move, graceful as a panther and with the determination of someone not used to be turned down. And Leonard would turn him down. Gently and kindly, because Kirk was his friend, or quickly and forcefully, when Jim happened to be in a drink-induced passion and his lust would make him incautious enough to simply shove his tongue in McCoy's mouth or his hand down his pants.

But once or twice, Leonard had let himself be held, be caressed and gently kissed, let himself be lost in his imagery of _being loved,_ until he had drawn away. He simply couldn't be another one of Jim Kirks conquests; it would ruin the only working relationship he'd ever had.

It was not that he didn't love him. Hell, of course he did! How could you not love the vivacity, the cheerfulness, the passion that was James Tiberius Kirk? How could you not be lost in those azure eyes that sparkled with mischief unless they sparkled with anger or lust? How could you not want to run your fingers through that blonde hair, run them over that smooth, if scarred, skin?

The whole planet loved him. And all the planet let their pants down for him.

Leonard knew very shortly after that remarkable first meeting that he was completely, irrevocably in love with Jim. Not in the way the planet was in love; after Kirk's heroics, the fame and all. He was in love in a deeper, a quieter way, a way that made his heart feel his friend's pain when he was injured, and he was injured a lot, reckless kid that he was. A way that made him come to him every single time Jim called, be it three in the morning or not, a way that made him silently vow never to leave his side, be it on the planet he loved or in the endlessly dark space that he hated. Shortly after that first meeting, Leonard knew he was all in.

It wasn't a problem that he was not into men, generally. It was true he preferred the softness of women over the hardness of men, but he also preferred _Jim_ over anybody else. And he didn't have to be with any other man, after all...

 The sharp ringing of his mobile communicator pulled McCoy out of his musings.

"McCoy here."

"Doctor McCoy, you're expected at the office of Admiral Pike, for his weekly check-up. You're already five minutes past the appointed time," came a cold voice out of the device.

"Shit - I mean, I'm sorry, I'm already on my way!"

The curse slipped past Leonard's lips before he could hold it back. Hastily he stumbled to his feet and out of his office in the med bay at Star Fleet Academy. The teaching station had been turned into a fully-fledged hospital after all the patients - many of them Vulcans - had come in. Add to that the shortage of medical equipment for so many patients and the lack of doctors and you had the reason why McCoy was dozing off at his desk - he had been made one of the senior doctors due to his year-long experience before he had entered Star Fleet. With that promotion came all the administrative burdens of his new position, and frankly, the paperwork was boring as shit. The last two night he'd been on double shift, to make things worse, and now he was late for his appointment with the very man he'd saved after Jim Kirk had brought him back from the _Narada._ He had performed the difficult surgery on the paralyzed Captain Pike, and was able to give him back his mobility. Pike had been relieved of his Captaincy by Jim, and been made Admiral.

 

When he rushed into the pre-chamber of Pike's office, he met the cold voice from the communicator in persona. The ash-blonde secretary looked at him with disdain, taking in his disheveled appearance and slept-in clothing.

"Doctor McCoy, I know when _Admiral..._ " she put emphasis on the title, "...Pike is expecting someone, he expects them _on time_." Again the emphasis. Leonard could barely check his temper; he was permanently short-fused these days.

"I do realize that. I'm not usually late for appointments. I'll go straight to the Admiral, then." And he hurried past her table before she could do much more than stutter her protest.

The office of Admiral Pike was nice; it was spacious and even-floored to accommodate the still-recuperating Pike. From the windows one had a spectacular view over San Francisco Bay. The man in question himself sat in his wheelchair that he technically no longer needed, but Leonard had made him promise to take it slow about using his legs again. McCoy was a bitch about things like that, and he was famous for his occasional outbursts at patients who had not given themselves enough time to heal and had a relapse. The whole campus feared his temper, and McCoy liked it that way.

Now, though,  he was looking rather sheepish at his - by far -  senior officer.

"I'm sorry, Admiral. I was... deep in thought and didn't realize I was late."

The Admiral brushed off his apology with a move of his hand. "No harm done. I've got time. Thanks to you," Pike shot a meaningful glace at McCoy. "Without you, Dr McCoy, I wouldn't have survived."

"Surely my colleagues would have been able to save you too, Sir," Leonard answered and put down his med bag, fishing for his tricorder.

"Save me, yes," Pike said slowly as he removed the upper part of his uniform. "But barely anyone but you could have pulled off that kind of surgery. It was the work of a genius that gave me back my legs. No, seriously," Pike insisted as Leonard shook his head modestly. "You did what few could've done, Dr McCoy. I will be forever grateful for that."

Leonard felt slightly uncomfortable at all the praise. "It was most of all Captain Kirk's bravery that got you out of that enemy ship, Sir."

Pike regarded him for a long moment. "I've noticed your reluctance to accept well-deserved praise before, Doctor. A rare trait in your profession. As in mine."

After a few moments of silence, Leonard coughed and moved closer to Pike's bare back. The tricorder beeped quietly as he moved it down the repaired spine, checking the data the device was giving him. After he was satisfied, he put it away and moved his hands down the same path, checking the new muscle build and looking for sore spots. He had always liked to use his hands too; to not solely rely on his equipment.

He ended his examination with a contented sigh. "All's fine, Sir. I'm letting you out of this chair."

"Excellent!" Pike was on his feet immediately. "Then I can walk to my next meeting on my own feet. By the way, I need you there, too. You see, I did notice the... less than optimal situation in our Med Bay, the shortage of doctors and nurses..."

McCoy nodded to that. "...And since we can't wait for new cadets to finish their training, I've decided to hire people from other academies."

Leonard was surprised. "Why not from other hospitals, Sir?"

Pike huffed. "Because I couldn't get any! All hospitals in the region are short on staff, too. Anyway, I only asked for the best, so don't worry, I'm not going to corrupt your station, Doctor," he said with a wink.

"Well... The meeting starts at 10:00 am, that's about an hour, so I recommend you to change your clothes. Oh, and shave maybe."

Leonard felt instinctively for his cheek and winced slightly at the stubble. "Right..."

 

"There you are, Bones!"

A cheerful voice greeted McCoy just in front of his quarters. He didn't need to look up to know who it was, but he did, to be rewarded with the sight of no other than Jim, whose face was all rays of sunshine, as usual. Leonard couldn't help himself but flash his trademark crooked smile at his younger friend and former roomie, now senior officer (unless it came to medical questions, of course). He took in his friend's striking appearance: spotless grey uniform, not a hair on his head was out of place. He sighed as he compared them mentally - Jim has always had a certain style which suited his fine features. He, himself, always treated dangerously close to messiness. That he'd not gotten into trouble about it as a cadet was all his ex-roommates' doing: Kirk had had an eye on his Bones as much as Leonard had had an eye on Jim.

"Mornin', Jim. What brings you here? Isn't it a little too early for you? I heard you've been very busy last night..." The way McCoy finished the sentence made it clear he was not impressed and they both heard the unsaid "... _again?_ "

Kirk had the decency to look slightly embarrassed. "No, no, we got to bed quite early-" Realizing how that sounded, he hurried to change the subject. "-Anyway, I wanted to see you. I know it was a hard week..."

McCoy sighed again and, quickly entering his quarter code, beckoned Kirk inside.

"Yeah, you could say that. I'd actually missed my check-up with Pike, if his charming secretary hadn't reminded me... I swear that woman is a bloodhound!"

Jim laughed. "I hear ya, Bones. But I really don't know what it is about you that upsets the woman so much. She likes _me_ just fine!"

" _Everybody_ likes you!"

"Not _everybody_!"

"Who doesn't?"

"Well... Cupcake, for example!" Jim and Leonard both grinned when they thought of the bulky cadet that Jim'd made his enemy even before he'd started at the academy.

"He will come to like you, Jim. They always do," McCoy said quietly and earnestly. His friend lifted an eyebrow. "Is that jealousy I hear, Bones?"

"Hell, no!" Leonard shook his head decidedly. "I like my reputation as a grumpy old bastard. Keeps annoying people out of my way."

Jim chuckled and stepped closer, almost into reach. "It didn't keep _me_ away..."

The sudden electricity in the air made Leonard slightly uncomfortable. "Well, you are... very persistent."

Jim's eyes flashed. "I am indeed." He was so close now that McCoy could feel the body heat radiating off the other. He unconsciously took a step back, and hit the wall. Jim followed slowly, predatorily, and smiled.

"You're up against the wall, Bones... What are you going to do?"

Leonard froze when Jim lifted his hand and gently put it against his cheek, his thump moving back and forward. He swallowed nervously. "I..."

Kirk leaned in and brushed his lips against his mouth in a feathery kiss. "You know, Bones..."

McCoy fought very hard not to lean into his friend. This was so much what he wanted, and yet... "What?"

"...You really should shave."

And that killed the mood. McCoy snorted annoyed when Kirk stepped away, laughing. "I intended to do just that, before you decided to have a go at me again! You - you really should stop that, Jim."

His friend contemplated him for a while, then slowly shook his head. "Not gonna happen. As you said - I'm persistent!"

McCoy sighed (it really was a habit around Kirk) and decided to let it go. "Well, I'm gonna take a shower now. I gotta meet with Pike again in an hour." Jim quirked an eyebrow.

"Something wrong with him?"

"No, he's fit as a fiddle." Leonard took off the scrubs he usually wore at Med Bay. Neither of them had a problem  with nudity in front of the other; they'd been roommates for years and as Jim's doctor, Leonard couldn't count the times he'd stripped Kirk when he'd come back from another suicide mission and was bleeding all over the place. "He wants me to meet the medical personal he's hired from other academies to help out."

"Well, that's nice of him, isn't it? He wants your opinion on his choices."

McCoy paused in taking off his boxers. "...I guess you're right. Didn't look at it that way." he shrugged. "I should be on time, then." He looked expectantly at Jim. The center of attention crooked his head.

"What? Do you want me to leave?"

"Are you going to watch me shower if I'd let you stay?"

"No..." Jim tried in vain to look innocent. "...maybe."

McCoy shook his head, exasperated. "You're a horny dog, Jim, know that?"

Jim grinned. "That's why you love me!" But he stood up from his place on Leonard's couch anyway. "Let's meet later for lunch?"

"A cup o' coffee, maybe," answered McCoy and nodded. "I'll give ya a call when the meeting's over."

"Alright!" Jim literally bounced out of the door. "See ya, Bones!"

After the automated door had closed behind his friend, Leonard still stared at it. "You'd never believe tha' guy  the goddamn' _captain_ of a starship..."

 

Pike was already waiting for him outside the conference room, although he was perfectly on time. He wore now the official white uniform with the high collar that marked him as a senior medical officer. The Admiral nodded to him and turned towards the door. "Let's have a look at them, shall we?"

"Right behind you, Sir." McCoy followed Pike into the crowded room, unobtrusively regarding his gait, making a note of the slight limping on the left side. The Admiral was walking on a cane, but he held himself ramrod straight. Leonard silently admired the man. It took an extraordinary amount of willpower to recover so well in such a short time after being tortured almost to death just a few months ago.

The Admiral stepped up to a small pedestal and cleared his throat. McCoy silently arrayed himself behind him. The room fell silent and Pike began to speak: "I am grateful that so many of you volunteered to help Star Fleet out in a moment of need. As you know, our staff was severely decimated during the battle with the romulan vessel, the _Narada_..." 

Leonard's admiration for the man grew. Not many of the Admirals would've spoken so openly about the disaster. But as he knew all the facts, he let his attention wander over the assembled women and men. They were about two dozen, some of them already in their medical attire, others in plain clothing. He recognized some faces from medical magazines or because he'd met them before on other medical conferences. He jumped slightly when he heard Pike say his name.

"-Doctor Leonard H. McCoy, will be supervising the station and assign everyone to their position. Doctor, would you like to say a few words?"

"Uhm - sure." Leonard walked up to Pike and wondered what he'd say. He decided to just call things by their name, like Pike. "Many of the patients came here with heavy traumas, so much of the work you'll be doing is talking to them, find out the sources of their fear and anger, and help them recover. I don't want anyone to simply hand out pills," he wanted to make that absolutely clear. "I need you to offer guidance. We've got cases of paranoia, different sorts of phobia, and irate behavior. I need you to find out which is the case and assign the patient to the respective form of stress therapy."

While he spoke, McCoy caught a glimpse of a certain face in the crowd, one that he'd never thought he'd see again, and almost lost his trail of thought.

"-Well, I will be accessible for any question you may have... at any hour," he added as an afterthought. He bent his head to find the face again, but didn't see it. _'Must have imagined it... Gods, please let me have imagined it...'_

"Thank you, Doctor McCoy. Straight to the point, as usual." Pike grinned at him. "Now, Ladies and Gentlemen, please have a drink before we show you to your quarters. You'll be able to unpack, and you'll meet Dr McCoy later in our Medical Bay again." With that, the Admiral stepped off the platform and walked over to some tables standing next to the wall which Leonard only noticed now held several different sorts of beverages. Pike was already mingling with the medics, shaking hands here and there and discussing things, while McCoy was still standing rooted to the spot. When he finally moved off the pedestal, too, he was immediately surrounded with people.

"Dr McCoy, I am pleased to make your acquaintance. My name is Cornelia Bogart, I'm from the UCLA..."

"I'm David Butler from Austin, Texas. I've read your essay about the treatment of the Ankaran flu..."

"I've heard so much about you, McCoy, one can hardy read a medical journal these days without your name popping up every few pages! By the way, my name's Crystal Hoffman..."

And so on and on. Leonard thought his hand must soon fall off from all the shaking. He'd liked to speak with some of them longer, but he was handed around like a ping pong ball. Now and then he looked over his shoulder, dreading to see a certain person standing behind him, but-

"Hello, McCoy."

Leonard froze. _' That voice!'_ Slowly, he turned around and faced the last person he ever wished to see.

The man in front of him was of average height, but bulkily build. When Leonard had last seen him, he'd not yet have the beer belly he was sporting now. He had dark, graying hair, which was new, too, and wore glasses with watery blue eyes behind them, that were intensely fixed on Leonard.

"I see you've made something out of you. But then again, you've been one of my brightest students. How's that charming girlfriend of yours? Didn't you have a brat?"

McCoy still didn't say a word, all he could do was stare at the man who'd once made his life a real nightmare. The silence stretched and Leonard could see the small cruel smile play around the corner of the man's mouth. Before he could respond, though, Admiral Pike suddenly appeared by his side.

"Ah, yes, Dr McCoy, I guess you already know Dr Burgh! Aren't you teaching at Dr McCoy's Alma Mater, the University of Mississippi?"

"Indeed, Admiral," answered Dr Burgh, although he never took his piercing gaze off Leonard. "As it happens, I was one of McCoy's Professors at the Ole Miss."

"I see, what a coincidence! Have you been in contact all those years?" Pike looked expectantly at him, so McCoy shook his head. Once again, the silence grew uncomfortably long, and Pike furrowed his brow. "Are you alright, Doctor McCoy?"

"I would believe he is just surprised to see me. It's quite a distance between San Francisco and Oxford. And it's been a while, too, right McCoy? You see," he turned to the Admiral. "He had the most charming little girlfriend back then. What was her name again?"

Leonard finally found his voice. "Jocelyn."

"Right! What happened with her?"

McCoy clenched his teeth but forced the answer out. "We separated."

Again, there was that tiny cruel smile in Dr Burgh's face. "Did you indeed.."

"...Well, I have to discuss a few more points with Dr McCoy. If you'll excuse us, Doctor..."

Leonard felt himself being gently led away by Admiral Pike. His thoughts were still a total chaos. When he got his bearings again, he was standing outside the conference room in the empty hallway. Pike was watching him very intently. McCoy noticed he had his hand around his right upper arm.

"Are you alright, Doctor? Good lord, you look as if you might faint!"

"I'm...alright," Leonard croaked out. "I'm just... I haven't eaten in a day." It was not a lie and a ready excuse when he needed one. Pike nodded slowly, not quite convinced. "Shall I order something to eat to your quarters?"

"No, thank you, Sir. I... am meeting with Captain Kirk for lunch."

"I see. Well then, don't let him wait. Kirk's not especially famous for his patience." Pike grinned and Leonard tried his best to do the same. "No, that's not."

"I've been on the receiving end of his wrath, too, you know..." Pike winked at him. Leonard knew the Admiral had a soft spot for the young Captain who he'd found as a irate boy and juvenile offender and helped turn into one of Star Fleets' finest. "...but I know with you he is much tamer than with anyone else. You have a good influence on him, McCoy, and I know you're his best friend. I'm glad he has you."

With that, the Admiral turned around an left Leonard to stare after him.

 

Said former-irate-boy-now-captain sat currently in the Academy's cafeteria and impatiently checked his watch for the fifteenth time. "Where IS he??" he asked so loud the heads from the table next to him turned around. Softer, he continued to interrogate himself. "He is probably doing it on purpose, as revenge for this morning..." When Kirk looked up, he smiled as he saw his friend finally enter the cafeteria and waved to him, but froze, once Leonard was close enough so Jim could see the expression on his face.

"Bones," he exclaimed, and, when heads turned again, quieter: "What happened? Are you sick? You look sick! Shall I take you to a doctor-?"

"I AM a doctor, if you'll remember, Jim. I'm fine, I just need to sit down a moment."

"Sure..." Jim's face was still full of concern, but he waited silently for Leonard to take his seat and order a cup of coffee. The cute waitress batted her eyelashes at Jim. "Do you want anything, too, sweetie?"

Jim couldn't help but smile dazzlingly back. "Yes, I'd like a coffee too and a piece of chocolate pie, please. Bones," he turned to his friend, "don't you want anything to eat?"

He frowned when McCoy simply shook his head, but shrugged and smiled again at the waitress, who looked like she might get wet from it, and hurried off with a "Right away, dear!".

"So, what happened? Did Pike force you to make a speech or something?"

Leonard considered a moment before answering. Jim was a genius; he'd know if he lied straight away. Besides, he didn't like being dishonest with the only one he considered a friend.

"He did force me to make a speech, but... I met someone I'd thought I'd never see again..." When Leonard did not immediately continue, Jim prompted: "...And you were not happy to see them?"

"No." McCoy sighed.

"Well, who is it?"

"A former Professor of mine. He's teachin' at the Ole Miss."

"And why didn't you want to see him again?"

Before Leonard could answer (and he didn't really know what he should tell his friend), the coffee and the cake for Jim arrived. The waitress smiled again at Kirk and after not-so-subtly slipping him a note, probably with her communicator ID, left them alone.

McCoy lifted his eyebrow. "You gonna call her?"

Jim shrugged. "Maybe. Dunno."

Leonard shook his head. "You really let nothing go to waste, kid..."

Kirk tilted his head. "I'd be good for you, too, you know?"

"What?"

"Getting laid. At least now and then."

"I- I _am_ having sex!"

"Oh, right. That one girl from the astronomy class. That was ages ago!"

"Well, I'm just not  interested in one-nighters. Besides, you're getting all the girls, anyway."

"I _told_ you I'd be more than happy to arrange a threesome-"

"That's NOT what I meant!" Leonard's face was fifty shades of red.

"-or, if you don't like the girls I come up with, have a look at the boys!" Jim leaned in conspiratorially. "Some of them are very good looking and really just waiting for such a fine piece of ass as-"

" _Stop it!"_   McCoy's voice made all the heads turn. Jim stopped and took a closer look at his friend, whose hands were clenched around his cup. "I could _never_ be with another man, Jim!"

Although the noise of the talking people all around them was quite loud, the silence between the two friends was audible.

"...I see," said Jim finally and started to get up. For some reason he avoided Leonard's eyes. "You know, I have to... do some things. See ya later, Bones." He left the cafeteria through the main entrance. McCoy groaned and buried his face in his hands. "Just great..."

 

^^y^^

I hope you liked it so far. Poor Bones, Jim's really annoying (but for a good cause). Stay with me for _Chapter 2: Lost in Feeling_

-CocoRose


	2. Lost in Feeling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Thank you very much for the encouraging reviews/kudos/follows! I was surprised that so many of you think my work worthwhile. I hope you'll stay with me through this one, too. I'd like to acknowledge my beta, Louisa, who is also my sister (good thing to have an Anglistics student in the family!).
> 
> Chapter's warnings: Aggressive Bones. MxM (in case you failed to notice until now). Make-do translation of poetry from German into English by the author (God help us!).

 

_Because I love you I came to you_   
_in the night, whispering wild_   
_Taking, so you may never forget me,_   
_your soul with me in flight_

_It's with me now and mine alone_   
_to harm or take care of;_   
_no angel will deliver you_   
_from my wild, burning love_

_\- Weil ich dich liebe, Hermann Hesse, freely translated from German_

 

**Chapter 2: Lost in Feeling**

 

Leonard knew he had hurt Jim. His intellect, although not quite the genius level of his friend, was great enough to understand as much. He knew he needed to make it up to Jim. He decided to ask him over for dinner tonight and explain as best as he could... without touching untouchable topics. He took out his communicator and dialed Kirk's ID, since long learned by heart. It rang. And rang. Just when he decided to give up and try later, Jim answered with a curt: "Yes?"  
McCoy winched. He was in deep trouble. "Jim, listen... I would like to - I really need to talk to you, explain a few things. You misunderstood me..." He paused for a reaction, but, as none came, continued.  
"I don't fancy doing this on the comm, would you come over for dinner later, say, around eight? I'll fix us something..."  
"...Alright," came the reply at long last, "but _I'll_ cook. Everything you try to come up with ends in disaster and destruction of some sort of furniture."

After the call, McCoy headed over to Med Bay. He was too early for his appointment with the medics (he tried very hard not to think of one specific medic) but he could just as well catch up on some paperwork in the meantime. When he reached the Bay, he was glad to see his favorite nurse was on duty.  
"Hello, Christine."  
The blonde Christine Chapel turned and waved. She was his Head Nurse on the _Enterprise_ , and one of the few colleagues he truly liked (and didn't think a total imbecile).  
"Hello, Leonard." They'd long resolved to first names. "You're early."  
The statement was given in a unsurprised manner, since McCoy had a habit of showing up too early for shifts and leaving too late. So he just nodded. "You've heard about the new medics, right?"  
"Yes," she said. "Are they ok?" What she was really asking was: _"Are they worth working in our Med Bay?"_  
He shrugged. "We'll see. Most seem good enough. They'll be here in one and a half hour or so; I'll be in my office."  
"Right."

Paperwork (he still called it that although nobody was still using actual paper) was really the most mind-numbing, yawn-inducing thing ever known to humanity. Leonard hated it with a passion and yet it was his duty that he simply couldn't neglect. So he worked his way through admission protocols, signed off health certificates, and answered the most pressing mail. Since he took every opportunity to treat actual patients (and since there were so few doctors, it was often the case), an enormous mountain had piled up. He was so engrossed in his work that he almost overheard Christine knocking on his office door.  
"Doctor, the medics have arrived." She always used his title when other persons were around.  
"Yeah, right." He really didn't look forward to showing around a bunch of other doctors and nurses... _'He'll be there, too.'_ ...maybe he could hand over the nurses to Chapel.  
McCoy stepped out of his office and strode over briskly to the assembled crowd. Faces turned expectantly into his direction. He quickly tallied their number.  
"I'm glad to see everybody made it here." A total lie. There was one person in the back row that he wouldn't mind missing. "As I already told you, most help is needed with the mental trauma patients. Since we didn't have the capacity to keep them all here, we kept the most severe cases - many in danger of suicide - and housed the others nearby on campus. They're having appointments for their check-ups. Most of them will want some privacy to talk, so you can take a walk with them, have a coffee, do whatever you think will work to get them to talk to you. If you think they're in immediate danger of harming themselves or others, you can admit them to the Med Bay. Some of you have had psychological training?"  
About ten of the twenty-four nodded. "Right. I'd like you to tend to the severe cases. Just... keep them from killing themselves." He gestured to Christine. "This is Nurse Chapel. I'd like all the nurses to report to her. She will show you around..."  
When the nurses had wandered off with Christine, Leonard counted the remaining medics again. _'Seven.'_ "Right... Come with me, then."

It took the whole afternoon to assign the doctors to their positions. Leonard took care to talk to them and find out the strengths and weaknesses of everyone and assigned them accordingly. The one he knew the most about and despised like no other, he saved until there was no reason not to talk to him anymore.  
"Dr Burgh." Saying the name alone was hard on McCoy. He had to remind himself that he was a grown man, self-assured and no longer a student to be intimidated easily.  
"Dr McCoy..." The man had a way of pronouncing his name that gave Leonard the creeps. _' Stay calm...'_  
He cleared his throat. "When I remember correctly, your main field has been molecular diagnostics - that still so?"  
The slightly shorter man regarded him intently through his glasses. "Not much has changed since you were my student, McCoy... or should I call you Leonard? After all we've been through-"  
"You will call me Dr McCoy!" Leonard's knuckles were white with the effort of checking himself. "And you're wrong: many things changed since then!"  
"Ah, are we touchy! Well, you _did_ change a lot since I last saw you... You've filled out. More muscle. You've been a good-looking boy, but now you're a handsome man-"  
" _Stop_ that!"  
"-I really wonder why you and your girlfriend separated. After all you did for her-"  
"I said STOP!"  
"-but maybe that was the problem, right? You lost your taste for women-"  
He didn't want to do it - at least not consciously. But something in McCoy just snapped, and he punched the other doctor right in the face. His earlier shouting had already alarmed the others and they returned to see Dr Burgh lying on the ground with blood spurting from his broken nose. Some immediately ran over to him and helped the elderly man to his feet, but most just stood there and stared at McCoy as if he'd just grown another head.  
Christine hurried to his side and took his arm. "Leonard, what the _hell_ -"  
But McCoy was just as shocked as everyone else. "Christine, I--"  
"It's alright. I'll take care of this. You go into your office until I got time to look at your hand."  
He looked down and saw to his surprise that his knuckles were bleeding.

A few minutes later, Christine entered his office. Leonard sat in his desk chair, staring numbly at his hand where the blood now clotted. The nurse sighed and walked over.  
"Leonard?"  
"...Yes?"  
"What happened?"  
"I... He said some things... about me. And Jocelyn..."  
Christine started. "So you already know him?"  
"Yeah. He was one of my professors at university."  
"I see." She gently took his hand in hers. "Let me look at this."  
McCoy waited silently while she examined his hand. He'd already figured it was nothing more than a superficial skin abrasion. She obviously came to the same conclusion. "This isn't bad. I'll bandage the knuckles and you're ready to go."  
At this, Leonard looked up. "Go?"  
"Yes, mister. You're totally overworked. Don't think I don't know you worked way past your shift for the entire week! I talk to the other nurses, you know? So, I want you to go to your quarters. Do something _relaxing_ , Leonard. I don't want you here until tomorrow until noon, when your regular shift starts."  
He smiled. "Nurses' orders?"  
Christine smiled back. "Nurses' orders."  
He slowly stood up and went over to the door, but paused and looked back at Chapel.  
"What about Burgh?"  
She shrugged. "We fixed his nose in no time. He already left. He didn't say... if he wanted to report you. Maybe... you should apologize?"  
McCoy's knuckles turned white again and strained against the bandages.  
"Yeah... maybe."

It was five minutes past eight when Jim Kirk turned up at his quarter. As usual, he let himself in. He and Leonard had each other's quarter codes ever since they'd been roommates, a habit they'd kept up on the _Enterprise_. As captain, Kirk had emergency access to every room on his ship anyway, and as CMO, McCoy also had medical emergency override codes that surpassed even the Captain's. So what was the point.  
Jim's attitude was cool. He put down the food ingredients that he'd brought over from his quarters (oh the joy of being a captain with special access to non-replicated food!) and started to work straight away, cleaning and chopping vegetables and throwing two large steaks into a pan. Leonard cleared his throat and handed him a cold beer, about the only nourishment his quarters provided. Kirk accepted it with dignity and they drank while the steak silently sizzled. Leonard waited for the inevitable question.  
"So, what happened to your hand?"  
McCoy winced. There it was. "I... punched someone."  
Kirk nearly spilled his beer all over himself. "You _punched_ someone?" he asked incredulous. _"You?"_  
Leonard simply nodded. He understood Jim's disbelief just too well - how many times had Leonard lectured him not to get into fistfights when they were cadets. Leonard had even refused to attend the combat classes at the Academy, pointing out that the ones to wield a weapon will be the first to die through a weapon. He could just hear himself: _"Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor not a soldier!"_  
Kirk still stared at him in awe.  
"I really don't know if I should congratulate you or not. What the hell happened? Did he deserve it?" There was no question that it'd been a man that McCoy had punched. Southern-bred gentleman that Leonard was, he'd never even dream of hitting a woman, no matter how much she deserved it.  
"He did, believe me."  
" I do."  
"...He deserved it not for the things he said today, but for the things he did in the past."  
Jim regarded him for a moment, and turned towards the stove. He took the steaks out of the pan and put them on two plates, loaded them with the salad he'd prepared and moved over to the table.  
"Come on, let's eat. And then you're gonna tell me what's up with you and that guy."

They ate in comfortable silence. Jim was a good cook, which you didn't expect when you first saw him. But feeding himself for several years when his mother wasn't on earth and his stepdad had beaten him up again had unsurprisingly made him quite the chef, though Jim preferred simple, down-to-earth food. Afterwards, Jim beckoned him over to the couch. When they were settled comfortably, he began:  
"You said this morning that you've met this guy before. That he was your prof at university."  
"Yes. He taught molecular diagnostics. A subject I was well interested in."  
"But something happened that made you hate his guts."  
"..."  
"Hey," Jim called softly and skidded closer. "You can tell me. I'm not gonna judge you. You know I did some serious shit myself."  
Leonard sighed. "I know. I know I can trust you, and I know you're deservin' answers, Jim. But... I'm simply very ashamed."  
"...Well, tell me what he said this afternoon, then. Must've been terrible for you to punch him!"  
"He... said I'd failed my marriage with Joss because I couldn't satisfy her anymore."  
His younger friend frowned. "Why would he say that?"  
McCoy shifted in his seat, uncomfortably. "He implied that - that I might be gay." He could hear Jim swallow next to him, although he avoided his gaze. He knew he needed to say something now, but he seriously didn't know what. He couldn't, _he couldn't_ tell him the whole truth. Leonard was sure Jim would not blame him, but he'd pity him. Not openly, he was too considerate for that, but he'd treat him just a bit differently, and Leonard didn't want it. He wanted Jim to always see him as he saw him now - a grumpy, strong guy who doesn't take shit from anyone.  
"So the idea of you... preferring men... made you punch him?"  
McCoy groaned and shook his head vigorously. This was surely not what he wanted Kirk to think, that he was some sort of homophobic, especially when his friend had always made it clear that he liked both genders. "No, Jim! Not the way you think. It's - complicated." He really did hate himself for that lamest excuse in history. As expected, Kirk was not impressed.  
"Explain, then! 'Cause it looks to me like just that! You said you could never be with a guy, right?"  
"I didn't mean it like that!"  
"Did you mean you could just never be with me?"  
"I-"  
"'Cause you must have noticed that I did my best to show you that I want you! I _want_ you, Bones! Right from the start!"  
"I _know_!!" Leonard ran his hands through his hair, his inner conflict almost ripping him apart with hesitance and fear and sheer _longing_. "'Course I've known, Jim, you wear your heart on your sleeve! But I've seen what happened with all those people you've had - none of them ever had you! You gave 'em your body, but your heart was never in it. You gave 'em a single night - and then you left 'em!" Leonard bent forward, rested his forehead against Jim's chest, his fingers clutching his uniform. He mustn't give into this terrible need - but he had to touch him right now.  
"I can't do it, Jim. I can't be one of those you left behind. It - it'd kill me. I've been through this once with Joss - I cannot lose you!" Leonard was glad his friend couldn't see the tears that spilled from his squeezed shut eyes, but he was sure he could hear them in his voice.  
The silence, again, was audible.  
Finally, Kirk slung his arms around McCoy. "Bones... Bones, look at me, please..."  
Very reluctantly, Leonard raised his head. Jim's eyes were clear and serious, yet filled with emotion.  
"Before I.. can say anything else, please answer me a question, ok?"  
McCoy nodded, mutely.  
"Do you... feel sexually attracted to me... at all?" Jim knew what he wanted to say. What he wanted to say since he first met a shabby, unshaved, slightly smelling aviophobic doctor that might or might not throw up on him. But he needed to make sure first that Bones felt any of it, too.  
Leonard barked out a humorless laugh. "I do. Gods, Jim, I - I wanted to put my hands on you forever! You're - you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen besides my daughter. If you knew how many nights I've dreamed of you, when I heard you fucking someone else, how I _hated_ 'em!" McCoy felt himself getting mad by the sheer memory of those nights when it had almost crushed his soul to hear Jim give pleasure to somebody, or, rarer, receiving pleasure, how he'd imagined being in their place, drawing those sounds from his friend, his _captain_ , the one he'd do anything for, if he only asked...  
And suddenly there went all his precious self-control, suddenly there were his lips on Jim's with almost bruising force, were his hands on Jim's back, clawing at the grey jacket, drew his throat angry sounds when the thick material wasn't giving.  
And then there were Kirk's hands, gently guiding McCoy's shaking hands toward the zipper of his uniform, helping him to pull it down and quickly shrugging off the offending garment. There were Kirk's lips, slowing the mindless collusion of mouths into a passionate dance and readily opening up when Leonard pushed his tongue forward, allowing him to plunge deep into the promising depths. All he could do was moan when his friend's expert lips started sucking gently, when he pulled him closer so their hips met.

Jim knew what he was doing, and he did it well. But this was different than all those times before with other people - this was Bones, _his_ Bones, and he needed to make this good for them, for who knew if there would be another moment like this, another night where he'd be able to shatter that impossible wall of self-denial that his friend had built around himself. For years he'd waited for this, worked towards it, never gave up hope - yet he still could hardly believe it was really Bones in his arms; that it wasn't one of those bittersweet dreams of so many nights before, where he'd wake up cold and so very much alone.  
Instinctively, he wanted to battle for dominance, to throw his friend on his back and make him _his_ \- it was in his blood, this need to conquer, to discover and to defend and protect. But his reason caught up with him in time - it was very much possible that this was Bone's first experience with a man, and he knew when he'd rush ahead and just take him, he'd probably scare him off - and he'd probably never get this close to him again. So Kirk checked his ego.

Leonard felt a twinge of apprehensiveness when Jim responded to him in kind, opening up their jackets and pulling their already straining erections together. He feared a battle of dominance between them - he was terribly afraid of forcing the slightest thing on his younger friend, but at the same time, he knew he couldn't yield. Not now. He was afraid of causing - and receiving - pain. He was no ignorant: he knew this was possible without pain by proper preparation. But he also knew it was much, much easier to cause agony between two men than between a man and a woman. He felt his heart beat fast and hard against his ribcage.  
Then, as if he'd heard it, Leonard felt Jim _give_ \- felt him submit to him - _'No,'_ Leonard thought, _'this isn't submission - this is trust. He's trusting me not to hurt him!'_  
Leonard lifted his head to look into Jim's eyes - and found that trust mirrored there. Kirk looked at him with this incredible amount of trust and something else -  
_'Love...?'_  
\- and then, to McCoy's utter amazement, leaned back on the couch and placed his hands next to his head, offering himself completely. Touched beyond words, with the small twinge of regret knowing he'd probably never be able to offer the same, Leonard leaned in and placed his hands in Jim's; entangling their fingers. He kissed him again, and this time, he put into the kiss his passion, his admiration, his gratitude and all of his love.  
Then, he stood up only to crouch down next to his friend - his lover - again, and put his left arm under his back, the right one under his knees and lifted him up. _'Good thing he's a few pounds lighter.'_  
Kirk lifted one eyebrow in question at his slightly undignified position and McCoy smiled slightly.  
"I thought... maybe we should do this in my bed?"  
His captain looked incredulous for a moment, then he laughed. "Gods, Bones, you're such an old-fashioned gentleman! I've no problem with being fucked on the couch, if it's you that's doing it!"  
Fifty shades of red.

After some walking into furniture and bumping into doorframes because Kirk wouldn't keep his devilish hands off McCoy's most ticklish areas, they finally managed to make it into Leonard's bedroom, where he placed Jim on his feet again. Jim took a quick look around. He'd been here before, but never for long. The room was sparsely decorated, a bed (but king-sized) placed in front of the window, a drawer, a nightstand, some pictures and a - he did a double-take - a magnificent palm tree in a pot in the corner next to the bed. When he turned to Leonard for explanation, the doctor shrugged.  
"I like palm trees."  
Jim nodded. He thought the room suited Bones. Then he abandoned all musings of interior furnishing and unclasped the belt of his uniform pants. Next followed the zipper and he was already pulling down pants and boxers together when a calloused hand stopped him.  
"Shouldn't I be doing that?" Leonard asked, his voice husky and his eyes full of lust. Jim grinned. "If you please..."  
He expected Leonard to grab him and hurriedly pull off his remaining clothing, like so many lovers of the past - himself included - had done. Instead, he was surprised to see McCoy suddenly kneeling at his feet.  
_'He's not going to...?'_  
But before he could finish the thought his lover was already moving, placing his hands on Jim's stomach, feeling his way downwards. Suddenly, Kirk heard him chuckle. "Wha-?"  
"Looks like you've gained a pound or two since your last check-up. You've got a little pouch here... Guess that's from all that chocolate cake."  
"WHAT?? No way!" The blonde squeaked indignantly and tried to cover his stomach with his hands. Gently, Leonard moved them away again. "Don't. I like it..."  
Kirk wanted to retort but lost all thoughts when McCoy placed his lips on his belly and started to kiss his way along the fine trail of golden hair that led from Jim's navel to his crotch, moving his hands onto his butt and kneading it at the same time. When he reached Kirk's proud erection, he paused and regarded it for a moment. He still thought he preferred boobs over dicks, but this was Jim, and he was beautiful. Slowly, he placed a hand behind one knee and lifted it, freeing the leg from the pants still pooled around Jim's ankles. He did the same with the other one and looked up into Kirk's face when he stood completely naked before him, in all his glory, trembling slightly from desire, his cheeks flushed, his eyes sparkling. Leonard almost couldn't believe him still to be human and felt it was right to kneel in front of such beauty.  
"Oh Captain, my Captain..."  
Kirk smiled, slightly embarrassed. Never before, in all his sexual life, had he ever felt so vulnerable, so unraveled. Bones saw him for who he was. He placed a trembling hand on the brown hair before him, threading fingers through the unruly strands. "Please, stand up, Bones..."  
His lover complied. Jim now took his turn to remove Leonard's remaining clothing and whistled when he laid eyes on his manhood. He'd seen Bones naked before, of course, but never in this state of...grandeur.  
"Look at you... You're gorgeous, Bones."  
His friend snorted. "For an old man."  
Kirk smiled and cupped his cheek in his hand. "You're not old - not even old enough for a mid-life crisis."  
"Sweet." McCoy decided to take the conversation away from the question of his age and leaned in to capture Jim's mouth again; kissed him like it was the last time. _'Might well be...'_ Leonard still thought it possible that Jim would not want to repeat this, once his curiosity and his passion for conquest had been sated. He only hoped that they'd be able to still be friends in the morning. The mere thought that this person he cherished so much, that he respected more than any other might lose the respect for him was enough to bring tears to his eyes again. _'This might be a bad idea... But GODS, I can't - can't refuse him anymore... I want him so much... Please... please let this not be the end...'_

Kirk noticed Bones' distress, and had an inkling where it came from. He ended the kiss and took McCoy's face in his hands again. "Bones, stay with me, please. I'm not gonna leave you, right?" He was starting to get worried, but then the doctor sealed his mouth again with renewed desire and let his hands roam his back. Jim joined happily and let his own hands roam further, south along McCoy's spine, his tight ass that twitched under his fingers suddenly, so Kirk could feel the tension in the muscles there. He understood this was new to his lover and that he was slightly uncomfortable, and quickly moved around to the front, to lightly lay his fingers on Bones' erection. McCoy breathed in sharply, but did not pull away. Jim took that as an encouragement and loosely wrapped his right hand around the base of his cock, moving up and down slowly, enticingly, until he heard a moan coming from his lover's parted lips. Grinning, he grew bolder, moving his hand faster, until he felt Bones' nails dig into the firm muscle on his back. His head was thrown back and he began to rock back and forth along with Jim's fingers. Realizing how close Bones was, Kirk pulled his hand away, earning a displeased sound from him. Jim smiled again and winked. "We wouldn't want to spoil the fun prematurely, would we?"  
Moving backwards, he stepped up to the edge of the bed, turned, and made a point of presenting his backside while he crawled into the middle, swaying his hips like a cat. When he was close to the headboard, he looked over his shoulder at Bones, who stood there still rooted to the spot with an unreadable expression on his face. Kirk frowned.  
"Don't you want to join me here? Or do I have to take care of myself?"  
Finally, his lover moved, got onto the bed and placed a warm hand on Jim's behind. Sighing in happy anticipation, Kirk pushed his ass up against Bones - only to feel himself being pushed onto his side.  
"What-?"  
"Not like this," his friend whispered. "Never like this. I... I want to look at ya, see ya face..."  
Jim smiled and complied, turning onto his back and spreading his legs wide, doing his best to look as inviting as he could. "That more to your liking?"  
Bones smiled. "Well..."  
Kirk frowned again. "Well what?? Why don'tcha tell me which way you like it, Bones?"  
McCoy raised a placating hand. "Don't get all worked up, kid. I was only wondering if you'd let an old man lie down and do the work for me? I'm... just not sure if I'll do this right for ya..."  
Jim paused, understanding. "You want me to ride your boner, Bones?"  
McCoy sighed. "If you have to put it tha' way, yeah, tha's what I want."  
His younger lover grinned. "Sure!" Taking a look around the room, and spotting the bathroom door, he quickly got up and off the bed. Now it was Leonard's turn to frown. "Where are you going?"  
"Just wait," came the reply from inside the bathroom. Leonard shrugged, still confused but long resigned to his friend's antics.  
"Aha!" came an exclamation from the open door, and a second later Jim emerged, holding a tin of lotion in his hands. "Just what we need. This'll make things easier." He climbed back onto the bed, next to McCoy, and ordered: "Lay down!"  
Leonard obeyed and watched his captain lift one leg and bring it down on his other side, straddling him. Next, Kirk took his hand in his and flipped the lid from the tin with his free one. "Coat your fingers."  
Finally catching up on what his lover was up to, McCoy made sure to put more than enough lotion onto his fingers and, when Jim nodded encouragingly, lifted it to his entrance, first circling it and then, when the blonde above him sighed contentedly, slipping his index finger slowly inside. Kirk made more passionate sounds, more than McCoy had ever heard from him before, when he'd been an unwilling witness to Jim's sexual activities. "You like that?"  
"Yesss... More, please!" Kirk was already moving back and forth against McCoy's hand. His lover took his sweet time to comply, but finally added a second digit, moving them around to loosen the tight ring of muscle. "That still ok?"  
"Yes, _yes_!" Jim panted, impatiently. "It's fine, hurry up ok?"  
Leonard smiled and leaned up to place a kiss on those pouting lips. "No."  
The blonde groaned. "Don't be so _thorough_ , Doctor! I'm not made of glass, I won't break, alright?!"  
"I'm not hurrying this, Jim."  
The earnestness in his lover's voice made Kirk fall silent - or it would have, if Leonard hadn't just entered a third finger. The intrusion made Jim gasp, then scream, when that skilled surgeon's hand hit his sweet spot. "Do that again!!"  
Leonard was glad to do as his young friend wished. The movement made Kirk writhe and pant above him; a sight that took his breath away. His erection ached by now, but still, he'd not rush it. He silently admired the magnificent creature in front of his eyes, took in every detail, every twist of Jim's features when he moaned. But then Kirk had had enough. Sternly (or as stern as he managed to look when his face was flushed with lust and his hair tousled), he grabbed McCoy's wrist and stilled his movement.  
"Bones, I want you inside me - _now_!"  
Realizing he'd indeed prepared him ridiculously long, Leonard nodded, withdrew his fingers and held onto his lover's hips instead. Kirk wasted no time and positioned himself; aligning the tip of McCoy's cock with his entrance. Then he lowered himself onto it, and Leonard thought he'd die.

Jim thought he'd die. The tip alone was not yet fully inside him and already he could've come. But he fought against the urge, he wanted this to last as long as possible. But suddenly he realized Leonard was holding him up; stalling his descent. Slightly annoyed, he all but growled: _"What now?"_  
"I told ya; I'm not gonna rush this!" Adrenaline was making McCoy's southern drawl more pronounced.  
"For fuck's sake, Bones, every slug is faster than you!"  
"Just - just humor me, alright? I don't wanna hurt ya, Jim."  
"Bones, I'm dying here," his young lover almost pleaded. "Really, I can't wait anymore..."  
"...Fine." Leonard relented at last. "But take your time, ok?" Reluctantly, he gentled his vice grip of Jim's hips. Kirk immediately let himself sink lower, until he was completely filled. Sighing with sheer bliss, he began to move. Trying out different angles and soon finding out the one he preferred, he set a quick pace, rocking back and forth in a steady rhythm. When McCoy's considerable length hit his spot over and over, Jim threw back his head and moaned at the ceiling; abandoning all thoughts, completely losing himself in feeling.

When Jim found his pace, Leonard allowed himself to finally surrender control and hand himself over to his captain. It was all he could do, really, for he'd fallen apart the moment those magical hips started to move.  
_'Oh Gods... Never... It's never been like this with Joss..!'_ Though he wanted to just close his eyes and sink completely into this abyss of heat, sweat and scent, he looked upon his lover instead, taking in the smooth skin, shining with tiny drops of moisture, almost glowing in the descending twilight. The heaving chest of his captain with that light, almost not perceptible layer of fur, and above that, the tilted head with that fine, long neck, the exposed throat, the parted lips... For the third time tonight, he doubted he'd ever seen something more beautiful. Leonard's chest tightened with joy and gratitude; blessing all the gods that might listen for granting him at least this one, shining moment with the man he -  
_' - Yes. This is love... This is the One.'_  
And in that exact moment, in a revelation that was now achingly obvious, Leonard realized he was irretrievably lost; that right now, as he came closer and closer to salvation, he'd handed his heart to Jim on a platter, never to get it back. And with the weight of that realization hitting him, he screamed his release to the heavens, along with Jim.

^^y^^

 

Well, I'm sure you liked that (ya horny readers ;-)). I do, too - nothing better than a well-written lemon. Tell me if my translation sucks, will ya? Next chapter, things are going to be angsty (and downright horrific in the chapter after that), so beware.

Love, Coco


	3. The Wind and the Rock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a lot to Belle and Krisalt for your comments! Thanks for taking the time! :) I hope you'll like this next chapter a well.   
> This is a very long chapter; I wanted it to end at a certain point - you'll learn the reason for this at the end of it. Enjoy! 
> 
> Chapter's warnings: More butchered german poetry. Our boys have their first fight as a couple. More sex; though nothing graphic. Lusty Jim. Scared Bones. Scared Jim. First mentioning of what happened to Bones in the past.

 

_He who found a friend in someone_   
_and is a friend to someone else,_   
_he who loves another person,_   
_you may add your joy to ours!_   
_Even when there's one soul only_   
_in this world you call your own!_   
_And who never loved - be gone here_   
_from our union; cry and mourn!_

_\- Ode an die Freude (Ode to Joy), 2nd stanza, Friedrich Schiller, freely translated from German_

 

**Chapter 3: The Wind and the Rock**

 

The early rays of morning sun were already filtering through the white linnen curtains when Leonard gained consciousness. Blinking, he wondered for a moment where he was and if he was supposed to be somewhere else; but then, he noticed the heavy weight on his right arm. Looking down, his face split into a rare smile. Jim. He'd stayed.  
Gently, he lifted his head to bury his nose in the soft blonde locks, deeply breathing in the unique scent of his love. Traces of shampoo. Musk, a lot of it. _'Not surprising after last night...'_  
McCoy still found it hard to believe it'd really happened. _' I had sex with Jim - my captain... my best friend. Holy crap.'_  
He wondered what it would mean to them both - if it'd mean anything at all to Jim. Leonard didn't think his friend a cold-hearted man, not at all, but all he knew of Jim was that he'd never committed himself to anybody. He was more the _'I'm gonna leave now, have a nice life!'_ kind of guy.  
_'Who could ever hold Jim Kirk?'_ McCoy thought painfully, unconsciously tightening his grip of him. _'He's like the wind, already blowing on before you notice, seeking new adventures... I'm like a rock,'_ he deadpanned grimly. _'Content with staying in one place and only moving when someone forcibly removes me from my location.'_  
Before he could wallow in despair any longer, though, the wind-like creature next to him started to wake up.

Jim Kirk blinked a few times, taking in his surroundings. Looking around, he spotted Leonard (who unintentionally held his breath) and grinned. "Morning, Bones!"  
"Mornin', darlin'."  
"You sleep well?"  
"Sure did, kid. You?"  
"Excellent!" That was obvious. Jim nearly buzzed with energy and cheerfulness. McCoy couldn't help but smile warmly at him (it was quickly becoming a habit). He lifted a hand up to his young lovers' face and gently brushed his thumb over his cheek. "Wanna take a shower?"  
"Yeah," Jim agreed readily, sniffing at his armpit and grimacing. "I definitively need one. What about you?"  
"You go ahead, Jim. I'll wait till you're finished."  
Kirk frowned. "Aren't you getting into the shower with me?"  
McCoy felt his heart become light. "If you want me to...?"  
Jim laughed. "I really don't think we can play the bashful virgins now; not after all we did last night!"  
"...Yeah, you're probably right about that. So... you liked it, then?"  
"If it wasn't the understatement of the century, I'd say yes, I liked it."  
"And you're not - not hurt?"  
Jim's smile faltered slightly. _'There it is again... That self - depreciation.'_ "Why would you think I'm hurt?"  
When Leonard looked away, he asked more concerned: "Why would you think you'd hurt me, Bones?" McCoy didn't answer immediately. Kirk's suspicion grew. _'Something's definitively not right here!'_  
"Hey," he said softly, taking Leonard's head into his hands and forcing him to look him in the eyes. "I trust you. I know you'd never willingly hurt me, Bones! And now that's settled, get your lazy ass out of bed and accompany me into the shower, ok?"  
McCoy nodded and finally moved himself out of the rumpled sheets, smiling at Jim as he passed him towards the bathroom. Jim smiled back, though it was intermingled with a frown.  
_'What's wrong with him? First he goes and punches some old guy in the face for hinting that he might be gay, then we're fucking and now he's afraid of hurting me...'_  
It puzzled Jim, and Jim didn't like being puzzled. _' Maybe I should stop by Med Bay later and check this guy out... Yeah, will do that.'_ With that resolve, he hurried into the shower after his lover.

Leonard entered Med Bay at twelve o'clock sharp and was immediately greeted by many heads turned into his direction. When he walked over towards his head nurse, he could literally feel the eyes burning holes into his back. Christine seemed to read his thoughts, for she leaned in and whispered lowly: "Rumor's already spread on how you beat another doctor up because he'd spoken ill of your ex. For some of them, you're an irate madman on whom they need to keep an eye on, for the others, you're a hero."  
McCoy lifted an eyebrow. "A _hero_?!"  
"Well, for the female part, to be exact." Christine winked, then grew serious. "I already talked to Dr Burgh this morning. He wants an apology from you, then he's going to refrain from issuing an official complain."  
She sighed when she saw her superior officer tense and his face cloud up. "I know you hate this, Leonard, but this mess could ruin your reputation! Just apologize, and the whole thing's through."  
McCoy nodded reluctantly, seething inside. "I'm not too sure about that, though."  
Still, he began his round of check-ups with the stationary patients. Many of them were members of Star Fleet and had known him for quite a while, so the sub note among them was more one of confusion and curiosity than of anger. It was a different matter with the external doctors and nurses, however. Chapel had obviously already spoken to them and declaring McCoy's aggression as some sort of overworked meltdown; so they demanded no explanation from him, what made him extremely grateful. Still, they regarded him with a certain wariness, as if expecting him to snap again at any provocation, and many of them refused to stay alone with him in the same room. Just peachy.  
_' Well, at least they're still doing their job,'_ McCoy thought, resigned. He really couldn't complain so far: the doctors and nurses who had had psychological schooling had their hands full with patients to talk to, analyze and to assign to the different support groups that frequently met on campus. Next, Leonard checked his mail. Then he spoke to Chapel and his substitute shift supervisor again, discussing the progress some of them made. Then he checked his stock of medication. Finally, after two and a half hours, he had no more excuse not to talk to his nemesis, so he decided to simply get it over with. Looking around, he spotted Dr Burgh next to the storage rooms and briskly walked over.  
His approach didn't go unnoticed. The older man regarded him surprisingly calmly (considering Leonard had effectively broken his nose) and McCoy thought he also detected a certain amount of.. victory?... in the pale blue eyes, though it could simply have been a light reflex on his glasses.  
"Dr Burgh," Leonard began, "I.. need to apologize." He'd chosen to say _need to_ instead of _want to_. He wanted the other man to know he didn't regret breaking his fucking nose in the least. Dr Burgh eyed him for a long moment with such obvious amusement that McCoy had to forcibly restrain himself from punching him again. In the end, it'd be him who'd have to live with the consequences.  
"My dear Leonard," Burgh chuckled. "I never thought you to be able of such... _passion_. I still remember you as the quiet, thin young man who'd rather spend the evening studying than going out to party like so many of your classmates... I can still see you there, bent over a PADD or a test tube, you know?" he stepped closer to Leonard who couldn't help but lean back instinctively. "I still remember other things, too..." His face was very close to McCoy's now, who'd gone completely rigid, hands clutched behind his back. "I remember what you did... So naughty. But then, you didn't do it for you, right? Still... It would've cost you your university place if I'd told anyone. It could still cost your approbation, if somebody were to find out. I hear they're not very patient with _thieves_." Finally leaning back, Dr Burgh raised his voice again and smiled. "But then again, you'll surely not give me any reason to mention this to, say, Admiral Pike. He'd be so disappointed. He thinks very highly of you, Leonard, after that miracle you performed on his paralysis. I was really impressed, too, you know? I read about your success in many medical journals. I was so proud. And," he chuckled again. "to think that _I_ was your teacher! Tell me, Leonard, was it me that made you who you are today? You were such an introverted, skinny student - was it _me_ who'd toughen you up?"  
Leonard took a step back and snarled. "You didn't make me who I am!"  
"Hey, Bones," they suddenly heard a voice call out to them across the room. Both men turned to see a certain starship captain bounce over. McCoy relaxed slightly at the sight of his love, but at the same time, he wished Jim had not come here. Still, he admired his captain for a moment - Kirk looked striking. Freshly showered (and a very long and thorough shower it'd been) and dressed in an impeccable new grey uniform, he looked every fiber the Star Fleet hero he was. _' Course it helps to look like a damn supermodel,'_ Leonard thought proudly. Then he remembered why he didn't want Jim here and scowled.  
"What're ya doin' here, Captain?"

Kirk furrowed his brow slightly, his suspicion confirmed that he'd come in exactly the right moment. When he came through the doors of Med Bay and saw the two men standing together in a corner, he'd immediately seen the tension that radiated from his lover. And then the less-than-happy-to-see-him greeting from Bones, the thick southern accent, always so prominent when he was nervous - an absolute tell-tale. He stopped next to them, looking at Bones. "Hello to you, too, Dr McCoy! I wanted to see the new personnel myself." With that, he turned towards the older man he'd take to be in his late fifties.  
"You must be Dr Burgh from the Ole Miss, the former professor of my dear CMO here."  
"Indeed I am, Captain! Of course, I know _you_ from all the news' headlines! Who could possibly not know James T. Kirk?" Reaching out his hand, Jim had no other choice than to take it, but was quickly letting go again. There was something downright creepy about the way the old man stared at him and Bones. Kirk decided then that he didn't like him.  
"Yeah, well, it was not just me, I had an excellent crew at my side," he answered, capturing Leonard's gaze for a second.  
"Without a doubt! I already know your wonderful CMO, after all... Such a professional!" Somehow, to Kirk, the praise sounded fishy.  
"Yes - Dr McCoy's an outstanding medic," he finally agreed. He almost jumped when Dr Burgh laid a hand on his shoulder, patting it twice. "A great choice, no question - although with a tendency to misbehave! But I'm sure that's nothing new to you, you've known him for some years now, no? Not as long as _I_ know him, though..." There was that superior smile again. "... I could tell you stories about him you wouldn't believe..."  
Jim narrowed his eyes when he saw his friend grow pale and noticed the faint tremor that ran through his body. _'That guy knows something about him... Something bad.'_ He'd never seen Bones shy away from a challenge. His CMO was the only person he knew that cared nothing about what other people said and thought about him - why was this threat affecting him so?  
"I don't think there's anything you could tell me about him that would lessen him in any way."  
"Spoken like a true friend. But then again, everybody knows about that special relationship you have." Now that was definitively a leer. Jim decided to end this strange conversation now.  
"Good day to you, Doctor, I need to get going. Dr McCoy," he addressed his lover formally, "can I talk to you for a minute?" Leonard looked unsure if he really wanted to go with Jim, but nodded and followed his captain without a word.  
Jim let them trough Med Bay's double door entrance and stopped in the almost deserted hallway. Then, he rounded on McCoy and stared at him with a hard, piercing glare. Leonard swallowed. He knew that look - his friend meant business.  
"What does he know about you that I don't?"  
"I don't know what-"  
"Don't LIE to me, Bones! I know there's something between you-"  
"There's _nothing_ between me and Burgh, Jim!" McCoy forced out, gnashing his teeth. He moved to turn away, but Kirk quickly grabbed his upper arm. "You WILL tell me! I am your captain, I have a right to know what's with my crew-"  
"Oh, so now ya pulling rank with me?! Ya don't have a right to know everything tha's happened in my past-"  
"I do when it concerns your well-being! I have a responsibility as your Captain-"  
"Stop saying that!"  
"-as your friend, then. Why don't you tell me what's happened?"  
"It is of no concern to you now-"  
"So you're admitting there IS something!" Jim cried, almost triumphantly. McCoy looked as if he wanted to phaser-roast himself. "Let go of me."  
"No, first you're gonna-"  
"Please, Jim. Let go of me," his friend asked quietly. Jim frowned and regarded him closely. Bones looked no longer livid with indignation but sad and... scared? He gentled his grip but didn't quite let go.  
"Promise me you'll tell me sometime?"  
McCoy shook his head, more resigned than in denial. "Damn your stubborn head to hell, Jim," he sighed. "I promise." With that, he removed his arm from Kirk's grip and turned back towards Med Bay. Jim watched him go. He should've been content that his friend would confide in him at last - if only he'd not look so damn broken about it.

Late that night, McCoy entered the key code to his quarters very quietly, as if it'd make any difference in how loudly the automated door would open. Not surprisingly, it opened with its usual sharp hiss, making him wince. He knew for himself he was acting cowardly, working especially late and sneaking like a burglar into his own rooms, all to hopefully find his love already asleep. Then he could simply climb into bed beside him, pull the covers over his head and pretend the whole day hadn't happened. But as fate was a bitch today, he had no such luck. Jim was sitting on the couch of the living room, a glass of Leonard's best scotch in hand, looking like the angel of justice himself. McCoy sighed. The righteous indignation his lover was emitting was radiating towards him. He was in for a lecture - again. Resigning to it, he kicked off his boots and slowly made his way over to the couch, sitting down next to Kirk, who still stared at him with that aura of moral superiority.  
"I'm sorry, Jim."  
"..."  
"I know I should've come sooner..."  
"..."  
"...You're really not going to make this easy on me, right?"  
"No." Kirk took a sip of scotch.  
"..."  
"So why did you do it? Why did you wait till..." he looked at the old-fashioned clock sitting on the bookshelf above him, "...almost three in the morning to come home?" Leonard shook his head. "Because I'm a coward, Jim... Because I feel like I don't deserve you. Because I am scared out o' my damn mind that you'll leave me if you find out I'm not the person you think I am."  
"I could never do anything else than admire you, Bones."  
The doctor sighed again. "You say that now..."  
It was quiet for a few seconds. Then Jim got up, took a second glass from the cupboard and poured another scotch into it, then, bringing it over to Leonard, handed it to him. "Down this."  
McCoy complied. Kirk nodded, satisfied. He sat down again. "I really wish I could say _'You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to'_ , but I can't. Something's eating you up, Bones, and I got this feeling it could be dangerous to your career as well. I am sorry, but I must ask you, as your friend and as your Captain, to tell me what it is that that Burgh guy knows about you."  
"...Well, I did promise to tell ya..." Leonard rubbed his hands over his face, worn and tired but resolved. "As you might have figured by now, it was back when I was still a student of medicine at the Ole Miss." Jim nodded silently.  
"You see, I worked part-time at a charity health center not far from campus. We were required to get some first-hand experience as volunteers at some hospital or another medical institution, additional to our practical classes at university. So I volunteered to treat people that'd fallen through the roster of society - lost causes that other hospitals had sent away as incurable, to die somewhere else... Bad cases of one practically unknown alien disease or another... People that were highly contagious and a threat to doctors as well as to other patients... and, from time to time, your old-fashioned case of xenophobia. It's still the old south, ya know?" he looked at Jim, though not really seeing him. "Humans don' always open their hearts for other species..."  
Jim wanted to ask more, but decided against it. As interesting as Bones' charity work was, this was about something else. He let his lover reminiscent for a few more moments, then he gently urged him: "So what happened?"  
"I fucked up, Jim, tha's what happened," McCoy answered bluntly. "The center... They were running out of supplies... Lacking even the simplest bandages or painkillers! I cut patients open without any anesthesia; my nurses had to hold 'em down 'til I was finished." Kirk swallowed hard at the pain he was seeing in the other man's eyes, but said nothing, waiting patiently for Leonard to continue.  
"So, one day, I broke into the storage room at university, where they kept the medical equipment, and stole some of it. The next week, when we were running low again, I did it again." Having finally confessed the worst part, McCoy rushed through the rest of his story. "I was clever; at least I thought I was... I only ever took so much it didn't register, nicked supplies from fresh deliveries after they'd been controlled and signed off." He paused shortly, and looked at his friend with an expression of year-old shame. "Burgh caught me red-handed one time. Must've kept an eye on me for a while already. Said he wouldn't go to the dean of the faculty, said he'd be sorry to lose me as a student, that he'd not do this to my wife... He knew Jocelyn was pregnant, Jim," Leonard whispered, eyes blank and staring ahead. "I was twenty-two, freshly married, with a baby on the way... I was grateful then that he didn't report me, but he made me give up work for the health center, made me work exclusively for him, as his assistant..." Leonard trailed off and fell silent, not daring to look into his love's face. Surely Jim must be disappointed in him now. But he really hadn't known what to do back then, he'd been desperate to help the center...  
"You are an idiot."  
McCoy winced; here it was, the disappointment he'd been afraid of-  
"Look at me, Bones!" Having no energy left in him to fight, Leonard obeyed and saw to his surprise that Kirk's eyes were serious, but gentle. He saw nothing of the disappointment he'd been sure he'd see. Jim took his face into his warm hands. "You're an idiot 'cause you really believed I'd be mad about this. I regard you even higher for it! You could've done what everyone else did, just walk away, but you wanted to help." Kirk chuckled lightly. "This is _so much_ you..."  
Leonard shook his head, looking down again. "You have a ridiculously high opinion of me, Jim. I was a thief."  
"You've got a ridiculously low opinion of yourself, Bones, you're like a modern-day Robin Hood," Jim smiled. "Taking from the rich and giving it to the poor..." McCoy shook his head again. "You're much too sentimental, Jim, ya know that?"  
"Sentimental, me?" Kirk pretended to be offended. "Look who's talking." Suddenly getting a wicked gleam into his eyes, he tipped his index finger contemplatively against his chin. "Still, I guess you need some sort of... punishment."  
The older man thought he'd not heard correctly. "You want to _punish_ me?!"  
"Well, you've been a naughty boy."  
"I- what the- and what do intend to do to me?"  
"Oh, I don't know... Maybe spank you for keeping information from your superior officer?" Kirk tried to look innocent, but failed miserably. McCoy let out a nervous laugh.  
"You- you're kiddin', right?"  
"Maybe yes, maybe no."  
"Dammit, Jim, I'm not going to let you spank me! Who still does that, anyway??"  
"It'll be fun! You might even like it, you know?" Suddenly Kirk was moving forward, capturing Leonard's wrists and pinning the other man to the couch with his weight. "Think I can make you beg me to take you, Bones?" he whispered into his ear. "Think I can make you scream?"

Next thing he knew, Jim Kirk was sprawled on the floor, staring up at his lover with a look of utter bewilderment. "...Ouch."  
"Gods, I'm sorry, Jim," Leonard pulled his friend to his feet, equally shocked, though more from the sudden, intense feeling of _fear_ that was slowly ebbing away now. _'This is Jim,'_ he tried to calm himself, _'He'd never hurt me.'_  
"Hey, Bones... This is me, remember? I wouldn't do anything like that to you; not if you're not asking for it." Leonard had to smile besides himself about Jim's unique telepathy, and nodded. "I know that, Jim. I... don't know what's gotten into me..." He felt very bad about lying to his lover as it went against everything he believed in, but couldn't help it. "...It wasn't on purpose," he finally stated, which was perfectly true. Realizing he'd totally killed the mood, he massaged his neck tiredly and asked: "Wanna go to bed?"  
Kirk nodded. "Right..." Again, he was regarding McCoy with that look of suspicion, as if he knew Leonard had not yet disclosed the full truth of what had happened at the academy; a look that he got more and more often. Leonard probably wouldn't be able to hide it for much longer.

 

The next few days passed quite normal; with Leonard working at Med Bay and Jim meeting with other captains, admirals and, now and then, with Scotty, who was in charge of _Enterprise_ 's refitting. The Scotsman was optimistic that they'd be able to start on their new mission soon, which was to be an exploratory one, though the board of Admirals had yet to decide where exactly they wanted to send their flagship.  
Jim and Leonard were still working on their _'relationship of sorts'_ as McCoy referred to it in secret. They'd never really talked about being officially together or not, and while they were still sharing a bed, most of the time in Jim's more luxurious quarters, their one passionate night had not yet repeated itself. Leonard knew Jim was waiting for him to make the first move; he'd seen it whenever he undressed in the evenings. He'd seen the gleam in his lover's eyes, the hunger, the hard-on he was never trying to hide.

When a week had passed without anything other happening than a few hurried kisses in between, Jim decided that enough celibacy was enough. So that night, when McCoy showed up for dinner, Kirk greeted him with Shepherd's Pie, stark naked but for an apron tied around his waist. He made such a show of displaying his pert behind that they forgot all about food and Leonard had Jim up on the counter in no time, with his captain's legs wrapped around his waist and the doctor's cock deep inside him.  
"You know," Kirk panted when they lay on the kitchen floor afterwards, spent. "I think I could get used to this."  
McCoy nodded. "Yeah kid, me too."  
"What I mean is - I don't want anyone but you anymore, Bones." Jim propped himself up on an elbow to look into his lover's green-and-brown eyes. "I don't want to fool around any longer. I want to be yours, and yours alone. And I want you to be mine."  
Leonard pushed himself up from the floor to stare at Jim, hardly daring to believe his ears. "What- do you really mean this, Jim?" He searched his younger friend's face, finding only certainty. "I do."  
Drowning in emotion, Leonard wrapped him in his arms, tightly. "I love you, Jim."  
"I love you too, Bones."  
They slept with each other again that night, slowly and lovingly.

 

A week passed again, this time in perfect bliss. Leonard and Jim didn't hide their relationship, but didn't make a fuss about it, either. They just touched more often than necessary but refrained from making out in public due to McCoy's aversion to it and for the sake of Kirk's reputation as a serious and respected Fleet Captain. Jim's restraint didn't go as far as he'd not give his lover the occasional quick peck on the cheek, though, when he thought that Leonard needed it or, more often, when he wanted him to stop bitching about something.  
They met regularly for lunch in the cafeteria, sometimes with Scotty or Chekov, as the engineer and the Ensign had both stayed in San Fran instead of visiting their families. Spock had chosen to help the surviving Vulcans with collecting and cataloguing all that remained of the knowledge of the Vulcan people; meeting Vulcans that'd not been on planet when it was destroyed, and was generally busy with helping his father Sarek in his time off the ship.  
Scotty noticed very quickly that something new had developed between his Captain and the Chief Medical Officer but, as a true Scot, said nothing more about it than giving Jim a quick slap on the back, accompanied by the words "So ya finally got the goode Doctor into yer bed, eh, lad? About bloody time, aye?", which made Kirk almost wet himself with laughter and Leonard want to strangle him.  
The couple debated if they'd tell Pavel Chekov or let the (still ridiculously) young Ensign find out for himself, deciding in the end they could probably tell him, as his best friend Hikaru Sulu was in a relationship with another man too and they even had a child. So Kirk spoke to him quietly over some coffee while McCoy was busy looking the other way with beet red ears. The skinny kid said nothing for a moment, obviously processing what he'd heard in that brilliant brain of his. Then, he looked up with wide eyes and a look of pure innocence on his face and asked: "Does that mean you're like my mommy and daddy now, Keptin?"  
That made Kirk grin so wide it must surely hurt his face and McCoy groan and shake his head. "No, kid, we're just the same. Jim's the Captain, looking out after everybody besides himself-" (This earned him and outraged "Hey" from said person) "-and I am the doctor that'll patch you up when you're injured."  
The Russian thought about that, too. "But.. my father looks after all of us and my mother patches me up when I'm injured..."  
McCoy decided then to give it up as a lost cause.

Christine noticed something had changed when her superior officer started humming one day while ticking off a list of delivered supplies. She thought for a moment she hallucinated when she first heard that noise coming from the grumpy doctor. Leonard didn't hum contentedly. He just didn't. So she crept slowly closer towards the storage room, carefully peeking around the door frame to see if the coast was clear or if McCoy was suffering from another mental meltdown. But there he was, looking perfectly in order, checking his list and _humming._  
"Dr McCoy..?" she asked not too loud lest she might spook him. "Are you alright?"  
"I'm fine, thanks darlin'," he answered happily (well, the McCoy-version of happy which was really a lack of annoyance and anger). Christine took in his appearance: he looked well-rested (he _never_ looked well-rested; that word literally didn't exist for that workaholic!), clean and ...shaved? She squinted her eyes and took a step closer. Yes, no doubt, he was impeccably clean-shaved, also a first that she'd almost never seen besides official ceremonies and dinners, where it was mandatory. So used she was to his usual 2-3 days worth of light brown stubble, she stared at his face as if it was missing something existential.  
"Are you... having a date tonight, Leonard?" she finally asked, in her opinion the only explanation for his strange behavior. _'But he's NEVER having a date!'_  
"Huh? No, I'm meeting with the Captain tonight..." McCoy answered, distractedly, still making ticks on his list. Christine let that sink in a bit, until realization hit.  
"OH MY GOD, YOU'RE HAVING SEX WITH HIM!!"  
Poor Leonard almost dropped his checklist when she practically screeched at him. "Dammit, Christine, yell louder, the other side o' campus might not have heard ya!"  
"Sorry, sorry," she whispered hurriedly. "It's just - I can't believe it - after all that time! Oh, Leonard!" and with that, she threw her arms around him and hugged him close. "I'm so happy for you! What a happy ending - I mean, you've really made him wait, didn't you? I can't wait to tell Nyota; we were guessing when the Captain'd finally be successful-"  
"Wait a moment," Leonard interrupted her cheerful monologue, "You mean you girls _knew_ Jim was trying to... uhm, seduce me?"  
"Oh Leonard," his Head Nurse sighed, exasperated at the stupidity of men, "of course we did. It was obvious, really, that the Captain's head over heels for you. As are you - remember all the times you've sat by his side when he' get beaten up in a bar brawl or something? That look in your eyes when he'd finally wake up? Like you wouldn't want to be anywhere else for all the money in the world..."  
"...I see," he answered, slightly uncomfortable with the idea of being so transparent. "So who else suspects anything?"  
"Well, Spock, obviously, as Nyota would have told him. And... some of the other nurses might've noticed, too..."  
"Just great," he groaned. "So I've been part of the gossip without even knowing! They'll never take me seriously again..."  
"Nonsense," Christine countered decidedly. "They'll be happy for you. And those who are not don't know you."

 

Christine was proved to be right about the nurses. The doctors were a different matter, however. Some still had their petty problems with homosexuality; but most simply frowned upon the Captain of a starship engaging in a sexual relationship with a subordinate officer; the difference in power making it easy to apply pressure upon the crewman or -woman, especially when it happened in another part of the galaxy. Though it was not unheard of, as many space missions went on for years, it was generally disapproved and the officers involved were expected to keep it quiet or to marry.  
Luckily, most of the people working at Star Fleet HQ knew Dr McCoy and Captain Kirk were longtime friends and ruled out the possibility that Kirk was misusing his position to take advantage of his doctor. And, as Christine had said, those who knew them personally had known for years they'd end up with each other.

So Leonard did not encounter much aversion, much to his relief, though his "arch-enemy" (as Jim called Dr Burgh) seemed to watch him even closer when they happened to work in the same room; almost always smirking at him and occasionally even _winking_ , which unnerved and angered McCoy to no end. He didn't know how to stop it, though; his former professor was personally invited by Admiral Pike and Leonard had by no means the power to ask him to leave again. Only Burgh endangering a patient would give him the right to order him to leave Med Bay; but the medic didn't make the slightest mistake - he _was_ a medical professional, after all.  
All Leonard could do was try to assign him to different stations; and, if that failed, ignore him as best as he could. Unfortunately, Burgh did his best to be un-ignorable and addressed him whenever possible, always asking the younger man questions about himself or his captain, which Leonard didn't answer, though he kept his temper now (if barely).

Jim'd made it a habit of showing up now and then to check on his lover, or, as he'd say, to _'make sure you're not already arrested for murder'._ He'd stroll in, give Leonard a quick peck on the cheek (the absolute maximum of sexual contact McCoy would permit in front of his staff) and flirt with the nurses (he was still Jim Kirk, after all, and old habits die hard).  
One late evening, when Kirk entered Med Bay to convince his lover that even unearthly good-looking doctors needed sleep, he found the admission area deserted. Figuring Bones was in his office, he walked over to the automated door, which wasn't locked and opened when he touched the keypad. The office was lightened. When Jim entered, he found Bones sitting at his desk, a PADD before him, and behind him, slightly bent forward, Dr Burgh. He had his hands on Bones' shoulders.  
The whole scene might have seemed quite ordinary if Kirk didn't know with absolute sincerity that his lover would never permit anyone besides Jim to touch him this way, let alone have another's nose close to his neck and - _smell it??_  
_'Something's seriously wrong here...'_ Bones' face was set in stone, his posture rigid, though he looked... resigned, his hazel eyes fixed unblinkingly on the PADD.  
It all lasted only for a second, though. When they heard the tell-tale _hiss_ of the door, both men looked up, Bones' eyes widening in shock, Dr Burgh stepping quickly away from him, letting his hands fall away.  
Kirk cleared his throat, his piercing-blue eyes fixed on the older man.  
"Am I... interrupting something?"  
Burgh was the first to recover, quickly sliding a pleasant smile into place. "Good evening, Captain, Dr McCoy and I were just discussing our schedule for the next days. But I believe we are finished here..."  
"I think you are, too, Doctor." Kirk's voice was steel.  
Burgh's smile faltered slightly. "...Well, good night, then." He walked over to the door which opened and closed behind him.  
The room was so silent they both could hear his steps fading in the distance. Neither said a word; Jim's lips were pressed tightly while he waited for his lover to speak first.  
Finally, Bones looked up, his face was passive. "Did you want something, Jim?"  
Jim set his teeth, angered by his calm voice. _'So he wants to play this cool, huh?'_ "I wanted to take you home. But maybe you didn't want me to come, Bones?"  
His friend stood up quickly. "Why wouldn't I? I was just delayed." he didn't look Jim in the eye and walked past him towards the door. "Let's go then-"  
"No way!" Kirk grabbed his wrist before his lover could get away. "First you're gonna answer me a question: Is he after you?"  
"Who?"  
"You know exactly who, Bones!!" he was getting angry at Leonard's indifference. It was an act, that he knew for sure, he'd just absolutely no idea why his friend was pretending nothing had happened. When Bones still refused to look at him, he turned him around forcibly. "Is that Burgh guy after you?"  
"Don't be ridiculous, Jim!"  
"Answer me!"  
"No!!"  
"No what??"  
"No I'm not gonna answer this! There's nothin' ya need to know!"  
"I'm your lover, I am _supposed_ to know when some old fart has his sights set on my boyfriend!" Kirk was getting frustrated. "I know something's going on here, Bones. JUST. TELL. ME!"  
"NO!!" Leonard could be incredible stubborn when he wanted to; but this time, Jim wasn't prepared to let it go. He shoved his lover backwards until Bones' backside collided with the table. Jim took his chin in his hand, forcing him to look at him. Leonard's fiery hazel eyes sparkled with anger and indignation, but underneath, there was some deeper emotion. Kirk latched onto it and pulled Bones' head in for a rough kiss. He felt his lover stiffen up in surprise, but then opening up to him, granting him access. He shoved his tongue into his moist depths, exploring, conquering to his soul's content. Leonard answered his kiss passionately, wrapping him in his arms. Jim could feel his lover's arousal pressing against him between their thighs, ending all coherent thought. Driven by sheer desire, he buried his left hand in Leonard's unruly locks, pulling his head to the side and raking his teeth along the curve of his neck where Dr Burgh had dared to _smell_ his lover, drawing a sharp gasp from the other man. "Jim!!"  
"Mine," growled Kirk against his friend's tanned skin, ripping open the shirt of his scrubs and pushing against his chest to make him lie back. But Bones resisted and shoved against Jim, trying to turn them around to gain the upper hand. The blonde grinned wickedly. "Not this time, Bones."  
Swiftly taking each of Leonard's wrists into a hand, he used his better angle to pin his lover to the desk, rubbing his erection against his prone lap. "Gods, Bones... You're driving me crazy..." he moaned full of lust, groping between them for the waistband of Leonard's pants, pulling them down in one quick motion. He felt Bones push against his shoulder with his now-free hand, attempting to bring some space between them. His Captain would not have it, though, leaning further in, now using his bodyweight to his advantage to keep him down. He let his free hand slip into Bones' boxers, gripping him firmly and causing Bones to throw his head back against the tabletop, moaning. Jim couldn't help but stare transfixed at his lover; that dark hair, even messier that usual, the flushed cheeks, that perfect, unmarred skin...  
_'He's so fucking beautiful,'_ he mused. Bending down for another passionate kiss, he let go of Bones' cock, guiding his hand around to his entrance, feeling his friend stiffen upon the contact. Jim kissed his cheek quickly. "Relax, Bones," he whispered comfortingly. Feeling Leonard giving a bit, Jim slipped his index finger inside. Immediately, his lover tensed up again. Knowing he'd have to take it slow with his virgin doctor, Kirk withdrew slightly but not slipping out again, instead moving the digit around, intending to loosen him.  
Only Bones was not loosening but tensing up further. Jim frowned slightly; hearing him breath in quick gasps. The blonde released the wrist he was still pinning to the table and felt for his lover's erection, intending to distract him. Noticing it had considerably diminished, he frowned harder. _'What the fuck-?'_  
Jim leaned back slightly to look at Bones' face, considering. The other man's eyes were squeezed shut, his teeth set, chest still heaving in pants that seemed almost painful. _'He can't be in pain; I didn't do anything yet!'_  
"Bones? Bones, talk to me!" When his friend didn't answer, he gently kissed his cheek to get his attention. "Look at me, please."  
Finally, Leonard opened his eyes again and stared at Jim with desperation and stark fear in his soft, hazel eyes. "Stop. Oh gods, Jim, please stop," he pleaded in a hoarse whisper. Jim, scared beyond words, immediately retrieved his finger and stepped away from his lover. Wide-eyed, he watched as Bones rolled off his desk and pulled his pants back up with shaking hands, keeping his head down and not looking at his Captain.  
"I- I can't, I'm sorry, Jim... I can't." Leonard covered his face with his hands, still trembling.  
Jim, unsure if his lover would permit any physical contact, kept his distance, still shell-shocked. He ached to reach out to him, to hug him; Bones' emotional pain was almost tangible and it hurt Jim to see it. He let a few moments pass, trying to gather his own thoughts. Bones still kept a secret from him; that much was clear now, and Kirk was terribly afraid he could guess what it was. But it was impossible...  
"Bones," he finally asked quietly. "Have you been... molested?"  
His friend let his hands slip away from his face, closing his eyes for a moment, obviously still struggling with himself. Then he opened them again and looked at Jim, and in his eyes was so much anguish, shame and defeat that he really didn't need to say anything.  
_'No! No no no no no...'_ Jim couldn't help but reach out to his friend now; cradling his cheek, still staring into his too-wide eyes, his too-unguarded face, while the world around him came crushing down.  
"Oh Bones..."

Leonard numbly stared at his lover, seeing so much of the fear he himself felt reflected there. This was it. His secret was out. Jim would never regard him the same way again. He waited for the question he knew with absolute certainty that it'd come.  
"...Will you tell me about it?"  
And here it was. _'No reason not to tell it all now.'_  
There really was no reason to hold back anymore; though Leonard wished with all his heart he would not have to be the one to change the way Jim looked at him; knowing he could never take back what was about to be said.  
He sighed and nodded, buckling his knees and sliding down the front of his desk onto the floor, pulling Jim down with him.  
Drawing his legs in towards his body, his arms wrapped around them as to protect himself from the demons of the past, Leonard began to speak.

^^y^^

I know this ends with a MAJOR cliffhanger; I apologize for that. I usually don't do this but it was needed here because the next chapter will be only Bones' memory; and it will be dark. So I'm gonna let it stand alone and you can chose whether to read it or proceed directly to chapter 5. Well, until then, please stay with me and review, if you liked it. Next chapter: _The Impossible_.

Love, Coco


	4. The Impossible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...here it is. I had trouble writing it (took me almost a whole night, but I wanted to get it over with) and I'm honestly feeling a bit faint posting it.  
> Please let me remind you that it is possible not to read this chapter and to proceed directly to chapter 5 without missing out on anything of the storyline.
> 
> Thanks go to my beautiful beta, Louisa, and to macywinstar, Eclair3.14159 and Try_again_next_time for your support and reviews - it means a lot to me, really.
> 
> Chapter's warnings: Graphic description of sexual assault, blackmailing and rape.

_Pain -- has an Element of Blank --_   
_It cannot recollect_   
_When it began -- or if there were_   
_A day when it was not --_

_It has no Future -- but itself --_   
_Its Infinite realms contain_   
_Its Past -- enlightened to perceive_   
_New Periods -- of Pain._

_\- Pain, Emily Dickinson_

 

**Chapter 4: The Impossible**

 

_The medical faculty really was no place to seek solitude. People were walking through its corridors at every hour of the day; professors, doctors, students, suppliers, you name it; so there was almost no place at all you could work in quiet._   
_Leonard McCoy, student of Medicine at the University of Mississippi in his third year, always managed to find someplace where he could learn for himself, though. He didn't actually **need** to learn by himself; he could've joined one of the many studying groups of his subject, but he preferred to do it on his own: people of his age tended to dislike him, and he tended to dislike people of his age. Another reason for him to stay away from other students was that he was very slim, almost skinny, decidedly unathletic and had the smartest head of his whole year. Mix into that his natural reticence and short patience for anyone asking stupid questions, you were well on your way in becoming the most unpopular student on campus, and some of the bigger and stupider guys from Physical Education occasionally liked to point that out to him._   
_That was why Leonard McCoy was currently sitting on a table in the morgue where they kept the bodies of the dead people they were exercising surgery techniques on, bent over a PADD that contained a variety of books on a Friday evening, when normal people went out to party. The semester was nearing its end; finals were coming up, and even though he was pretty sure he would pass the tests easily, it was always better to be on the safe side._   
_He sighed; he should have listened to that advice sooner, before he'd started to steal medical supplies from the faculty. He hadn't done it for himself; he'd given them to the guys from the Charity Health Center he was working for without pay and in his free time. He doubted that would hinder the dean from kicking his sorry ass out of university without a second thought, regardless of his top grades and extracurricular activities. His life had definitively become harder in the last few weeks; since he'd let himself be caught smuggling medication out of one of the storage rooms. The professor who'd found him had been kind, though, and promised not to tell anyone if Leonard would help and assist him with his work, which included cleaning dissecting tables as well as answering correspondence and sometimes even administrative work for the faculty. He worked additional hours three times a week, whenever Professor Burgh needed help, and it had been like this since the last four weeks._   
_Tonight, the Professor had asked him to clean the tables in the morgue, like the one he was sitting on right now. He'd given him an hour to do it, and since McCoy was usually quick with his hands, he was already finished and had decided to use the remaining half-hour to read up some stuff about Klingon anatomy, which he still found illogical._

_Long minutes passed in silence. Leonard was about to pull up the next topic to read when his communicator beeped. "McCoy here."_   
_"Leonard, are you already finished down there?" the slightly distorted voice of Professor Burgh asked._   
_"Yes, Sir."_   
_"Very well. Come to my office, then. I need you for one more thing tonight."_   
_Leonard sighed. "I'm on my way."_   
_There really was not much he could do about it, after all. Professor Burgh was fair enough to him by not reporting him. Quickly gathering his stuff, he jumped off the dissecting table and waved the dead corpses around him Goodnight._

_While he made his way towards the turbolift, he glanced at the clock on his PADD. Once again, it was well past midnight. The lights in the building were already dimmed, only some night lights were still flickering feebly. When he exited the lift on the third floor, he found that the office s were already deserted, too. He and the Professor might be the last in here besides John, the elderly night guard; everybody else having already left for the weekend. When he approached the door of Burgh's office, he steeled himself for another round of awkwardness. The Professor had a habit of making slightly inappropriate compliments; sometimes even touching students he especially liked. Most of the times, it was absolutely innocent, a pat on the shoulder or the arm, and Leonard would simply shrug it off. Some people needed to touch more than others, after all. But then there were times when it hadn't been quite that easy to disregard: a hand on the small of his back when Burgh would look over his shoulder at the notes McCoy'd made on his PADD. A brief touching of his hand while it was lying on the table. On one occasion, Leonard could've sword he'd felt him smell his neck, though he wasn't too sure about that._

_He knocked and was immediately asked to enter._   
_Professor Burgh was sitting at his desk but stood up when Leonard came in. He wasn't wearing his white lab coat as he did during his lectures. Instead he was dressed in his usual, tailored suit with expensive looking shoes sans the jacket, which hung over the back of his chair. As he stood up, he smoothed out the wrinkles in his shirt; pulling it down where it'd slit up over the pouch he'd started to develop._   
_Leonard stifled a yawn. "What else do you need me for, Professor?"_   
_"Ah Leonard, I was only hoping you could look at these charts here with the results of last week's experiment. Since it was your idea to try that specific molecular structure to stir a faster grow rate of the cells, I want your opinion on it."_   
_Leonard nodded and stepped over to him; taking the offered PADD and quickly scrolling through the figures, pausing here and there for a closer inspection. He absently noticed the Professor leaning over his shoulder._   
_"...Well, the cells show increased proliferation. It looks like a success, though I would recommend that you'd increase the amount of added oxygen here-," he interrupted himself when he felt the other man's hand on his back again. Burgh's breath was warm on his neck and caused Leonard's skin to crawl slightly. Clearing his throat, he continued with his interpretation of the data. While he spoke, he noticed Burgh had come closer again, now actually bumping into Leonard when he bent forward to look at a row of numbers._   
_"That's a very interesting suggestion, Leonard. We will try the added oxygen next time. Now, how about something to drink?" He walked over to his cabinet and pulled out two glasses, along with a bottle of Romulan Ale. Leonard frowned. "No thanks, Sir. You realize Romulan Ale is known for harmful side effects? The federal Board of Health just released-"_   
_"My dear boy, you have to relax! Really, Leonard, you're a walking health report," he chuckled and downed his glass. McCoy felt his gaze wander over his body and suddenly felt very uncomfortable. "I think I should go now..."_   
_"Seriously, my boy, it's Friday night! What, do you have a date or something like that? But then again, you have a girlfriend, right?"_   
_"Yes," Leonard confirmed, confused. "How do you-"_   
_"I've kept an eye on you. I keep an eye on every student with such a remarkable talent for medicine." The Professor slowly came closer again, stopping right in front of Leonard, who took a step back. "I said 'every student', but I am especially interested in you, Leonard. You caught my eye right from the start. You're a very handsome young man..." Saying this, he placed his hand behind Leonard's head and pulled him in for a kiss. Instinctively, Leonard twisted away. "Stop that!"_   
_"Think about it, Leonard. This is a chance for you. I am equipped with excellent connections. I could get you every job you want in Mississippi or even Georgia, if you want to move back home. Don't refuse me."_   
_He let his other hand wander to Leonard's back, pulled the young man close again. Leonard growled, feeling nothing but disgust at this blatant offer. "So you'd like me to be ya personal whore for the rest o' my studies? I think I'd rather make it on my own!"_   
_"I know you are proud, Leonard. But may I remember you that you have a pregnant girlfriend? And what about the child, you'll need a good job to earn money for them. How bad can it be to do this for me when I can do such much more for your future? Don't be an idiot..." He leaned in to kiss him again, but this time, Leonard gathered all of his strength to push the older man away. Slender as he was, he managed to slip out of his grasp and made a beeline for the door. Before he could reach it though, he heard Burgh utter a command: "Computer, lockdown!"_   
_The answering beep chilled McCoy to the bone. He was trapped! Slowly turning around to his captor, he glared at him. "Open the door!"_   
_Burgh calmly walked over to his cabinet and poured himself another drink. "I am afraid I don't want to do that, Leonard." Taking a sip, he placed the glass on his desk and started to unbutton his shirt. Leonard stared in complete disbelief. "You- you can't do this!!"_   
_Burgh laughed. "I think I can. And since you obviously refuse to listen to reason, I guess I need to be a bit more convincing." With that, he made his move; catching Leonard somewhat off guard and swiftly trapped him in an airlock from behind. Leonard tried to pry the somewhat more muscular limb away that blocked his throat but only succeeded in ripping the shirt sleeve and scratching the professor. "No-" he coughed, not getting enough air to yell. His assailant started to manhandle him towards the office desk. The disbelief Leonard felt was immediately replaced by stark fear. Using all his strength again, he tried to dig his heels into the carpet to stop them, all along clawing like mad at Burgh's forearm, drawing blood. The professor grunted slightly but only tightened his hold. Getting desperate, Leonard tried to place a kick; even hitting a shin with surprising accuracy. Burgh growled angrily. "Stop struggling, Leonard!"_   
_When Leonard struggled even harder, he growled again and, removing his right arm from Leonard's throat, punched him hard between the ribs. The young man gasped, his body freezing up for a moment. It was enough for the older man to push him down on his belly onto the tabletop; the professor using his greater weight to his advantage, pinning Leonard in place. He removed his other arm from his throat, then, and his student drew a shuddering breath; trying to get enough air into his lungs to fight back. Burgh pulled up Leonard's shirt; the loose material of the scrubs offering no resistance. Slowly, almost lovingly, he let his right hand roam over the young man's tanned skin, down to his narrow hips that he held in place with the lower part of his own body, while his left pressed down on Leonard's neck, just below the hairline._   
_"You're so beautiful, Leonard..." he whispered feverish. "I've been waiting for this so long..."_   
_"Ge' off me, ya damn bastard," Leonard hissed at him between clenched teeth. His assailant made a disapproving sound. "You're only making this harder for yourself, you know? If you'd just stay still and relax, you might even enjoy it-"_   
_"GET OFF ME RIGHT NOW YA SICKO!" Leonard yelled, still struggling with all his might, throwing his arms backwards in hopes of hitting the professor. The bigger man snarled. "Computer, acoustic insulation!" Turning back to the young man beneath him, he smiled. "We wouldn't want anyone to interrupt us, would we?" Quickly grabbing one of Leonard's flailing arms, he twisted it upwards, drawing a pain-filled moan from him. He pressed down on the limb, effectively holding his victim in place. "Now," he whispered, "don't move."_   
_He grabbed the waistband of Leonard's scrubs, pulling them down along with his boxers until they pooled around his feet. Leonard stifled a terrified whimper, scared beyond belief but seeing no way to escape. In desperation, he turned his head and bit down on the fingers still gripping his neck. Professor Burgh yelled in pain; pulling his hand away. Leonard seized his chance and pushed himself away from the table with his free hand, lifting himself up and smashing the back of his head against Burgh's nose like he had seen people doing it in movies; shattering it and seeing stars in the next instant. The professor roared in rage and pain but didn't let go of his other arm. Leonard numbly thought that he needed to fight on but his body reacted slow, sluggish, as if it didn't belong to him anymore. ' I must have a concussion,' he figured almost calmly._   
_A clinking sound captured his attention and pulled him back to reality. Understanding his captor had opened his belt, he raised his free arm again, pushing against the chest behind him. "No..."_   
_The professor patted his butt in mock-comfort. "This might hurt a bit."_   
_Leonard felt something push against his entrance, forcing its way inside him. "No, stop, please!" he begged, his free hand moving over the desktop, reaching for something, for ANYTHING that might help him._   
_"Gods... you're so tight," came the voice from above him, "Oh my... stop clenching so much, you'll injure yourself..."_   
_Leonard felt tears come to his eyes. It hurt so much. His rapist pushed on relentlessly, slowly, agonizingly, until he was fully inside him. Then the pain lessened a bit and Leonard felt the Professor pull back slightly. Realizing what was coming, he tried to relax but failed miserably; his body too afraid to loosen up._   
_The next moment, the other man rammed himself inside again and Leonard felt the world disappear._   
_The pain was incredible: sharp, white-hot agony filled his whole body, his mind, his heart. He heard himself scream; felt his nails dig into the cold, unfeeling surface he was lying on. Again, his assailant pulled back and slammed inside again a second later and this time, Leonard could feel himself tear, warm blood - his blood! - lubricating his passage, running from between his thighs down his legs in thin, light red paths, bleeding into his soul. Again, the push forward. And again. It seemed never to end, go on and on, while his rapist moaned in sync with his thrusts._   
_'Please... somebody, help me,' Leonard prayed silently. 'Please make it stop...' He felt hot tears spill from his closed eyes to drop onto the desk, smearing up with his attacker's movements; an endless, twisted parody of love._

_Finally, it was over. With a last, brutal shove, his rapist spilled himself inside Leonard's unresisting body and collapsed on his back, panting hard. The young man didn't stir when the Professor kissed his cheek, sweat dripping onto the desk to mingle with the tears already there._   
_"Leonard... beautiful Leonard," Burgh sighed, releasing him. He petted the hazelnut colored strands._   
_"This wasn't too bad, was it?"_   
_Leonard remained completely still, eyes empty and unfocused, only flinching slightly when the other man pulled out of him, releasing a small gust of blood._   
_"Well, seems I was a bit too rough, after all... But I'm sure you'll heal in no time." Straightening up, the Professor closed his pants and belt again, tucked in his shirt and collected his jacket from his chair. He took a handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed at his broken nose, removing the few drops of blood that had come forth; winching slightly. "I must say, I did enjoy your spirit... Though I better fix this at home, what do you think?" Not really expecting an answer, he finished cleaning up, silently humming to himself._   
_Leonard forced his body to move up; he was shaking so bad he almost lost balance when he bent to pick up his scrubs, but managed to pull them up. He straightened his shirt, the whole time staring straight ahead, his face carefully blank. He didn't even flinch when Burgh put his hand on his back, guiding him towards the office door. "Computer, unlock."_   
_Stepping through, they made their way slowly towards the lift, Leonard limping slightly. When they were inside and moving down, Professor Burgh looked sharply at him, the grip on Leonard's shoulder becoming uncomfortable._   
_"Now listen closely, my boy... Always remember I've caught you stealing from the faculty! Nobody must know anything about what happened, so you better keep silent. Don't forget you'll lose your place at the University, think about your pregnant girl... And who would believe you, anyway?"_   
_The lift opened. They moved out and headed towards the front doors. They passed the desk of the watchman on their way; Professor Burgh nodding kindly: "Evening, John!"_   
_The old man looked up and smiled. "Good evening, Professor!" Then he did a double-take. "What happened to your nose?"_   
_Leonard felt the hand on his shoulder clench again, warning him to speak. "Ah, well, I ran into the doorframe of my office, John... But it's not too bad." The watchman nodded and turned towards the young man. "Leonard," he greeted him kindly._   
_Leonard frequented the building so much, they knew each other quite well. He managed a shaky smile. It must have turned out quite unconvincing, because John looked at him strangely. "You feeling alright, kid? You look as pale as death."_   
_The hand on Leonard's shoulder squeezed painfully again, and he nodded. "It... has been a long day, John."_   
_The night guard still didn't look at ease, but nodded, too. "Well then... have a nice weekend, Gentlemen."_   
_"You too, John," Professor Burgh answered cordially and they proceeded through the front doors onto the green of the campus. "See you in class, Leonard," he said quite cheerful and walked away like nothing had happened at all._

_Leonard stared at the dark night sky for a long moment, relieved to be out of his rapist's presence. Tears threatened to spill again, but he forced them back rigorously and turned towards the dormitories. Slowly, achingly, he made his way over the green grounds, into the building and to his room. When the door closed behind him and he'd locked it, he went to the bathroom, turned on the lights and carefully removed his clothing. His boxers were sticky with blood and semen. He stared at them for a moment, then put them aside . He searched the mirror cabinet for the medical tricorder he'd nicked for emergencies and activated it. Hands trembling, he moved the scanning device over his abdomen, winching at the readings he received, though they were by no means unexpected: rectal fissures, contusions, lacerations... At least the tricorder showed no traces of infection of any kind. He was glad about that small mercy - he didn't get any STD._   
_Leonard put the device away again, straightened up painfully and stepped into the shower. He turned on the water, raised the temperature until it was almost scalding hot and, unable to hold himself up any longer, sank onto his hands and knees. His body was shaking so bad he was slightly afraid of being in shock. Breathing deeply, he tried to calm himself. Images of the assault flickered in front of his eyes; he clearly saw the face of his rapist, heard him whisper into his ear, heard him moan with pleasure, felt his hands on him, felt his-_   
_"STOP!" he cried. Clutching his head between his hands, Leonard tried to force the images away; not to think them. Sobs were coming from somewhere deep inside him, some place that'd been innocent but was corrupted now._   
_So Leonard cried for that piece of him that he'd lost._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a rather short chapter, but I promise the next one will be up to my old standard.  
> I want you to know that I've absolutely no clue about the biological experiment mentioned; it is of no consequence to the storyline though, so please forgive me.  
> If any of you want to comment this chapter, even if it is to say "I fucking hate your guts!", please do; I'm really anxious how it turned out (I've never written rape before).  
> See you in chapter 5: Fears and Questions


	5. Fears and Questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> Glad to say this chapter's not gonna be as angsty and mean as the last one. Some hurt/confort, of course, Burgh making threats. But - this chapter has another two of our beloved crew members appearing: Spock and Scotty! YAY! :) So, I am afraid I'm happily butchering a scottish accent now - please bear with me. 
> 
> All hail to Krisalt, Lucy Luthor and macywinstar for reviewing! 
> 
> Chapter's warnings: Mentioning of rape, h/c

_When your well is drying up_   
_like a desert into dust_   
_and there's no rain on the horizon_   
_I'll be there to fill your cup._

_When your burdens weigh you down_   
_like a cloud about to burst_   
_rest your head upon my shoulder_   
_and I will carry all your hurt._

_I will love you till the world stops turning_   
_and ever after, when it comes._   
_And all the days between are left for learning_   
_what this life's about_   
_so I'll love you till the world stops turning 'round._

_\- Till the world stops turning, Kaleb Jones_

 

**Chapter 5: Fears and Questions**

 

When Leonard finally stopped and fell silent, he remained on the floor, his arms still wrapped protectively around himself, too caught up in the memories that haunted him anew now he'd remembered them. It had all been buried so deep - he'd desperately tried to forget, quelled all thoughts of his shame; but now, they felt as fresh and raw as if it all had happened only yesterday.  
Out of the corner of his eyes, he looked at Jim; too afraid to see disappointment or, yet worse, disgust. Jim Kirk was so self-assured, so... strong. He probably would've killed the attacker before he'd have permitted him to use him in such a manner. Leonard sighed; even if the same were to happen to him again, he was not sure he had it in him to kill a person.  
Finally, when the silence stretched too long, he tentatively reached out towards his friend, not quite touching him. "Jim... Are you... are you alright?"

Jim felt sick. He'd felt sickened by some things he'd seen in his life, awful things, but - I'd never been quite like this; quite so strong, way too close for comfort. His insides clenched painfully and he felt bile rise to his throat. The things he'd just heard... Knowing it was Bones, _his Bones_ , that had been raped! Bones was the kindest person he knew. Beneath that layer of grumpiness and righteous indignation was the most gentle and compassionate soul that ever existed. To know that this kind, this _selfless_ person had been violated in the most degrading and humiliating manner was almost too much to bear.  
Kirk was still shell-shocked, hands trembling faintly, when he caught the end of McCoy's question. Wide-eyed, he turned to face his lover. "Am _I_ alright??"  
Bones lifted a shoulder uncomfortably, still looking down. "I was afraid you'd gone into shock."  
"..." Jim was at a loss for words. This was so typical for Bones! Even now, he was afraid that _Kirk_ was unwell. "Bones, will you... would you permit me to touch you?" With all his heart, he wanted to hold his love, make the pain less for both of them.  
Leonard nodded slowly and that was all Jim needed. Skidding closer, he pulled the other man into an embrace. "I wish I'd been there, Bones. I wish _someone_ had been there for you.." Kirk knew with absolute certainty that his friend had never told anyone before what'd happened to him at university, that he'd suffered alone for all those years. It all made so much sense now; McCoy's reclusiveness, his anger at every perceived form of injustice, even his unending need to help other people. Jim understood now why his friend had never let anyone come too close and why he couldn't bear Jim to -  
The blonde winced. "I'm sorry I rushed this so much... I'm sorry I've always hit on you; tried to trip you into my bed-"  
"Don' worry abou' it, kid," McCoy interrupted him. "I wanted this - _us_ \- to happen, an' I'm glad it did. Just... just give me a little time..."  
Jim kissed his brow and hugged him even closer. "As much as you need, Bones."  
A few moments passed in silence while he noticed that Leonard was gathering courage to say something else.  
"Jim, I love you, an' I know you love me too. But, if you think you cannot continue this after all you've heard-"  
"Stop," his Captain commanded quietly, and for once, the doctor complied. "What happened to you - it was not your fault, Bones, and it makes you no less of a man. You're still the greatest person I know, hell, I admire you even more now!" Even when he said it, Jim knew it to be true: after all he had suffered, Bones had still managed to pull through with his heart intact; did he still feel compassion for others. "You're so selfless, Bones, it makes me feel selfish! You care about everyone! And you love your daughter, too."  
Leonard snorted, humorless. "I rarely see my daughter, Jim; I might just as well have abandoned her."  
"Bullshit!" Kirk turned his lover's face around, made him look into his eyes at last. When he spoke again, Jim made sure Leonard knew he meant every word.  
"Joanna loves you. And she knows you love her, too. You did not fail your daughter, Bones, even if your marriage did."  
Hazel eyes stared at him, full of unshed tears. "I-I couldn't be the husband she needed anymore, Jim... I couldn't- I tried to give her what she wanted, but I... I had changed, and she couldn't understand why. She blamed me for our break-up - and I think she's right, it was all my fault!" Finally tears that had been held back for too long started to fall. Jim held onto his lover while Bones clung to him, strong fingers buried in Jim's shirt, shoulders shaking with silent sobs.  
"It's not your fault, Bones," Jim whispered, "It was a crime. It's not your fault..." _'Gods, how- how did I not notice this sooner? Some genius I am, failing to notice my best friend was suffering! No one... no one will ever lay hands on you again, Bones, I swear this to you...'_  
And so Jim continued to hold him while he wept.

* * *

 

 

A long time later, Leonard stopped crying and released his death-grip on his friend's shirt, too tired to do more than stare blankly ahead. Jim waited for a few more minutes, then he gently began to pull his lover up. "Come on, Bones, let's go."  
The other man was completely unresisting, allowing himself to be moved onto his feet. Kirk let go of him then; though he held onto Leonard's hand to pull him along. He directed them towards McCoy's rooms, figuring his friend would prefer the familiarity of his own quarters. The hallway was completely deserted; it was way past midnight already. When they reached the doctor's quarters, Jim quickly typed in the code, guiding Leonard inside.  
"Bones, do you wanna eat something?" It was a question he already knew the answer to so he wasn't surprised when his lover shook his head. "No thanks Jim."  
"Let's go to bed, then, ok?" McCoy nodded mutely and followed Kirk to the bedroom. The Blonde quickly discarded his uniform, stripping down to his boxers; all the while keeping an eye on Leonard. He winced when his gaze fell on the ripped upper part of his friend's scrubs but didn't comment it.  
When they'd both undressed, they went to bed and turned off the lights. Jim wondered if Leonard would permit him to snuggle close; maybe it was too early for that; but maybe Bones needed it, maybe-  
As if he'd heard his lover's silent arguing, Bones stretched out his arm and pulled him close. Relieved, Jim rested his head on Leonard's tanned chest. They didn't talk anymore; McCoy was falling asleep from sheer exhaustion after a few minutes. Kirk listened to the regular breaths of his love, unable to sleep himself. Too much was going on inside his head - repetitions of the things Bones had told him, painful questions on how their future as a couple would be, and, first and foremost, _anger_. Anger that the very man who'd raped his friend was still free, was still walking around, was _there_ to haunt Bones to this day. While he lay there in the dark, unable to sleep, Jim Kirk vowed to himself that he would bring Dr Burgh to justice - or kill him.

* * *

 

The next morning came too damn early. Jim fixed a hurried breakfast, unwilling to let them face the day without some food to sustain them. He wanted to speak over the things Bones had told him the night before but there really was no time for it. He'd have to try later.  
McCoy left his quarters for his shift in Med Bay, leaving Kirk to ponder some more. He'd do all he could to make Dr Burgh pay for what he did, but first, he'd have to look into the legal aspect. He really didn't want to go to any of the Fleet's lawyers, though, and he also didn't want to consult Christopher Pike, at least not yet; and that really left only-  
"Spock!" Jim voiced his last thought. The Vulcan knew everything about legal proceedings, surely. Also, he was Jim's friend and would never betray his confidence. Bones was another matter, though - he was not too fond of _the hobgoblin_ , as McCoy occasionally called him, and probably wouldn't want him to know.  
But it would be alright if he'd just ask about some general stuff, wouldn't it?

A short time later, Kirk was in his own quarters, sitting at his desk, waiting impatiently for Spock to answer his video call. He tapped his fingers in nervous anticipation; willing the black screen in front of him to flicker to life. Finally, a familiar, pointy-eared face came into view.  
"Spock," Jim cried happily. It'd been months since he'd last seen his friend and First Officer, he was genuinely glad to see him. Spock's assertive logic and dispassion was exactly what he needed to straighten his chaotic thoughts. "How're things going on New Vulcan?"  
The vulcan Elders had been working for a while now to establish a new form of society after the destruction of their home planet with less than 30,000 survivors.  
Spock's face was impassive but his voice was almost cordial when he spoke. _"Greetings, Captain. I can assure you New Vulcan is very promising, given the current circumstances. Ambassador Spock's knowledge was of great value."_  
Kirk nodded, but didn't ask after the older Spock. He still wasn't too sure if he liked the man from the alternative reality - or his other self; who was some kind of macho superhero with adoring parents; with so many medals pinned to his chest that he must surely fall over if he'd wear them all. The man who'd become admiral but chose to be a simple captain instead, to be with his one true love again; the _USS Enterprise_. Jim didn't know if he had it in him to be an admiral, and even less if he really wanted to be one. Especially now that he had Bones - he knew full well that his love would surrender his status of CMO - along with his chances to become an admiral himself one day - for a simple house in the green fields of Georgia on the planet he was born; under the burning sun and the clear blue skies.

He was pulled out of his musings by Spock clearing his throat, obviously waiting for a response to one of the things he'd said. "Uh, sorry Spock, I kinda spaced out for a moment..."  
The Vulcan raised his eyebrow. _"I noticed, Captain. Was there something you want from me, if you didn't call to hear about our progress on New Vulcan?"_  
"Yeah, uhm... I wanted to ask you some questions about legal proceedings. For example, how long can a person charge another with - with violation?"  
Spock considered the question. _"You mean for how many years after the initial incident can a person be charged with sexual assault?"_  
"Yes, exactly," Jim was relieved Spock got his meaning immediately.  
_"How many years are we talking about, Captain?"_  
"About eight years, I guess."  
_"Fortunately, sexual assault no longer has a statute of limitation; not since 2051. The same applies for sexual harassment, though there are gradations. How dire was the assault, Captain?"_  
"It... it was bad, Spock," Kirk mumbled, not quite meeting the brilliant Vulcan's eyes, concentrating on a spot on his desktop instead. "It was rape."  
Spock was silent for several moments. Then he spoke again, his voice more gentle than Kirk'd ever heard it. _"Jim, are you inquiring because you have been raped?"_ The young man winced at the insensitive approach; he could only imagine what it must be like for Bones if this was already uncomfortable for himself. "No, Spock. Not me."  
_"But a member of our crew?"_  
"Yes." Jim figured it was safe enough to admit as much as there was no reason why another captain's crew member should come to him with a concession like that.  
_"I see. Well, as Star Fleet is a federal institution, it would be advisable for the crewman in question to appeal to the legal bureau of Star Fleet and consult a legal advisor."_  
"Is it here, in San Francisco? At HQ?"  
_"Indeed."_  
"And what kind of, uhm, evidence do you need?"  
Spock paused; considering again. _"Of course it would have been optimal if the victim had seen a medical professional immediately afterwards to take record of the inflicted injury. But as you already stated that it happened several years ago; I'd say this has not been the case. Still, it would be best to have any proof at all that there has been a physical assault - in form of witnesses, for example, that can testify a respective injury. Then, if you can make a credible case of non-consensual intercourse, you will need to proof that the person you are charging has been the perpetrator."_ The Vulcan interrupted himself.  
_"Is the perpetrator known to you, Captain?"_  
Kirk gnashed his teeth, his knuckles turning white as he balled his fist. "Yes, he is."  
_"You will need evidence that he is, indeed, the rapist, and that will be the hardest part; to proof that it was non-consensual."_  
Jim felt his hopes diminish. "What- what would we need?"  
_"Seminal liquid, for example; along with a record of injury that indicates sexual assault."_  
The Blonde sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm not sure if that's possible, Spock."  
_"On the other hand, if you had a confession from the perpetrator-"_  
"Now I know that's definitively impossible," Kirk groaned and stood up, unable to sit still any longer. Spock watched him pace for a while. _"Captain... I see you are emotionally involved in this case. I will assist you, of course, if you need me. But I must say, and it pains me to do so, that you will need evidence, or you will lose your case. In dubio pro reo; it is still valid today. If you can't proof the person you are accusing is guilty, then the court will clear him of all charges."_

* * *

 

Through his whole shift today, Leonard hadn't known how he felt. He was oddly relieved to have confided in Jim at last, but all that he had buried deep and well inside him was unearthed; his soul felt raw again as if it'd happened only yesterday. It didn't really help to suppress his dark thoughts that his lover would call almost by the hour, checking on him and asking if he was alright. He'd been relieved that Burgh wasn't on duty today or McCoy thought he might have lost his breakfast; his stomach felt sore and bile rose in his throat whenever his mind strayed into the past again.  
In a few minutes his shift would be over and he would have to face a probably overprotective Kirk again.  
He signed the medical discharge report of the cadet that had managed to somehow shoot himself in the foot with his own phaser during classes; a classic. Leonard had regenerated the muscle-, ligament- and skin-tissue, wrapped the whole foot in bandages and sent the embarrassed cadet off after he'd given the poor kid a piece of his mind; all in hopes of never seeing him here again. McCoy stretched his arms forward, trying to loosen his upper body. His back was tight and hurt like hell.

"You could get Kirk to give you a backrub," a female voice behind him snickered. Leonard turned and scowled, mostly out of habit than reprimand. "I'm fine."  
Christine Chapel quirked a perfectly shaped eyebrow. "Like hell you are, Leonard. You're distracted and spaced off more than once today. You should be glad there were no emergencies today!"  
McCoy sighed and rubbed his neck. "Yeah, I know, Chris. Sorry. I'm just- I don't feel all that well..."  
"Well, your shift is over anyway. So go home and get that backrub!"  
Leonard smiled slightly. "You'll make a good mother some day, you know tha'?"  
The head nurse smirked. "You bet I'll be. Now go and get laid or something."  
"Christine!"  
"What? If my boyfriend was as sexy as Jim Kirk I'd never show up for work again! I bet he is quite well equipped, too, right?"  
_"Christine!"_

* * *

 

Leonard made a detour to his quarters to grab some clean clothes before he proceeded to Jim's place. His lover had commed him earlier with a brief note that he'd be preparing dinner again (and a footnote daring McCoy to show up late). When he entered the spacious Captain's quarters, his nose immediately picked up the delicious scent of garlic, tomato and chili. "Spaghetti Arrabiata," he stated contentedly, "Thanks, darlin'."  
Breathing a kiss on the fine hair on Jim's neck, he wrapped his arms around his lover.  
"Bones," the younger man protested, "this is a crucial moment! I've got to pay attention or a wonderful dinner will be ruined!"  
"I'll eat you, then."  
"I'd love that, but I need something more nourishing, I'm afraid."  
Leonard sighed in mock-exasperation but complied, moving towards the cupboard and collecting plates and cutlery. "How was your day?"  
Jim kept his back on him and continued to stir the sauce, taking a moment to answer. "...It was alright. I - I talked to Spock."  
"Well, how's that green-blooded menace doin'?"  
"They're prospering."  
"Yep, that sounds just like him!"  
"We didn't talk much about his work, really."  
"No?" Leonard asked, eyebrows raised. "What did you-"  
"Dinner's ready!" Kirk announced, effectively changing the topic and loading the two plates Leonard was offering high with a mountain of Spaghetti. McCoy carried them over to the table in the living room; Jim following with two beers and handing one to his lover. Leonard accepted it gratefully and took a healthy swig before digging into his food. As usual, they didn't talk while they were eating, so it was not until they were finished and leaning back in their chairs that Leonard spoke again. "What's up?"  
Jim looked at him, questioning.  
"Something's on your mind, Jim; you're awfully quiet. What is it, kid?" Leonard knew his intuition was correct when his lover looked down on his empty plate. Reaching across the table, he lightly touched his hand. "...Jim?"  
"Well, you know, uhm... I was just... I was wondering..." McCoy frowned at his friend; it was unusual for Kirk to ramble. Taking firm hold of the other man's hand, he guided them both over to the couch, pulling Jim against his side.  
"Come on, tell me. It can't be worse tha' my confession last night, right?" Even to his own ears, the joke sounded forced. Jim flinched slightly, but started to speak at last: "When I talked to Spock today... I asked him what the legal proceedings would be if - if you were to press charges against Burgh."  
Leonard remained silent for a long time. Then, he asked with deadly calm: "You told Spock about what happened to me?"  
"No, no!" The Blonde hurried to answer. "I never said it was you! I only inquired in, uh, a general sense. You know... if there was any chance of getting that sick bastard..." Jim stopped, quieted by the look of hurt anger on his lover's face.  
"Jim," McCoy began, trying very hard to remain calm, "I know you want to help, and, as usual, you're acting before you pause to think. I did not tell you about what happened to press charges or anything - did you think for a moment what would happen if people knew? The crew - our friends - they'd all want to help, they'd all talk about it, this'd be all over the place-"  
"Being raped is nothing to be ashamed of, Bones." Jim interrupted his lover's rant quietly.  
"What do ya know abou' shame, Jim??" McCoy jumped off the couch, pacing the room in angry strides. "Do ya have any idea how - how embarrassing, how painful it was to admit it even to you? I thought I could trust you-"  
"I never betrayed your trust!" Jim raised his voice, equally worked up now. "I only told Spock It'd happened to a crew member, I didn't say any names! I would never tell anyone, and you know that!"  
"But yet ya want me to take this to court and tell a bunch o' strangers about it!"  
"Because I thought you had the courage to do it!"  
McCoy rounded on him, fists balled at his sides. "This isn't about courage! This is about maintaining stable relationships wi' the people I work with! How the hell am I supposed to do that, if they all know about my past?? If they all look a' me an' think: _'See, tha's our Doctor, who got himself bent over the table an' fucked by his Professor!'_ ...If I'm lucky, they'd jus' pity me, or they'd think I did it for better grades-"  
Leonard's voice broke on the last words. Jim stared at him, incredulous. "Nobody would ever think that, Bones," he whispered finally. "They are your _friends_! I am your friend, too; do you honestly think I'd believe you'd let yourself be raped willingly?"  
His doctor bent his head; shoulders sagging. For a moment, it looked as if he wouldn't be able to hold himself up any longer. "...It's what happened, isn't it?" he asked so silently Kirk had to strain his ears to catch the words. "I let myself be raped by my professor."  
Jim swallowed, tears rising to his eyes. "How do you mean that?" he asked thickly. Leonard shook his head. "I- I didn't stop him."  
"You _couldn't_ stop him, Bones."  
Hazel eyes stared into bright blue ones. "I should - should have stopped him... I- how could I- how could I let it happen?" McCoy slumped forward; unable to stand any longer. Kirk caught him in mid-fall, embracing him, holding his lover tight when tears started to spill from their eyes.  
"It wasn't your fault, Bones." Jim repeated, over and over. "It wasn't your fault..."  
"I should've stopped him, Jim," Leonard cried, feeling disgusted with himself. "I should've been strong..."  
"You _are_ strong, Bones! You're the strongest person I know. And that's why I know you'd also be strong enough to go to court, if you want to. But," Jim took his lover's face into his hands, looked him deep into the warm, expressive eyes. "if you don't want to do it, that's ok, too. I will be with you, no matter what."  
With that, he kissed him; fiercely and passionately, trying to put into this kiss all his love and adoration. Leonard responded in kind, just as urgent, with a desperate edge to his movements as he ripped open Jim's shirt, tossing it aside. His own shirt quickly followed; both men moaning when skin touched skin. It didn't take long for them to discard their pants, too; Jim wondering briefly if Bones' heart was really into this but realizing that his lover _needed_ this, right now - needed to lose himself in touches and kisses and forget about everything for one night. So Jim followed along; touching, kissing, moving his hands towards the other man's erection, guiding it towards his entrance-  
"No," Bones whispered. Jim opened his eyes, disconcerted. "No?"  
"I'll not make love to you without preparation, Jim."  
The Blonde really didn't know if he should be exasperated or touched by the fact that his lover would even now put Jim's needs before his own. So he just nodded, got up and collected the lube from the nightstand drawer. Lying back down on the plush carpet, he opened it and coated his own fingers, moving them down his body and inside; all the while looking into Bones' eyes that were dark with passion and lust. Jim couldn't hold back a moan when he moved his fingers in and out, quickening the pace, until the other man grabbed his wrist. Happily removing the digits to make space for something else, Kirk opened his legs invitingly. McCoy quickly coated himself with lube and moved between them, gently pressing against Jim's opening; only for a second, though, then he was already gliding inside. Jim threw back his head, moaning at the delicious feeling of being _whole_ ; wrapping his long legs around his lover's waist; guiding him, urging him on. Leonard set a quick pace; both of them too far gone already to draw this out. They found their release almost at the same time; shouting out each other's name.  
Leonard collapsed on Jim; shuddering with the aftermath of his orgasm and silent sobs. His friend wrapped his arms around him, crooning softly.  
They fell asleep with Leonard still inside Jim.

* * *

 

They did not talk again about the subject of a lawsuit for several days; Leonard not bringing it up and Jim resolved to wait for his love to mention it first. They continued their daily routine; the Doctor working in Med Bay and the Captain looking about the refitting of his ship; hiring new crew members and meeting with different officers. Their relationship had changed; though, almost imperceptibly. Though they made a point of having sex, Leonard still shied away whenever Jim became too aggressive; while they made sure they talked and exchanged their views of almost everything, they never talked about that one topic again. They had trouble to sleep, too - Leonard had nightmares almost every night now; if he slept at all, and Jim was kept awake by the stifled moans and the thrashing. Most of the time, he would wake his friend and calm him, sometimes, he'd just hold him close until the nightmare was over.  
It was taking its toll on both men. They both had a high resilience against sleep deprivation; with McCoy being the CMO of Star Fleet's flagship and a natural workaholic and Kirk being its Captain and a bundle of excited energy. But after a few nights, they both sported dark rings under their eyes and a hollow expression that wasn't failed to be noticed by their closest friends.

  
Christine Chapel went from suspicion to downright worry when McCoy fell asleep during one of the medical staff's meetings to make new shift rotation plans. Everyone of the nurses and medics stared in dumbfounded awe as their boss slept, with his face in his hand, slightly snoring; until Christine took pity and woke him up. The incident was especially uncomfortable for Leonard as Burgh had been there as well; smirking and asking him at the next opportunity if there was any _'trouble in paradise'_. McCoy had only glared at the older man; his patience once again dangerously thin but knowing full well that if he'd lose his temper with the Professor in front of his staff again, there'd be dire consequences.  
His Head Nurse pulled him aside as soon as the meeting was over. "What is wrong with you, Leonard?" she asked. "You look like death! And you've _never_ fallen asleep in a staff meeting, usually it's you that keeps everybody on the edges of their seats!"  
He sighed; hating himself for keeping to lie to his friend. "It's nothing, I'm just a bit... overworked."  
"Overworked??" Chapel repeated, incredulous. "You've been overworked since I first laid eye on you; yet the word usually doesn't even _exist_ in your dictionary! We're not in a crisis, not with all the additional doctors and nurses; but you look like you didn't sleep in a week!" She looked into his hazel eyes, normally full of angry energy; that were now dull and somehow almost...hopeless. Even more concerned now, she gently took his arm. "What is it, Leonard? Did you and Kirk... did you have a fight?" She hoped they didn't break up; they were meant to be together; everybody with half a brain could see that.  
Her boss shook his head. "No, Chris. We're alright. It's... it's about me, really... But- I'll work it out, somehow..." he trailed off, wondering if he _would_ work it out somehow. _'Maybe Jim's right...'_  
Though he didn't notice it at first, his lover's words had ignited a small spark of hope inside him that he could get some sort of justice. But he hurried to quell that hope again. _'I can't let anybody else know! How could my staff take me seriously anymore?!'_  
Forcing a pained smile on his face, he patted his Head Nurse on the shoulder. "Don't worry abou' me, Chris."  
Chapel looked at his retreating back, brows furrowed. Somehow, her boss' assurances didn't convince her at all.

* * *

 

Kirk's lack of energy was first noticed by Montgomery Scott. The _Enterprise_ 's Chief Engineer met with him regularly at least twice a week to discuss the progress of the refit and the additional material and equipment that was needed, but also because they'd been friends since Kirk had rescued the Scot from his freezing hellhole on Delta Vega (though it'd really been Ambassador Spock's doing). Scotty's sharp eyes, always sure to detect any anomaly and register every detail, noticed immediately that something was seriously amiss. The Captain never was this muted, this subdued. His default setting was bouncing energy; even in battle he'd seen for himself that Jim Kirk wouldn't cower from anything, he'd always come up with some hare-brained, crazy-assed, brilliant plan to save the day. So naturally, Scotty was concerned when Kirk sat down for their meeting, sighing heavily, saying next to nothing and listening to the Engineer's explanations with such obvious inattention that Scotty finally interrupted himself.  
"What's going on in ye blonde head, lad?" he asked in his almost incomprehensible accent. "Yer a wee bit funny todae. There something I can do for ya?"  
Kirk shook his head and threw him an apologetic half-smile. "No, Scotty, I'm fi-"  
"Don't ye gimme that _'I'm fine'_ bullshit, Jim!" True to form, the Scot voiced his doubts in a manner that always treaded close to insubordination. "Just spill ya guts. Yer sick or something?"  
"No-"  
"But it cannae be the ship! I'd know when something was wrong with me lass!"  
"It's not the ship-"  
"Wait! Yer not gonnae fire me, aye?"  
"Of course not!"  
Scotty regarded him contemplatively; then he smirked and leaned in. "Yer having trouble with yer goode Doctor, lad?"  
Jim sighed again. "Well... not really."  
"Cannae be the sex, pretty lads like ya." The Scot grinned. His Captain blushed slightly. "No, the sex is fine." Realizing how lame that sounded when Scotty lifted one eyebrow, he hurried on: "I mean, it's awesome! It' wonderful; Bones is great, and-" He blushed again very fiercely when the other man grinned even wider and clapped his shoulder. "Good on ya, lad. So, what's it, then?"  
"I... I cannot tell you, Scotty. I'm sorry." As quickly as the good humor had come, it had evaporated and they both grew serious again. Kirk looked down, sighing again.  
"It has to do with me and Bones. But... that's all I can say, really."  
The Engineer nodded. "That's alright, lad. But, yer gonnae sort it out, aye?"  
"I hope we will, Scotty. I really hope we will."

 

Later that afternoon, after he'd boarded his ship with Scotty once more to overview the repairs and technological enhancements that were installed during the refit, Jim bade the Scot goodbye and made his way over to HQ, to see Admiral Pike. His mentor had requested a meeting not necessarily for today, but since Jim had some time on his hands until his lover's shift ended, he decided to not make a superior officer wait. Leisurely he walked over the Green towards the glass-and-metal-building, enjoying the late afternoon sun and the tranquility; wondering if he'd ever feel peaceful again. He felt his love's pain as his own, not sharp like a fresh injury but as a dull ache lingering somewhere in his soul. In addition, there was the stinging knowledge that he could help his love, he _knew_ he could - if only Bones would permit it.  
Faster than he might have wished his feet had carried him to his destination just outside Pike's office. He knocked, and entered.  
The Admiral was sitting at his desk but quickly stood up when he saw Kirk and walked towards him. Jim noticed the confident stride and silently congratulated Bones again to his excellent work.  
"James T. Kirk, it's been a while since we've seen each other," the Admiral said, shaking his protégé's hand and gesturing towards the comfortable armchairs in front of the gigantic window. "It's good to see you, son. How's the _Enterprise_?"  
They both knew full well that Pike didn't need a report from Kirk; as one of the 'Fleet's admirals he got all the information he wanted, but if Pike wanted some friendly banter, Jim was happy to oblige.  
"She's doing well, Sir. She's a tough ship, and Chief Engineer Scott would sooner kill himself before he'd let her out of the dock less than perfect."  
"Ah, yes, Mr Scott..." Pike leaned back in his armchair. "I've never seen such a... dedicated Chief Engineer. Last week I came aboard to take a look at my old command and my cane caught on a cable down in Main Warp Engineering... Thought he'd rip my head off."  
"Yeah, Scots can be scary," Jim smiled slightly, scratching his neck. "But he's one of the best, sir."  
"Without a doubt. Just like the rest of your crew, Kirk." Christopher Pike regarded him closely. "Like your CMO, for example." Somehow, Jim had a sense of foreboding. He nodded slowly. "Dr McCoy is an excellent medic."  
"He is also known to possess quite a temper." Jim's sense of foreboding grew. "...He occasionally lost it with some of our clumsier crewmen - including me," he attempted a joke, "then he'd shout at us until he was sure we wouldn't be so stupid to get our asses toasted again."  
Pike smirked slightly. "Yes, I can imagine that." Growing serious again, he continued. "Unfortunately, rumors have reached me that he didn't leave it at shouting some weeks ago - that he actually hit a fellow doctor during his shift."  
Jim swallowed thickly. "Sir, I assure you... Contrary to his reputation, Dr McCoy isn't a violent man-"  
"I know what you want to tell me, Kirk, but it's not what I want to know. I want to know if it's _true_."  
The Admiral's dark grey eyes pierced the younger man. Kirk calmly held his gaze. "I don't know for sure, Sir, I wasn't present."  
A few seconds of silent battle passed between the two men, then Pike softened his gaze. "I always admired your loyalty towards your crew, son. I would have done the same if I were you."  
Kirk nodded. "I don't think you have to worry about my CMO, Sir." _'I worry enough for both of us.'_  
The older man furrowed his brow, deep in thought. "I hope it is nothing too serious, at least - that Doctor he did or did not hit, Jonathan Burgh; that's quite an influential man. He wasn't even on my list for possible volunteers to help out in our 'Bay, he requested to come! He seems to have some interest in McCoy; with him being his former professor." Pike's tone was questioning, expecting an answer from Jim, who was hard-pressed to proceed the new information and at the same time think of something to say that was the truth but didn't reveal too much. Finally, he just shrugged as if it was of no importance.  
"Yes, they've known each other before."  
The Admiral regarded him again for several moments. "I know you know more than you let on. You don't have to tell me; at least not yet. I've heard you and the Doctor... you share a special relationship now-"  
"We're lovers, Sir." Kirk stated flatly; this was something he would freely admit to anyone. Pike smiled genuinely. "I am happy to hear that, son, I truly am. You should know that I don't want to be forced to take steps against your partner; that man saved my legs, after all. As long as there's no official complaint, I won't do anything about it. But, Jim," le leaned forward again, "if there is any reason why the Doctor should be.. _on leave_ for some time, now or in the future, you _need_ to tell me."  
Jim understood an order when he heard one, though he wasn't completely sure he would follow it. "Of course, Sir."

* * *

 

The short-tempered doctor in question just finished a rather complicated operation on the First Officer of the USS _Farragut_ and was quite exhausted after three and a half hours of unwavering concentration. It'd been a damn unfortunate accident; the poor man had fallen down three decks on his ship that was docked at the moment, too. He'd been trying to find a leak in one of the vertical Jeffries Tubes that traversed the ships from bow to stern and from starboard to larboard. The officer'd lost his footing on the narrow ladder and broke four ribs, two vertebrae and his hip. Splinters of bone had pierced quite a number of organs as well - it'd been a close call. The man had almost bled to death before he even reached Med Bay. Leonard was confident he'd live, though.  
Pulling off his bloody gloves and the stained shirt of his scrubs, he headed for the showers. They were actual showers; since Star Fleet Medical occasionally dealt with pathogens or dangerous acids, it possessed water supply instead of the usual sonic showers all over HQ. The Captain's- and Admiral's Quarters were an exception, too; and the reason why Leonard preferred to stay at Jim's place.  
Throwing his dirty shirt into the laundry chute, he was about to pull off his pants when he heard a small cough. Looking up, he froze when he saw Dr Burgh emerging from the shadows.  
"What are you doing here?" he snarled; another opportunity to kill his tormentor was the last thing he needed today, satisfying as it would be. The older man simply smiled. "Now, don't get all worked up, McCoy. I was merely waiting to talk to you." He took a step forward and Leonard fought to stand his ground, though he couldn't help it that his hands were shaking with anger. Reigning in his temper, he kept his voice leveled. "What about?"  
"Well, you might recall that we once knew each other quite... _intimately_ ," the Professor began. McCoy snorted, disgusted. "Is that what you call fuckin' forcing yourself on somebody now?"  
"Tut, tut," the older man admonished him, coming closer. "Such language. But then, you've never been shy with words. I always liked that. What I would not like, however, is your clever mouth talking about our little secret... You might feel compelled to do so; with your new boy toy, for example."  
McCoy gritted his teeth, stepping up to his ex-Professor. "Don't talk abou' him like that! You know _nothing_ about us!"  
"I do know that you liked _women_ before... our little tête-à-tête. Tell me, Leonard, did I bring out this side of you? Did you enjoy being taken roughly until you bled-"  
Before he knew it, McCoy had the other man pinned against the wall, clutching the scruff of his neck. "Shut the fuck up," he growled. Burgh winced slightly, but smirked nevertheless. "Struck a nerve, didn't I? Bet you like being dominated now, Leonard. Does your lover fuck you like that? Or maybe," he raised his eyebrows, "he doesn't know how perverted you are?"  
"I'm not the perverted one here," McCoy bit out, tightening his grip. "I don' go around rapin' students!"  
"You better calm down, don't you think? Someone might come in and see you attacking me _again_ \- and that would be the end of your career; you'd be lucky to find a new job as a caretaker then. And what would happen with your cute _beau_ ; think he'd go with you? Or would he rather stay Captain of a starship and forget about you?"  
Slowly, Leonard unclenched his fingers, releasing the other medic. Burgh smiled and patted his cheek. "Smart boy."  
The younger man snarled again and swatted the hand away. "Don' think ya can touch me again! I'm not a kid anymore!"  
"Yes, unfortunately. Don't worry, I prefer my playmates to be younger." Burgh stepped away towards the exit. Turning around again, he waved and winked. "Remember my warning, Leonard. Don't forget, I have evidence that you stole University property, too - some things are better left buried, right?"  
Winking again, he walked through the automated doors and was gone.

^^y^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, another chapter done. This one was longer than the last one and I intend to keep it that way with the ones to come. If you liked what you've read, please review and honor me with staying with me for the next chapter: Questions and Decisions  
> Yours sincerely, Coco


	6. Questions and Decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again. I am very sorry for the delay with posting this new chapter, but I was on vacation and didn't so much as think about writing... ;) But now I'm back and will be back to my usual rhythm of one to two weeks max between updates. 
> 
> Thank you, thank you to macywinstar (Yes, they definitely need help - let's see what Spock can do about it!), Ringo103 (Aw, thanks. Sorry you had to wait so long) and Try_again_next_time (I hope you like this chapter as well. Has some lemon to compensate for the long wait.) and of course to my beautiful beta, Louisa.
> 
> Chapter's warnings: Some angst and some lemon, yay! Helpful Spock. Bastard Burgh (I could leave that warning for the rest of this story, though). References to rape.

_Trust your heart if the seas catch fire,_   
_live by love though the stars walk backward._

_-E.E. Cummings_

 

**Chapter 6: Questions and Decisions**

 

Jim knew immediately something was wrong when his lover stepped into his quarters, looking totally beaten. "Bones," he asked, concerned, "what happened?"  
The older man sighed, rubbed his temples as if he had a headache and crossed the room with a few strides; all but collapsing on the couch. He was dressed in his casual clothes now; after that incident with Burgh, he'd showered (after making sure that the damn doors were locked securely) , changed and headed home. He was silent for long moments. Then he whispered: "Burgh cornered me in the showers-"  
"HE DID WHAT??" his lover exploded and immediately was on his feet, furious beyond belief. Leonard looked up quickly; realizing his mistake - Jim had misunderstood him. The other man looked murderous; he was almost at the door already when McCoy held him back. "Wait, Jim! Not like that! He didn't try any of that; not really. He only blackmailed me, damned son o' a bitch."  
Jim went over to him, still shaking with anger but sitting down beside his love. He sighed. " _'Only_ blackmailed you' sounds really wrong. Tell me about it."  
Leonard shifted so he was able to rest his head in Kirk's lap, who promptly started grooming the hazel strands. "He kindly reminded me that he's got evidence that I broke into the university storage rooms..."  
Jim furrowed his brow, thinking hard. "Do you think that the consequences would be bad if he'd tell anyone?"  
Leonard contemplated the question, then shook his head. "No, not that bad. It would've cost me my place at the Ole Miss when the dean had heard about it back then, but today they'd probably give me a slap on the wrist an' leave it at that."  
"Especially since you're the young medical rock star at the 'Fleet." Jim smiled and placed a fond kiss on his lover's brow. Leonard smirked, relieved for the diversion from their topic. "Oh yeah? Tell me abou' it, darlin'," he purred in that rich southern drawl that he knew made the other man melt. The Blonde continued to stroke his hair. "Well... first of all, you're tall, dark and handsome," he began, extending his soft stroking onto his lover's tanned face. "With that certain amount of scruffiness that says _'gorgeous without trying to be'_."  
"Sound hot. Gotta meet that guy."  
"...And of course, everybody knows you've got the most skilled hands at HQ," Jim continued, stroking down McCoy's chest and towards his hands, entwining their fingers. "...Though nobody but me knows just how skilled they really are," he purred, and leaned in to kiss the man in his lap properly.  
Leonard's deep laughter resonated through the room as he lifted himself up to meet Jim.

 

* * *

 

 

Later that night, after they'd moved to the bed and settled comfortably against each other, Jim brought up the topic of their last discussion again.  
"If you're not afraid of the juristic consequences if Burgh would spill his guts, why don't you tell him so?"  
His lover shrugged, leisurely drawing patterns on Jim's back with his fingers. "Dunno. Maybe I should. I could blackmail him instead, threaten to tell everybody abou' what happened eight years ago if he doesn't stay the hell away from me."  
Jim lifted himself slightly to look down into his love's face. "But you're not really considering that option, are you?"  
"No."  
"Why the hell not, Bones?" Kirk asked, exasperated and slightly annoyed.  
"'Cause I don't want anyone else to know."  
"But you know this is the reason why rapists get away with what they did! If someone came to you as a doctor after being assaulted, would you tell them to hush it up? Or would you tell them to make that bastard pay?"  
McCoy looked away, stung by the words. They had shaken his resolve, though. If he answered that question honestly...  
"...You're right, Jim." he admitted, looking back into those azure eyes, almost luminous in the twilight of the bedroom. "Of course I would tell them to do that. I know I should've done the same...back then...but I haven't, and now it's too late."  
"No, it isn't!" Jim sat up completely now, slightly anxious. "That was what I was talking with Spock about. Rape doesn't have a statute of limitation; we could go to see a legal advisor first thing tomorrow-"  
"You're all in without thinking again, kid," Leonard stopped the rant, though he gentled his words by cupping his younger friends' cheek. "That guy, Burgh, he's well connected, you know? Has friends in many important places. Hell, he's the fuckin' _decan_ by now; sittin' in all sort o' commitees! If I'd drag his ass to court, I'd need irrefutable evidence or I could just end my career right now."  
"I know. You'd need seminal fluid, a record of your injuries or something like that." Kirk deflated, sighing. Although he knew the answer, he asked his lover: "...You didn't go to a medic afterwards, right?"  
McCoy mutely shook his head. Jim nodded; he wasn't surprised. He wasn't even too sure if his friend would've seen a doctor when Burgh had not threatened him with suspension from university.  
Settling back into his love's embrace, he was about to close his eyes when Bones spoke again.  
"I... did a tricorder scan on myself when I was back at the dorm..."  
Jim thought about that. "Would that be enough?"  
"I've no damn clue; I'm a doctor, not a lawyer!"  
Besides himself, Kirk had to chuckle at the insider joke they shared. Growing serious again, he chewed on his lip before he asked his next question, knowing this would be difficult. "Bones, if it's too difficult for you to talk with a stranger...would you tell Spock about it?" He winced when he felt McCoy stiffen beneath him.  
"Are you out of your corn-fed mind?" he snarled. "Are you seriously proposing I tell the hobgoblin about the worst nightmare of my life?"  
"Yes," his captain replied calmly, "I do. He's your friend, Bones. I know he really-"  
"Don't you tell me he likes me, Jim!"  
"-respects you, then. Look, you don't have to go into detail about what happened. Just... tell him the facts, let his Vulcan mind come up with some ideas. He would never tell anyone about it, you know that."  
"I..."  
"Think about it, ok, Bones?"  
Leonard sighed, closing his eyes. "Ok, Jim."  
The Blonde smiled, snuggling closer and closing his eyes too.  
"Jim?"  
"Yeah Bones?"  
"You're a fuckin' menace, you know that?"  
"Love you too, Bones."

 

* * *

 

Leonard had no idea how the hell he'd ended up in front of Jim's communication terminal; waiting to talk to the man that was the very antithesis to his whole existence. _'Damned devil-eared, emotionally stunted smart-ass Vulcan...'_  
He'd done that for a while now; mentally cursing Spock in colorful variety; it made him calmer somehow, though he was still tapping his fingers against Jim's desktop nervously. He'd cursed himself, too - what had possessed him to agree to this?? McCoy sighed; of course he knew the answer to this: Jim had. Turning to his lover that was sitting much calmer beside him, he asked: "You sure he even got time for this, Jim?"  
The Blonde smiled encouragingly. McCoy narrowed his eyes; it was this kind of smile that was the reason Jim got him to agree to almost everything; however hare-brained and suicidal it was. Leonard knew full well this smile might be his undoing one day.  
"He agreed to talk to us today, Bones. Don't worry; he'll be there."  
McCoy folded his arms and gritted his teeth. "That's _exactly_ what I'm worried about..."  
Kirk's smile vanished, to be replaced by a look of concern. Leonard _hated_ that look; he was the one that worried about his young, rash captain; not the other way round - that's how it had been at least; before Jim had known. Leonard Horatio McCoy was not a person to worry about - he was tall, well-muscled (though nowhere near as bulky as Cupcake or the other security crewmen or as ridiculously well-trained  
as Sulu with his karate and fencing-stuff; damned ninja-kid) and had that _don't fuck with me_ -attitude that usually kept everybody minding their own business. But now, Jim had torn down that carefully build facade and seen Leonard's weakness - at least what he himself perceived as weakness. Like many victims of rape, Leonard was so afraid of being weak that he was blind towards his own strength; the simple fact that he'd survived and managed to build a new life for himself and even find love in it.  
"Bones... you don't have to do this-"  
"No, it's alright, kid. I agreed to it and I'll see this through; I'm just not convinced it'll do us any good."  
McCoy seriously doubted that _Enterprise_ 's first officer would be able to understand how difficult it was for him to talk with him at all; let alone about such an emotional topic: Spock was reason where Leonard was feeling; he made his decisions based on facts and rules while the doctor based them on what his heart was telling him - and sometimes even just on a gut feeling. Two sides of a medal. That was why they usually had Jim with them as a mediator - he balanced them both; he was the center of their triangular friendship of mind, heart and soul.  
Leonard almost jumped off his seat when the black screen in front of them flickered to life with some crackling noise. After a few moments, their fellow crewman's face appeared and looked just like the last time that McCoy'd laid eyes on it - passive, stoic and not a hair out of place. The only difference was the Vulcan's clothing; he wore some sort of long, flowing tunic in earthly colors.  
_"Good day, Captain; Doctor,"_ Spock greeted them, not giving away a clue if he had any idea why his commanding officer wanted to talk so soon again. _"I am glad that you are well."_  
"Hey Spock," Jim answered immediately; silently nudging Leonard who simply glared at him. "Bet you're wondering why I'd call you again out of schedule, huh?"  
_"Since I ended our last discussion with my sincere assurance that I would gladly assist you if you need my help, I could imagine that it has to do with it."_  
"Yeah. You're right about that," Kirk nodded slowly, glancing at McCoy who still sat there stubbornly mute. "But this is really a conversation that Bones needs to have with you..." he trailed off, looking at his lover with raised eyebrows. McCoy glared a moment longer, for good measure; then he let his arms sink and leaned forward slightly, sighing.  
_"Mornin', Spock."_  
"Hello, Dr McCoy. In which way can I be of assistance?" The doctor groaned inwardly. Did that Vulcan have to sound like a damn service robot?  
"Jim told me that, uh... that the two of you talked about - about charging someone with rape."  
Spock nodded. _"We talked about what kind of evidence would be needed in a case of sexual assault; correct. Is that what you want to talk about, Doctor?"_  
"..." Leonard looked down at his hands that were clutching the leg of his pants; unsure how to start. The Vulcan contemplated him for a moment, then he asked: _"Did somebody come to see you? Did they ask you to make a record of injury or be witness in a trial?"_  
"...No."  
_"Did you find indication that somebody was violated?"_  
"No!"  
Spock frowned. _"How do you know then that there has been an assault?"_  
Leonard breathed in deeply; feeling Jim slipping his hand into his, squeezing tightly. "Because it was me."  
He could see the confusion on the Vulcan's face. McCoy could have laughed if he'd had any humor left.  
_"...I don't understand-"_  
"I...was raped, Spock. It happened to me." Light hazel-green eyes looked unwaveringly into the dark brown ones of his comrade, willing him to understand. Finally, he could see realization dawn on Spock's face ; morphing into something almost like dismay. Now it was the Vulcan that looked down for a while.  
_"...I see,"_ he said finally, obviously searching for the right words. Leonard did not envy him; it must be hard for the other man to show empathy.  
_"From what the Captain has already told me, I gather it happened eight years ago?"_  
"Yes, it - it happened at university."  
_"And you didn't see a medic afterwards?"_  
"...No." Leonard looked down again.  
_"Why not?"_  
"..."  
_"...Doctor McCoy?"_  
"Spock, when something like that happens to a human - they sometimes feel too ashamed to talk about it." Jim explained when Leonard didn't answer. The Half-Vulcan frowned. _"Why would they-"_  
"It's very complicated," the Blonde interrupted him, worriedly glancing at his lover again. "This is not exactly what we want to discuss."  
_"Then what do you want to ask?"_  
McCoy looked up again. "When I was... When I got home afterwards, I scanned myself. I still got that data," he rushed out. "Would it be any use at all?"  
The black-haired man considered. _"Since a medical tricorder registers the date and time as well as the identity of the scanned individual, I can ascertain a great value in a trial. Just as valuable would be a sample of the attacker's blood or semen; were you able to gather-"_  
"No, I did not take a damn sample," McCoy snarled. "I had other things on my mind after just bein' raped, Spock!"  
_"Well, I'm afraid that was not very foresighted of you, Doctor-"_  
"SPOCK!" Jim intervened again, shaking his head and glaring at his First Officer. "Think about this with your human half."  
The other man paused at this and regarded the two men on the other side of the comm terminal closely; taking in the doctor's defiant, angry gaze and the captain's troubled expression.  
_"...I am truly sorry, Doc- Leonard,"_ he corrected himself. _"I can imagine it must have been a... traumatic experience for you."_  
"It's... alright, Spock," McCoy sighed, suddenly feeling too exhausted to be angry anymore. "It's not ya fault I was too stupid to take samples. I could've... There was... there was seminal liquid in my pants, but I- I threw them away; it's my own damn fault!" He buried his long, tanned fingers in his hair, suddenly feeling very foolish.  
_"...Captain?"_  
Spock's question made Leonard look at Jim. His lover's hands were balled into fists and he was almost shaking with rage; his brilliant blue eyes sparkling fiercely.  
"It's _not_ your fault, Bones and I don't want to hear that from you ever again," he spoke clearly but with a noticeable tremor in his voice. "You were injured and alone! Fuck the samples, we will get that- that _bastard_ for what he did!"  
It was silent for a moment after Jim's words. Leonard stared at his love in amazement. This was no longer his Jim; it was Captain James T. Kirk speaking - the man who'd saved the world and didn't believe in no-win-scenarios. McCoy felt a lump in his throat. With this formidable man fighting at his side, he might even have a chance. Taking Jim's hand in his, he looked back at Spock and asked:"I guess just the scan won't be enough, right?"  
Spock looked as if he truly regretted saying what he had to say: _"No, unfortunately not. Though it might prove that you've been sexually assaulted, it cannot show who your attacker was."_  
The silence that followed weighted heavily on all three men. Finally, Kirk nodded, his face full of determination. "So we need a confession."  
McCoy almost laughed out loud; staring at his love incredulously. "We've been through this before, Jim! No chance in _hell_ Burgh's gonna spill his guts; the guy's an asshole but he's not suicidal!"  
"I know he'd never willingly say anything-"  
_"Are you proposing torture, Captain?"_ Spock interrupted sharply.  
"No, I'm not...though it might be an option if-"  
"JIM!" Leonard exploded. "We're _not_ gonna torture _anyone_!"  
"Not even if it's the guy that raped you?!" the Blonde snapped. "Are you actually worried about him, Bones??"  
"No, Jim," his lover replied, stung. "But I'm worried about you!"  
Kirk held his gaze for long seconds. "You know I'd do it for you, right? I'd do everything for you, Bones."  
Keeping eye contact, Leonard leaned in, resting his head against Jim's. "I know. But I don' want ya to become a monster. Not even for my sake. I could never forgive myself..."  
Kirk sighed. "I knew you'd say that. It's one of the reasons I love you so much. But," he straightened up again, "I was actually thinking of a mind meld."  
Again, it was silent. Spock looked intrigued by the prospect. _"That might indeed be a solution-"_  
"No, it's not!" snapped McCoy, glaring at both men equally. "If I remember right, ya need a person's consent for invadin' their mind!"  
The Vulcan inclined his head slightly. _"You're basically right, Doctor; though in some cases of necessity-"_  
"No, Spock."  
"Fuck; Bones, you do want us to help you, right?" Jim shouted. Leonard looked at his love steadily. "If we'd invade Burgh's mind non-consensually, it'd be little better than what he did to me, Jim."  
Kirk held the honest gaze of those hazel eyes; unwilling to admit it but knowing his lover was right. Without a word, he lifted Bones' hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss onto it. Turning towards the screen, he shrugged.  
"We need to think of something else, then."  
_"I think I have another solution. Though I am quite sure you won't like it, Doctor."_  
Leonard tensed up immediately. "What is it?" he asked warily. Spock's ideas constantly were a source of discomfort for him. The Vulcan hesitated; then he said: _"If we rule out a possible mind meld with the perpetrator, that still leaves the option of a mind meld with the victim."_  
"..."  
McCoy just stared, too stunned for words until he finally found his voice again. "Are you out of your vulcan mind, Spock?" he almost whispered. Jim gently laid his hand on his shoulder. "Bones, please, think about it for a moment-"  
He interrupted himself when McCoy turned towards him, enraged.  
"No, I won't! I'm _not_ gonna give that green-blooded menace a tourist tour through _my fuckin' mind_! That's final, Jim!" Jumping up from his seat, Leonard stormed out of Jim's office.  
The young man groaned and pinched the brig of his nose. "Well, that went smoothly."  
_"I would happen to disagree with that assessment-"_  
"It was ironic, Spock," Jim sighed. "I guess I need to talk to him about that idea. Bones is a very private person; and you just suggested that he'd let you see what he tried to forget for eight years!"  
_"...Under these circumstances it is quite understandable that Dr McCoy feels disinclined to consider the option,"_ the black-haired man nodded. _"I think I should travel to Earth, Captain. If I explain the process of the vulcan mind meld he might reconsider."_  
Kirk stared. "You'd leave New Vulcan? But aren't you needed there?"  
Spock was silent for a few seconds. _"I think that you need me as a friend, Jim. You and Leonard."_

 

* * *

 

 

Leonard remained quite adamant in his decision not to let Spock mind meld with himself, though Jim tried his best to convince him otherwise. Unfortunately, his southern lover was as stubborn as they come and refused to even talk about the suggestion anymore. Jim was a headstrong person himself and knew the doctor would agree eventually if he'd ask him to; but he didn't want Leonard to do it just for him. It was how McCoy had said; a mind meld without complete consent and trust was not only dangerous for the sanity of the involved persons but was also a physical as well as mental violation. Also, Jim remembered very vividly his shock and confusion after the mental connection with the old Ambassador Spock - he'd had nightmares of memories that weren't his own for weeks. So he said nothing and looked on helplessly as his love tossed about in his sleep, haunted by nightmares; only to wake up and be forced to work with the man who was the cause of them.  
It was eating Jim up, too; being unable to do more to help Bones. All he could do was to hold him when the night was a bad one; put his love's comfort before his own need of rest and make sure he ate enough to sustain him through the day. Kirk noticed that their usual roles were swapped - now it was Bones that needed to be looked after and Jim provided comfort and nourishment.  
But it wasn't enough.  
Jim watched Leonard fall apart little by little; seeming more exhausted after every day though the situation in Med Bay was much less dire with all the additional help than it was before. Yet his lover was getting thinner; becoming less _substantial_ even though Jim did his best to feed him up. McCoy'd always been the more muscled one; being more broad-shouldered than his lean captain; but now he seemed almost frail, his usually healthy tan was getting paler, too. Jim was afraid he'd soon have to take Bones off duty, knowing full well his lover would rip him a new one for it. He was tempted to do it just to see some of Bones' old self again, as McCoy had lost much of his spirit as well; no longer arguing with Kirk and bitching about the world in general.  
Jim simply hoped that Spock would be able to change Leonard's mind, though he wasn't too sure it was possible. His friend was due to arrive in two days in one of the transport ships that frequented the route between Earth and New Vulcan, delivering supplies and those Vulcans that were already released from Star Fleet Medical.  
Feeling another headache coming, Jim stood up from the chair at his office desk and stretched. Checking his chronometer, he decided to head over to Med Bay and bully his lover into lunch.

When he entered through the double doors, he immediately searched for the familiar hazel head and gruff voice. Being unsuccessful, he headed over to the Head Nurse he liked very much. "Hello, Chapel. Have you seen my boyfriend?"  
Looking up from her PADD, Christine smiled. "Hello, Sir. He's in the storage rooms, I think."  
Nodding his thanks, Jim intended to walk on when she grabbed his arm. "Excuse me, Captain... I was wondering if you know what is wrong with Dr McCoy. He looks sick, though he'd never admit it." The nurse looked slightly annoyed by her superior officer. Kirk sighed and shook his head. "He's not sick; not really. But I can't tell you what's going on, Christine, I'm sorry."  
Chapel searched his face a moment longer, realizing he knew but wouldn't tell. Huffing angrily, she let go of him. "Well, you two better handle whatever this is soon before Leonard breaks down and becomes one of my patients!" With that, she walked away; leaving her captain to stare after her.

Opening the door to the storage rooms, Jim called out for his lover: "Bones?"  
"O'er here, Jim," came the gruff reply. Stepping around some shelves loaded with medical supplies he could only guess the use for, the Blonde found the man he was looking for crouching on the floor, studying his PADD. Cocking his head, Kirk took in his lover's slightly disheveled appearance: Leonard had obviously been rummaging around for a while, because his medical scrubs had dust stains on them, just like his hands and face. Jim grinned - the doctor even had dust in his hair! Crossing his arms and leaning against the shelf, he watched as McCoy shifted so his back was turned on him. Silently he enjoyed the rear view of his CMO who was angling for something from the far back and thus lifting his ass so his pants were pulled tight over it. Knowing it would backfire instantly but unable to help himself, Jim stepped forward and slapped the raised behind. Yelping, McCoy sat up and succeeded in hitting his head on the shelf board; causing him to curse in colorful variety. Spinning around to face Kirk, he threw a punch at his lover who'd anticipated it and caught it; laughing. "I'm sorry, Bones, that was just too tempting!"  
"Jim, you damn air-headed, overgrown kid," Leonard snapped, trying to push the younger man away who'd wrapped his free arm around his waist, "Why the hell am I even puttin' up with ya?!"  
"Hey, that's not nice!" Jim protested, mock-hurt. Smiling slyly, he pulled his lover even closer; releasing his arm and grabbing his firm ass instead. "You're putting up with me 'cause I can do this..." He licked the doctor's ear. McCoy sighed softly, half exasperated and half appreciating.  
"...And this," the captain continued, nibbling at his jaw, drawing a small moan from his love. "...And this." He lifted the front of Bones' shirt and licked over one prim nipple. The man in his arms gasped quietly, threading his hands through Jim's wheat-colored hair. His lover kissed and licked his way further down, past Leonard's belly button and along the fine line of hazel fur down south. Lifting his head towards Bones' face, Jim smiled gently as he took in his flushed cheeks and half-closed eyes. This was how he loved his friend the most: his face unguarded, the warm hazel eyes open and trusting, the usual frown Leonard directed at almost everything gone from his brow.  
Then Kirk focused his attention back on the matter at hand (though it was more at mouth, really) and Bones barely stifled another moan, grasping his lover's shoulders for support as he was swallowed deep. Jim set a fast pace, not knowing how much time they'd get and soon had Bones rocking his hips uncontrollably, well on his way into oblivion. Jim angled his head slightly, taking his lover even deeper into his talented mouth. Suddenly Bones' knees buckled; his exhausted body being no longer able to support his weight. It was too much; blindly, he fumbled for something to hold onto - but before he could fall, there were his lover's arms, lifting him - _lifting him!_ \- onto a stack of boxes that were stapled against the wall. There, Jim continued his sweet kiss, still crouching between Leonard's legs. Quickening his pace, the blonde hoisted his lover's long legs up in his arms; effectively pinning his hips in place. Bones gasped for air; it was too intense, he'd surely die from this, he _simply couldn't stand_ this delicious torture a moment longer-  
-then Jim flicked his tongue over him, and Leonard was up among the stars.

 

Jim smiled around his lover's spent erection, pleased with himself. He'd wanted to make this good for Bones and, based on the noises he'd made in the last minutes, he'd succeeded. Taking a moment to lick his love clean, he frowned slightly as he thought about how easily he'd lifted him - Bones must have lost more weight than he'd realized. Finally pulling away he wrapped his arms around the other man who was draped over his shoulders, completely exhausted. He heard and felt his friend pant against his neck, trying to catch his breath again. Kirk simply held him close and waited for Bones to come to his senses.  
"...Jim..." McCoy whispered after another minute, lifting himself up to look in wonder at his young lover. "That was-" The southerner had no words to express his feelings; his brain still seemed to lack oxygen. His captain laughed and gave him a quick peck on the lips. "You're welcome."  
As Kirk was standing up, Leonard noticed that his love's needs remained yet to be fulfilled. Swallowing heavily, he made his mind up in the spur of a moment.  
"Jim, I- if you want- you can..." he sighed, and tried again: "You can take me."  
There, he'd said it. And Leonard knew he meant it.  
_'This is Jim. My Jim. He's not gonna hurt me.'_  
He watched slightly apprehensive as his lover took a step towards him again, unsure. "Bones... are you sure you want this?"  
Leonard looked into the clear, bright blue eyes of the man he loved. Jim would not do this without his permission.  
"Yes," he answered, trying for a steady voice. _'It's just fair, after all.'_  
Kirk still seemed undecided but before any of them could say something else, they heard the tell-tale _hiss_ of the automated door. Both men froze for a second; then Jim recovered and quickly pulled Leonard up, hiding him from view. McCoy hurried to cover himself up, not especially fond of being caught in flagrante by one of the nurses - it'd be the gossip for an entire month.  
He needn't have worried over gossiping nurses, though, because it was Dr Burgh that stepped around the corner. When the Professor's gaze fell upon the younger men, he stopped short and smirked.  
"Well, well. I always took you for an unruly kid, Leonard, and everybody knows your boyfriend here only follows rules as he pleases. I didn't think you'd actually need it so bad you'd do it in the storage rooms in Med Bay...while on duty, none the less..."  
"My duty ended forty-five minutes ago-" Leonard snarled, enraged but interrupted himself when his gaze fell onto his love. Jim's hands were balled into fists and shaking so badly McCoy wondered for a second if he was having a seizure.  
"Jim, don't." he warned his lover very quietly, grabbing his arm. "Get out of here!" he shot at his former professor, who chuckled slightly. "Why, because your boy toy is going to beat me up?"  
"I know what you did to him," Kirk whispered, dangerously low. "I know it."  
Burgh raised his eyebrows and looked at Leonard. "So you told him your little story, McCoy? I'd thought you smarter than that." Addressing Kirk again, he shrugged. "I don't know what exactly he's told you-"  
"Don't you DARE to claim he'd made it up!!" Jim roared, taking a step forward though Leonard still held him back. "Don't you DARE try to lie to me!!"  
Burgh involuntarily took a step back - an angry James T. Kirk was intimidating enough; a Kirk that was beside himself with fury was downright frightening. "Now listen here, Kirk. There's no need to feel jealous; everybody knows about your claim on McCoy-"  
In an instant, Jim had shaken off his lover's hand and had Burgh by his collar; shoving him roughly against the wall. When he spoke again, his voice was eerily quiet, almost a whisper but his eyes were blazing. "Leonard is not _my claim_ ; he is nobody's property! You will _never again_ lay a hand on him, or I'll personally remove that hand. And if you even _think_ of stalking him any longer, I'll see to it that Admiral Pike removes you from Star Fleet. And if he does that, I'll find you and make you regret ever looking at my friend the wrong way."  
Burgh was wise enough to keep quiet and look apprehensive. Even if he might think that it was not in Jim's power to have him removed, he looked as if he understood that Kirk's words were no empty threat.  
When Jim made no move to let go of the older man, McCoy walked up to him and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Let's go, Jim."  
It seemed at first as if his captain hadn't heard him, but then he slowly removed his hands and stepped back, letting Leonard guide him out of the room. When his still fuming lover was safely outside, he laid a hand on his cheek and forced him to turn his face towards him.  
"Jim, look at me. I want you to go to our rooms now. I'll be there in a moment, alright, darlin'?"  
The Blonde nodded mutely and walked stiffly out of Med Bay. Releasing his breath, McCoy turned around and marched back into the rooms they'd just exited. Sure enough, Burgh still stood next to the wall, rooted to the spot. Walking over to him, Leonard fixed him coldly. "You're lucky he didn't get you on your own."  
His ex professor hissed angrily. "You better keep your dog on a leash, McCoy! Remember I still know things about you?"  
Leonard crossed his arms, unimpressed. "There's only so much damage you can do. I have some people who owe me a thin' or two myself, ya know? People who I've helped, who would have died without me."  
Burgh regarded him silently for a moment.  
"I see. So you've toughened up, huh, Leonard? No longer the scared little boy who was so afraid of being alone with me a second time that he'd even change classes into Xenobiology... Tell me, did you stop crying into your pillow at night? Or are you crying into your boy toy's shoulder now?" Bringing his face close to Leonard's, he whispered menacingly: "You've never stepped up for yourself, have you, Leonard? Even today, you're hiding behind your captain... You're too afraid to fight your own battles. And that's why you come to people like me and him - you _want_ to be dominated, Leonard; just admit it to yourself!"  
Now it was McCoy that needed every ounce of willpower not to punch that man again. "You evil, twisted bastard! Don't ya dare to compare yourself to Jim! He's much more o' a man than you've ever been and ever will be!"  
"Sweet. But even your superhero won't be able to help you with this. He can't do anything against me; I've got more influential friends than the two of you combined. Whatever he's trying to do, it won't work. It's a no-win-scenario."  
Leonard snorted, and walked towards the door. When it opened, he looked back and shook his head. "There's a thing ya don' know about Jim Kirk yet. He doesn't believe in no-win-scenarios."

 

When McCoy exited Med Bay, Christine Chapel wondered once again what the hell was going on these days: First, Kirk left the storage rooms, looking ready to kill somebody; then her boss left, only nodding towards her without another word, and finally, that Burgh character that she didn't like for some reason she couldn't figure out herself came through the door; also leaving pretty quickly. Figuring there was nothing in the storage rooms that was interesting enough for three men to look at, she decided something big was going on between them. But she'd be damned if she knew what it was.

 

On his way towards Jim's quarters that were unofficially _theirs_ now, Leonard still tried to calm his raging thoughts and steady his hands that were shaking so bad he kept them in the pockets of his pants. He couldn't help but think about what the Professor had said about him; that he was always hiding behind his captain.  
_"You're too afraid to fight your own battles..."_  
He wondered painfully if it was true. Did he really hide behind his commanding officer; happy to just let Jim take control, simply sitting back while his formidable lover did what came so naturally to him?

Entering the keycode to their shared rooms, he found Jim sitting on the couch, head in his hands but looking up when McCoy stepped inside. Quietly, they looked at each other for several moments; both feeling that something had changed.  
Finally, Leonard broke the silence. "I'll do it, Jim. I'll charge Burgh with rape."

^^y^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, Bones! Go get that bastard! :)  
> I hope you all enjoyed reading this. Please comment, if you please, and stay with me for the chapter coming up next: A Beautiful Mind  
> Yours sincerely, Coco


	7. A Beautiful Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There, another chapter fresh from my computer just for you! :)  
> I don't know about your place but here in northern Germany, the weather is sunny and warm today - that I am still sitting inside editing and posting a new chapter shows my undying love for you readers... Especially those who I know by name (or rather, alias), which are  
> -macywinstar: Hmm... You're surely right in general, but are you right about this story?? Keep reading and find out! :)  
> -anon: Haha, yes I would love to write the crew taking revenge! Would be difficult to get away with it, though...  
> -Ringio103: You're welcome. I hope you enjoy this as well.
> 
> Chapter's warnings: explicit reference to rape! If you don't want to read that, just skip the passages in Italics. Swearing Jim. Awesome Spock.

_Mind in its purest play is like some bat_  
_that beats about in caverns all alone,_  
_contriving by a kind of senseless wit_  
_not to conclude against a wall of stone._

_It has no need to falter or explore;_  
_darkly it knows what obstacles are there,_  
_and so may weave and flitter, dip and soar_  
_in perfect courses through the blackest air._

_And has this simile a like perfection?_  
_The mind is like a bat. Precisely. Save_  
_that in the very happiest intellection_  
_a graceful error may correct the cave._

_\- Mind, Richard Wilbur_

 

 

**Chapter 7: A Beautiful Mind**

 

Once again, Leonard wondered how he'd ended up in this very situation.  
It really was becoming a default setting; with him in some place he'd rather not be and having no idea how it had come to this. At this moment, he'd give almost anything _not_ to do what he needed to do - which was giving Spock admittance into his head.  
The half-Vulcan had arrived a day ago with a transport from New Vulcan and, after some obligatory visits to Admiralty, had sought out his Captain and CMO. McCoy would have preferred if Spock had taken his time: after his decision to take his case to court, he'd been so sure of himself. He still was convinced it was the right decision, but the idea of a Vulcan inside his mind - even if it was to gather much needed evidence - was very unsettling.  
_'It's not some strange Vulcan. It's Spock.'_  
Enterprise's first officer was the only person with telepathic abilities that he would willingly allow to share his thoughts with. Leonard was most of the time ad odds with Spock; disliking the dispassionate logic and strict abiding of rules and often arguing about the appropriate course of action. They were both just as thickheaded about it as the other, too; and McCoy knew the Vulcan was sometimes just as exasperated and annoyed with him as he was. The thought of sharing his most painful memory with him was horrifying.  
Yet...he knew Spock would handle this as careful and respectful as possible. He was decent; Leonard knew this with complete certainty. Though Spock was firstly Jim's friend, he'd seen enough of him to realize there was actually a heart with emotions beating inside the man (even if it was not in his chest but rather where the liver would be in a human).  
So Leonard's hands were only marginally shaking as he lay down on the couch in his and Jim's shared quarters, his head resting on Jim's legs with Spock on a stool next to him (Jim'd suggested the bed; and although it'd have been much more comfortable, McCoy had flat-out refused to lie in a bed with Spock).  
The half-Vulcan searched McCoy's gaze and cleared his throat.  
"Doctor, I am fully aware that this doesn't have your approval. Please be assured that I would not do this if I knew another way to prove at court that..," he hesitated briefly, "...that it was indeed a sexual assault-"  
"-'Cause everybody will think that I did it for top grades." Leonard finished bitterly. Spock inclined his head.  
"It pains me to agree to this assessment, but since your grades at university were indeed excellent, I am afraid that some might attribute it to that; rather than your exceptional talent."  
McCoy raised his eyebrows and looked at Jim, who grinned. "I think he just complimented you, Bones."  
"Though Doctor McCoy and myself disagree on certain things, I regard his medical skills very highly." Spock stated flatly.  
"Well, uhm, let's get this over with." The southerner mumbled, uncomfortably touched by the first officer's words. Spock nodded and looked Leonard in the eyes.  
"Please listen attentively, Doctor," he began, "for this is of utmost importance. The art of the vulcan mind meld is...difficult and susceptible to disturbances. You need to relax and grant me access to your thoughts and emotions. It is necessary for you to have a certain amount of trust in me."  
"Yeah, well, I'll do my best, Spock," McCoy replied, shifting restlessly on Jim's lap. "But remember this isn't exactly gonna be a joyride for me!"  
"I am aware of that. Still, I want to make it as comfortable as possible for you and prevent any injury."  
"Injury?" Jim interrupted, concerned. The half-Vulcan inclined his head again.  
"If at some point the Doctor's mind refuses me, or even starts to battle against me, it can result in the Pa'nar Syndrome, which is a degenerative neurological disorder. It is curable," he hurried on when he saw the stricken faces of the other two men, "but it causes paranoia and hallucinations, sometimes uncontrolled anger; I'd prefer to forego that."  
"' _Paranoia and uncontrolled anger'_ ," Leonard repeated, regarding the pointy-eared man before him calmly. "Can't imagine how that'd be."  
Jim smiled but kept looking at Spock intensely. "But I thought a meld can be forced as well?"  
"It can, indeed. But it almost always results in a mental trauma; at least for the subject. That is why I want you to know that I will proceed with care, Doctor," he said, focusing on McCoy again. "I will seek out the memory we need but advance no further. You can help me by thinking about the...incident."  
Leonard simply nodded, mutely. Kirk stroked his hair and placed a kiss on his lover's forehead. "I'll be here the whole time," he whispered, "I'm not gonna leave."  
The Vulcan looked a bit uncomfortable with the display of affection between his fellow officer and his captain but said nothing. Finally, Leonard sighed and nodded towards Spock. "I'm ready."  
"Alright. Please relax now, Doctor." Spock placed his fingers on the key locations on McCoy's face. "My mind to your mind..."

_...His fingers are digging into the cold, unfeeling surface he was lying on..._

"NO!" McCoy shouted, sitting up, breathing heavily. His lover grabbed his shoulder, worry on his face. "Bones, calm down!"  
Spock cleared his throat again, seeming slightly agitated. "Doctor, I...I need you to relax and not fight my presence. I know this is difficult-"  
"Ya don' know _shit_ , Spock!"  
" _Bones!_ "  
The Vulcan contemplated the shaking man in front of him for a moment, then stood up. Disconcerted, Kirk watched him walk around the room. "What are you doing?"  
The black-haired man returned with a candle, set it on the couch table and lit it. Collecting a little stick of something from his pockets, he answered: "This is vulcan incense. It helps to calm the mind and focus the thoughts; I assumed we might need it."  
Igniting the stick, Spock raised his voice: "Computer, play piece nr. 204-V from Lieutenant-Commander Spock's musical data base. Volume to 20 percent."  
At once, a soft melody started, unlike anything the two humans had ever heard. They stared at Spock as if he'd just happily sprouted feelers, surprise evident on their faces. The Vulcan lifted a shoulder in a quite human fashion. "It is a meditation tune, designed to spark pleasant memories and thoughts. I want to try a different approach."  
Sitting back down, Spock lowered his voice again. "Doctor, I want you to remember your fondest memories. Focus on the circumstances, the environment, the sounds - do you see it?"  
"Yes," McCoy breathed after a moment, eyes closed. Returning his fingers to his face, Spock closed his eyes as well and mumbled once again: "My mind to your mind..."

_...He was in a hospital; in a patient's room. Sunlight was streaming through the window, highlighting the polished floor and the metal bars of the biobed. Inside, there was a woman with dark brown hair, much darker than his own. In her arms was an infant, a newborn. The woman smiled down on the tiny baby, crooning softly. Then she lifted her eyes; looking at him. Holding out the baby towards him._  
_"Meet your daughter, Leonard."_  
_Slowly, his arms lifted, taking the child gently. Her eyes were closed, she was sleeping peacefully. She had the softest patch of hazel hair over her forehead. He bent his head, kissing the innocent, beautiful creature. "Joanna..."_

Spock felt Leonard's love towards his daughter; felt her warmth and the softness of her skin. Rousing himself, he concentrated again. This was not what he was looking for - though a small part of him wanted to linger; to stay in that sun-filled room. Moving on, he felt himself drawn to another memory.

_...He wanted to just close his eyes and sink completely into this abyss of heat, sweat and scent. He looked up upon his lover instead, taking in the smooth skin, shining with tiny drops of moisture, almost glowing in the descending twilight. The heaving chest of his captain with that light, almost imperceptible layer of fur, and above that, the tilted head with that fine, long neck, the exposed throat, the parted lips... His chest tightened with joy and gratitude; blessing the gods for this moment with the man he loved..._

He was himself again, and yet not; the ghost of a love so strong and all-consuming it was almost painful still lingered. He had experienced a mind meld with a human before, but never had it been this... intense. Spock/Leonard shook with the passion the memory conveyed; though a large part of them felt uncomfortable by what they'd just seen. This was not for Spock's eyes.  
Carefully distancing himself from the scene of consumed love, he moved on again. He needed to find what he was looking for.  
There was a dark part. Clouded. It was what he sought. Moving closer, he felt an invisible wall before him, hindering him to proceed any further. Spock/Leonard parted his lips, whispering without a voice: "Let us in. Trust us. Trust us."  
Slowly, the fog began to dissolve.

_...The man is sitting at his desk but is standing up when we come in. He is dressed in his usual, tailored suit with expensive looking shoes. He is much older than us. We feel uncomfortable in his presence - he often makes inappropriate compliments. We ask him what he needs us for. He wants us to look at an experiment - we do so and give our opinion of it. We feel him leaning against us while we speak, his hand on our back. It feels wrong; it shouldn't be there. He offers us a drink we know is not healthy - we say as much. We want to go now. He says he is interested in us. We caught his eye. We are handsome - we do not feel that way. He tries to kiss us but we don't let him. **\--Anger--**_  
_He makes a proposal. We deny; we are disgusted that he thinks he can convince us to submit so easily._  
_**\--Pride--** We push him away. We will go now. He locks the office. **\--FEAR--**_

The feeling is so immediate it makes him stumble, although he hasn't got a body to stumble with. It is so strong he feels his own anxiety building. He has to concentrate.

_...The man is unbuttoning his shirt. We can't believe this is really happening. He jumps at us, trapping us. We fight; we scratch and claw but it is no use - we are weak, he is strong. He moves us towards his desk. Stop him! Stop him! We try to kick. We struggle. **\--Desperation--**_  
_He pins us down. He is heavy. We cannot lift him. He is touching us now. He must not touch us like this! He says again that we are beautiful. We wish we were not. He would not touch us if we were ugly. We demand he releases us. He says we will enjoy it. **\--ANGER--**_  
_We struggle. We fight. We bite. We injure him, but we injure ourselves, too. It is not enough to make him stop. We are feeling dizzy, weak. He opens his pants. **\--FEAR--**_

Although he was prepared this time for the emotion, he was still reeling from its intensity. He doesn't want to look on; doesn't want to see what happens next, but he has to, he can't look away.

_...He pushes against us, enters us. We beg him to stop. He wants us to relax. We can't, we are afraid. We are in pain. We are crying. He is no longer slow, he is fast and brutal. **\--AGONY--** unlike anything we have ever felt. It is in our mind. In our heart. In our soul. We scream. It is not enough to dull the agony._

He feels the pain; it's blinding. He wants to run away, wants it to stop. He mustn't run, must be strong. Be calm. He is feeling sick.

_...Our fingers are digging into the cold, unfeeling surface we are lying on. The man moves and moves, pushes and pulls; it is tearing us. We are bleeding. We pray that it will stop. We pray someone will help us. **\--Desperation--**_

He would cry himself, if he could. He wishes he had been there, had been able to prevent this. He feels so much compassion he thinks his mind must implode under the onslaught of emotion. Many are not his own. Some are.

_...He spills himself inside us, tainting us. Shaming us. He kisses us; mocking us. He pulls out. Is surprised how much he injured us. He injured our soul so much more. --Emptiness--_

Spock/Leonard looks on as the memory continues, showing the lift, the night guard, the dorm room. He feels numb himself. He hadn't thought it would be like this - that it would affect him so much. He reads the data on the tricorder - he winces; it is so bad. He sees the memory again - it's repeating itself. He cannot bear to watch it again. He needs to leave. He turns and runs, trying not to listen to the quiet, broken sobs that fade in the darkness. He hasn't come far when another memory assaults him.

_...We carefully look around the entrance hall of university before we step in. He is not here. We are safe. We feel --shame-- at hiding; shame to be forced to lurk in shadows like a criminal. We don't show it on our face, though - we are too used to feeling shamed._

_...He looks at us. This time, we were not careful enough. He smirks; he takes pleasure in knowing how he has scarred us, how he still haunts us. Our hands tremble. He knows he cannot hurt us again; we trained and trained to built up muscle, to grow strong. We are not strong yet. One day, we vow to ourselves, we'll be._

Spock/Leonard clutches his head in his hands. It is too much - too many memories, too fast. One blurs into another; a kaleidoscope of painful recollections. He needs to find his way through them; he's seen what he came here for, it's time to leave, to not cause any more suffering. But before he can gather himself enough to concentrate, another flood of memories buries him like a wave.

_...She is mad at us. She is mad very often. She has every right to be, we believe. We have given her nothing, really - a house, a fine income, yes, but no time as a couple, we are always working. No real trust - we never told her what changed us so. She believes us to be indifferent - to care nothing for her or our child. She is very wrong; we care for both of them a lot but we show our love only to our little daughter. With Jo, we feel safe to love. We feel --regret--, so much regret. It is our fault our marriage is failing, ours alone. We cannot be intimate with her, not really. The few times we tried, it was hurried and dispassionate. She didn't like it. We can't blame her. We blame us._

_...She took our baby girl, the only good thing we have. We care nothing for the house or our work, fuck that. But she said there was something dark in us, something twisted. She has no idea._  
_She doesn't want us around Jo-Jo, says she will limit the contact. She can do it; she got full custody at court because his lawyer was an incompetent idiot. It's breaking our heart when we say goodbye to our baby girl. She is crying so hard. We hold her, promise her we will always be there for her, although we know it's a lie. We --hate-- ourselves so much in this moment._  
_Weeks later, we enter a shuttle to sign into Starfleet Academy. There is nothing left for us on Earth._

_...He says we are hiding behind our Captain. Says we are too afraid to fight our own battles. Says that's why we are with Jim - because we need to be dominated; want to be dominated. We don't believe him! Jim is good for us; Jim feels right where everybody else felt wrong. Still...there is a part of us that WANTS to be taken care of; that wants to surrender control and let Jim take charge. But...if we'd let it happen, would it prove him right?_  
_"Stop,"_ Spocks'/Leonards' voice whispers, _"Stop now. It is enough, let...let go!"_  
Pulling/shoving with all his might, he manages to sever the connection...

...and finds himself on the floor next to the couch, inside his own mind again. Spock breathed hard; it had been difficult to leave the doctor's thoughts; the many memories and emotions still had him reeling. Looking up, he saw his captain who tried to calm a shaking McCoy.  
"Bones, please, calm down," Jim pleaded with his love, "it's alright, it's over! Spock, help me!" he bit out, struggling to hold onto Leonard who seemed to have a panic attack. Calmly, the Vulcan reached over and pinched the nerves on McCoy's neck junction. Immediately, the doctor fell limp, unconscious. Kirk glared at him.  
"Damn, Spock, I wanted you to _calm_ him, not knock him out!!"  
"It was the easiest way to achieve the former, Captain. Besides, the meld was quite troubling for both of us. His mind needs the rest."  
Jim shook his head, sighing. "He will be so pissed when he wakes up..." After a moment of silence and contemplative gazing at his lover, he asked: "So, what happened?"  
"...I had access to some of the Doctor's happiest memories." He didn't elaborate which ones, and Kirk didn't ask. "And I was able to... extract the information we were looking for."  
Kirk nodded grimly. "Anything new?"  
Spock considered. "It might be rewarding to seek out a human male named 'John'. He was a night guard at the Doctor's university and was on duty on the night in question."  
"Right," Kirk nodded again, determined. "I'll find him!"  
A soft moan made both men look down at the unconscious McCoy between them. Gently, Jim placed a hand on his love's brow, smoothing out the creases. For a while they said nothing, the Blonde deep in thought and Spock slightly battling with himself - or rather, having a dispute with himself.  
"Jim," he finally spoke, reluctantly. "There was one memory that I found rather...disconcerting."  
Kirk laughed mirthlessly. "Really, Spock?"  
"You misunderstand me. I mean there was one memory that was very recent that makes me worry about the Doctor's...peace of soul."  
Jim raised his eyebrows. "What was it?"  
"The Professor seems to have told Dr McCoy that he was hiding behind you. He implied that..."  
"He implied _what_?" Jim asked, sharply.  
"-he implied that the Doctor's motivation for his relationship with you was his need to be dominated."  
"...!" Jim was speechless for a second, then he clenched his teeth violently. "That foul, lying _bastard_!"  
Kirk was visibly shaking with rage. He looked up into Spock's dark brown eyes with his own flaming blue ones. "I swear I will make him pay! I will make him pay for what he did to Bones and make him regret ever coming here to hurt him again!"  
Spock nodded slowly, regarding the only two men in the universe he considered his friends.  
"We will, Jim."

 

* * *

 

 

Leonard woke up before sunrise, feeling quite refreshed after a night of dreamless sleep. Looking around, he spotted his lover on his left side, on the bed beside him, fast asleep. He smiled and lifted his hand to lightly trace the line of Jim's strong jaw. Raising himself slightly, he bent and placed his lips on the Blonde's forehead, chuckling as the younger man mumbled something unintelligible and curled into him. They lay like that for another hour; Leonard feeling more relaxed than he had in weeks. But then his bladder insisted that he'd move. Careful as not to disturb his sleeping lover, he disentangled himself and sneaked into the bathroom. After relieving himself and brushing his teeth, he took a quick sonic shower and quietly walked out again. Fishing his favorite shirt and a pair of soft cotton pants from his drawer but unwilling to turn on the light lest he'd disturb Jim, he hurried to the living room naked.  
"Lights to thirty percent," he ordered and made his way over to the replicator in his kitchen. "Coffee, black, one piece of sugar."  
With his drink in hand he walked back to where he'd discarded his clothing on the floor, bending to pick it up.  
"Good morning, Doctor," a voice behind him said quite calmly. Leonard swore he had a minor heart attack.  
"Spock," he spluttered, "what the ruddy hell're you doin' here??"  
The Vulcan sat up from his place on the couch where he'd been lying. "Meditating, Doctor."  
"Medi- Spock, you damned hobgoblin, how long have you been sitting there watchin' me?"  
Spock cocked his head. "Since you came through the door, but please be assured I was not watching you - though I am now and would be very happy if you were so kind as to put on your clothes."  
"I-what?"  
Dumbfounded, Leonard looked down and realized he was still stark naked, clutching his clothing in his hand. Cursing colorfully, he jumped into his pants and shirt. Spock nodded appreciatively.  
"Thank you, Doctor. I must say, you never fail to fascinate me with the... creative variety of swearwords you possess."  
Leonard grumbled to himself, not deigning the comment worth an answer. Gesturing with his mystically not-spilled coffee, he asked the other man: "Want some?"  
"No, thank you. I would prefer a cup of herbal tea, if you don't mind."  
"Sure." McCoy went over to the replicator again and got the beverage in question. Walking over to the couch, he offered the cup to the Vulcan, who took it...and was left standing next to his own couch like he was some kind of intruder, slightly apprehensive to sit down with Spock on it. Awkwardly, he drummed his fingers against his thigh. This was the first time he was alone with Spock since...forever. Usually Jim was with them; making sure they behaved half-civilized.  
Finally, he sat down on the armchair next to the couch.  
For several minutes, the only sound to be heard was the quiet sipping of liquids; but while the Vulcan seemed perfectly content with the silence between them, it was driving Leonard nuts. His mind kept replaying the scenes they had shared in his mind, Spock and him. The first officer had seen much, much more than Leonard had intended for him to see. And then, there'd been that strange sensation of having someone else in his head, sharing his feelings and thoughts but also adding their own. At some moments, he'd not known _whose_ thoughts and feelings it'd been.

"I understand you perfectly, Doctor," said a quiet voice next to him. Startled, McCoy looked up, wondering if the other man had read his mind again, but realizing that he'd started to speak out loud at some point. Spock was staring into his eyes very intently.  
"I am sorry I was not able to leave your mind sooner. The...onslaught of memories made it difficult to gather the necessary focus to sever the connection."  
Leonard shrugged. "It's alright, don't worry abou' it, Spock," he replied, knowing he was probably fooling no one. The black-haired man, unsurprisingly, disregarded the answer; leaning in, Spock continued speak.  
"It is important for us to discuss what happened, Doctor. It can lead to mental instability, in worst cases paranoia or schizophrenia, if we disregard your emotions. You shared your mind with me; even if it was only for a short time, and experienced a form of...invasion, of penetration."  
Leonard blushed slightly, about to object, but realized that Spock had been _there_ , had seen and felt what he'd felt. He remembered it now; the sensation of another's presence in his head, terrifying and fulfilling at the same time. Spock's presence had been kind and unobtrusive, but nonetheless solid and oddly comforting. And suddenly, he understood something.  
"It's an act of love, isn't it?" He met the other man's eyes again, golden hazel to deepest chocolate brown. "For Vulcans. It's some sort of...token of love."  
Spock seemed to hesitate for a second, but nodded finally. "You are quite right, Doctor. The meld is usually shared between lovers; we do not like to enter another person's mind to gain information. It is a-"  
"-bond," McCoy whispered, finally beginning to understand what an incredible act of friendship it'd been from Spock to initiate something so precious and intimate.  
"...Yes," the Vulcan admitted very quietly. "We meld our minds with the person we hold most dear to...bond ourselves permanently to each other. It is, in human words, a marriage."  
Leonard looked down, slightly guilty. "I am sorry you had to do this, Spock. If I'd just been clever enough to-"  
"Please stop, Leonard." The use of his first name made him look up again.  
"While we were one person, I noted your irrational tendency to blame yourself. What I did, I intended to do. I am glad to be able to- to help a friend."  
Both men looked away at the same time, embarrassed; neither really happy to talk about feelings. McCoy's head reeled with all the information, plus he was still feeling a bit displaced from all that happened yesterday. And the truth of the mind meld being a bond of lovers...  
_'It should seriously freak me out that the hobgoblin performed some sort of marriage ritual on us - but even with Spock, it was... calming. Enticing. I wonder how it'd be with Jim.'_  
Suddenly he felt a sharp sense of loss. He’d probably never be able to experience this form of closeness with his lover. Before McCoy could dwell on it any longer, though, the door to the bedroom opened and a very tousled looking Jim entered the living room.  
“Hey, guys,” he greeted them sleepily, scratching the back of his blond head. “Up for some breakfast?”

 

* * *

 

 

Later that day, the trio made their way to Star Fleet’s legal bureau, to seek out an advisor. All of them were wearing their grey formal uniforms with rank insignia. McCoy was visibly nervous; jumping whenever one of the other two said anything to him, but he’d made up his mind: he’d see this through, even if it’d cost him the loyalty of the crew and the respect of his superiors.  
When they entered the wing that housed the legal department, they took a moment to get their bearings – neither of them had been here before. Compared to the other buildings on the grounds, this was unobtrusive, plain; almost boring. The ‘Fleet took great care to impress visitors with their advanced architecture and spectacular views, but this wing was only spectacularly unremarkable. So they wasted no time in crossing the entrance hall, stepping into a lift and proceeding to the third floor, where the offices of the legal advisors were located. A young man at a desk looked up when the lift’s doors slid open, looking them over taxingly.  
“How may I help you, Gentlemen?”  
Smoothly falling into his role as a commanding officer, Kirk stepped forward, about to take on the obstacle. Leonard wondered briefly if Jim knew how naturally it looked to everybody else; the formidable James T. Kirk rising to a challenge, never backing down from anything. The only ones that ever saw behind that act were the very two men beside him.  
“I am James T. Kirk. I am here for a legal consultation.”  
The young man raised an eyebrow at McCoy and Spock. “And your companions are…?”  
“…also members of Star Fleet.” Kirk’s eyes were steel. There was no reason this secretary had to know that Leonard McCoy was seeking out a legal advisor. When it would come down to court, news would spread fast enough.  
The man got the idea that Kirk was no one he wanted to mess with. He’d heard the name before – but surely, this blonde, slender man before him couldn’t be _that_ Kirk..? The guy was hardly older then he himself!  
“Very well. So, what kind of consultation are you here for? Fiscal law? Martial law?”  
“Penal law,” Jim answered simply. The secretary’s eyebrow rose again, but he nodded.  
“Then you want to see Dr Rosenberg, our prosecutor. Second door on the left.”  
“Thank you.” Without any further delay, Jim let them to the appointed door a few steps down the hallway. When he reached the door that said _‘Cora Rosenberg, J.S.D.’_ , he knocked. A female voice called: “Come in!”  
Kirk opened the door and saw a woman in her early thirties at a huge desk that was littered with PADDs. Behind him, Spock and McCoy stepped into the average-sized room and closed the door. The walls of the office were hidden under shelves upon shelves; many of them filled with real paper books. Jim nodded towards one of them.  
“I didn’t know people still read those.”  
The woman – blonde with grey-green eyes – smiled good-naturedly. “Yes, well, I inherited many of them from my granddad and I simply can’t part with them. I just love the feel of actual paper between my fingers.”  
She gestured towards two chairs in front of the desk that were also heavily littered with stuff, hurriedly gathering her things and offering the seats to the three men. She looked apologetically at Spock, who remained standing, arms behind his back.  
“I will collect another one from one of my colleagues-“  
“Please, make no effort, Madam,” the Vulcan refused politely. “I am perfectly content to stand. I prefer it to sitting down, actually.”  
“All right, then,” Dr Rosenberg said, returning to her chair. “What can I do for you?”  
Jim briefly looked over at Leonard before answering. “My name is James T. Kirk. I am captain of the-“  
“-USS _Enterprise_ ,” she nodded, lips quirking up. “I don’t think there’s a woman left on the planet who doesn’t know you, Captain. The same goes for your First Officer, of course.” She flashed her eyes over to the passive Vulcan. Then she looked at Leonard.  
“I am very sorry that you don’t look familiar, Lieutenant Commander.”  
Her apology sounded so sincere that Leonard smiled in spite of himself. “Tha’s alright, Ma’am. I prefer to work behind the scenes. More o’ the important stuff to do than strolling ‘round in the spotlight.”  
Dr Rosenberg laughed when Kirk stared at the other man mock-outraged. “I understand you perfectly well.”  
McCoy grinned and extended his hand. “Leonard McCoy.”  
The woman’s hand stilled in his. “Leonard McCoy, the author of _Comparative Alien Physiology_? The inventor of a new surgical procedure for grafting neural tissue to the cerebral cortex which is now standard?”  
Leonard stared at her, slightly stunned. “You know my publications?”  
“Well… I’ve looked into some of them but didn’t get all of it – way too complex for me – but I’ve got a friend in Medical and she explained some of it.” Letting go of his hand, she grew serious. “Now tell me what I can do for you.”  
Kirk cleared his throat. “We need advice concerning an assault on one of our crew members.”  
“…Alright,” Dr Rosenberg answered after a moment of waiting for him to add more. “Who is that crew member?”  
“It’s me,” McCoy replied before Jim could. Looking at his lover, he waited for his confirming nod that he’d let Bones speak now. Unobtrusively, the captain took his love’s hand under the desk and squeezed it briefly.  
If Dr Rosenberg had noticed the exchange, she didn’t show it, waiting patiently for Leonard to continue. He closed his eyes and just said it.  
“I was sexually assaulted by my professor at university eight years ago.”  
The slight widening of her eyes was the only indication that the admission shocked her. A few seconds passed in silence.  
“I see… Dr McCoy, before I ask you anything more I need your confirmation that you’re here out of your own volition.” Her eyes flickered quickly to the other two men.  
Leonard nodded, smiling weakly. “It’s alright. They’re here because I asked them to be. They…they already know everything.”  
Her tense posture softened. “I didn’t expect anything else. But I hope you understand I had to ask.” Briefly raising her voice, she commanded: “Computer, acoustic insulation!”  
After the affirmative beep, she continued. “So… please tell me about the assault, Doctor. I don’t need a detailed description yet,” she added quickly, “just give me the circumstances.”  
Nodding, Leonard focused on a spot slightly above her right shoulder and started to speak: “I was twenty-two, student of medicine in my second year at the University of Mississippi. He was my professor for microbiology. After an… incident of violation of school rules, I was assigned to be his assistant for a period of three months. It was during that time that it…happened.”  
Dr Rosenberg nodded, silently asking him to continue. McCoy swallowed thickly, uncomfortable with speaking about something like this with a stranger, though this advisor seemed kind enough. But if he was to be interviewed in court, as he was sure to be, he’d better get used to it. But he seriously doubted he ever would.  
“One late evening, I was summoned to his office, and…”  
“…and he assaulted you.” Dr Rosenberg finished quietly. Leonard nodded.  
“Did he rape you?”  
Leonard nodded again. The woman sighed softly. “Please go on.”  
“Afterwards…he accompanied me out of the building and left. I went back to my dorm and took a shower.”  
“Dr McCoy was so foresighted to perform a tricorder scan on himself,” Spock added. McCoy nodded, thankful. The prosecutor leaned forward slightly, brows furrowing. "And you still possess that data?"  
"Yes. But I... I didn't take a probe of the seminal liquid," Leonard added, still mad at himself.  
"I see. So we'd be able to prove you've been assaulted but not that it was that former professor of yours," Dr Rosenberg nodded. Leonard shifted uncomfortably, glancing at Jim, who also looked worried.  
"So... You don't think we've go' a chance?"  
The blonde woman shook her head. "I didn't say that. There might still be a chance. Dr McCoy, did anybody see you immediately before or in the days after the attack? Someone who saw your injuries?"  
"No... I didn't talk to anyone about it." McCoy sighed. A clearing of throat behind him made everybody look at the Vulcan who'd remained mostly silent until now.  
"If I remember correctly, Dr McCoy has indeed been seen by someone - the night guard of the biological facility of his university."  
Dr Rosenberg sat up straighter, eyes gleaming. "Now that's some good news. Who is that man?"  
"His name is John Barrows," Leonard answered slowly. "But... he was quite old already eight years ago, close to retirement... I don' believe he'd even remember me, let alone how I looked that night!"  
"You don't know that, Bones!" Jim interrupted, excited. "Maybe he does!"  
"Even if he'd remember seein' me, there's no way he could confirm that I was injured, Jim! We only passed him on our way out."  
Kirk opened his mouth to object, but the woman held up her hand. "Gentlemen, please. Let's first find Mr Barrows, than talk about what he saw - but I must remind you, Doctor, that even if he cannot prove you've been assaulted, he can at least confirm that you've been with your professor on the night in question."  
Kirk and McCoy both stared at her, dumbfounded. Spock nodded affirmatively. "I take it then, Doctor, that you'll take on Doctor McCoy's case?" he asked.  
Dr Rosenberg studied the three men in front of her for a long moment. Finally, she asked: "Dr McCoy, you realize this is going to be dirty? Cases of rape are never pretty, and in your own field you're very well known."  
"I know," Leonard responded quietly. "I will see this through."  
The blonde woman nodded. "Then I will take on your case. Before our next meeting, I need you to send me the data from your tricorder scan. I will try to find this Mr Barrows. Please make an appointment with my assistant."  
She rose and offered her hand towards each man in turn. When she took Leonards hand, she held it for a moment longer, looking him in the eyes.  
"I cannot promise you that we'll win in court, Dr McCoy - but I'll do my damn best to make that asshole stand up for what he did."

^^y^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now Bones has a new fighter who will help him win his case, yay! :) With a clever prosecutor, a brave boyfriend and a stoic Vulcan, what could go wrong? ...Well. Keep reading and see for yourself. I haven't so much as scetched the new chapter yet, so I don't know what the title will be. So I'll just ask you to review and stay with me for chapter 8!!
> 
> Love, Coco


	8. Backlash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,  
> this chapter is some kind of "filler" or intermezzo before the real action begins. There are no real chapter's warnings, besides a lot of cursing. And some angst. Serious Alexander Marcus-bashing (sorry, fans).  
> Hope you enjoy it.   
> My eternal thanks and reverence go to my beautiful, awesome reviewers, which are  
> -macywinstar: I guess it will always be difficult; because it is a matter of shame for many victims (which it shouldn't be). Also, in many cases the rapist comes from the family or friends, which makes it even more difficult. And rape still doesn't always get as much attention as i.e. assault. I don't know about your place but here in Germany, rapists (when they're not reoffenders) can get away with 5-6 years in prison or less.  
> -Ringo103: Here you are! Enjoy!! :D  
> -redford: Hmm... we'll see. You've got a point there. I hope you'll like this one - things are about to get really nasty.
> 
> Personal note: The quote at the beginning is from the Memorial to the German Resistance. It speaks of the persons who tried to kill Hitler to end the war and were shot as traitors. I debated long if I should use it for this story, but in the end I decided it stands for every person that decides not to lie down and submit, but rather to stand and fight and no longer be a victim. I do not intend to slighten the persons who lost their lives in any way; they're heroes.

_Ihr trugt_   
_die Schande nicht_   
_Ihr wehrtet euch [...]_   
_für Freiheit_   
_Recht und Ehre_

_You did not_   
_bear the shame_   
_You resisted [...]_   
_for freedom_   
_justice and honor_

_\- Memorial to the German Resistance, Berlin (excerpt). Freely translated from German_

**Chapter 8: Backlash**

Christopher Pike sighed.  
Being summoned by the Fleet Admiral was rarely a good thing, even if said admiral would not be an egocentric, power-obsessed man. Unfortunately, both adjectives applied to Alexander Marcus, the head of Star Fleet; and that was when one met him on a good day.  
Pike knew he shouldn't think about his superior officer in this irreverent manner, but he couldn't help it - he simply didn't like Marcus and didn't consider him a good Fleet Admiral.  
Sure, he was a competent captain with a crew loyal to boot, all of them hand-picked...The man knew how to ensure somebody's respect and how to get exactly what he wanted. That alone didn't make him a bad admiral - you were bound to possess a certain amount of competitiveness and ambition to reach even the rank of a captain; as admiral, those attributes had to be accordingly more pronounced.  
No, it was the man himself that disqualified him in Pike's eyes: Marcus was ruthless, petty when challenged and absolutely power-hungry.

So, all things considered, Chris was not exactly looking forward to dealing with Alexander Marcus today.  
But as a simple minor-ranking admiral, he had to come running when he was called.  
Without further delay, he entered Marcus' vast office, letting his gaze wander briefly over the assortment of spaceships the Fleet Admiral collected; starting with the very first rockets from the 20th century and ending with the _Enterprise_ , which was to this day the most advanced ship of the 'Fleet. Pike sighed softly, again - sometimes he really missed his old command. Life was definitively easier for a captain than for an admiral.  
He was pulled out of his musings when the man behind the enormous desk beckoned him over impatiently.  
"Don't stand there rooted to the spot, Pike, come over!" Marcus barked in his coarse, commanding voice. Chris slowly walked over to him, mindful of his walking stick on the slippery, highly-polished floor. "How can I help you, Fleet Admiral?"  
For several moments, Marcus simply glared at him. "Did you know?" he finally asked.  
"Know what, Sir?"  
"About this damned business concerning Dr McCoy of the _Enterprise_ ," the older man specified grimly, raising a hand which held a PADD with some official-looking document on it. "I know you see him regularly for your medical check-ups!" His frown deepened when Pike shook his head.  
"No Sir."  
"Well, let me tell you then that McCoy is filing a lawsuit against Dr Jonathan Burgh."  
Chris stared. "Why would he do that?"  
"See for yourself," the Fleet Admiral mumbled, shoving the PADD into the younger man's hands. Quickly highlighting the screen, Pike started to read; breathing in sharply when his eyes fell on the alleged charges. "He is accusing Burgh of _sexual assault_??"  
Marcus snorted. "Yes. And he got Dr Rosenberg for prosecution - damned noisy, overeager woman! Bet she was only too happy to find a reason to piss on our legs."  
Pike didn't get much of Marcus' ramblings, he was still far too shocked to hear him. "Sir...I don't think Dr McCoy would bring something to court that didn't happen-"  
"Now listen here, Chris," the Fleet Admiral interrupted, rising from his seat and leaning onto his desk, staring intently at the other man. "I have no idea what did or did not happen, but I don't want a scandal on our hands! An accusation like this makes all of Star Fleet look very bad. This won't happen just because the flagships' CMO couldn't handle a bit of flirting!"  
"It couldn't be that you want to protect your friend, Sir?" Chris asked quietly. "I know you and Dr Burgh went to college together..."  
The older man's grayish-blue eyes narrowed dangerously. "Are you suggesting something here, Pike?"  
"Of course not, Sir."  
"Good. Because I already gave you my reasons - and yes, Burgh is my friend and I'll be damned to stand by and watch while some medic that's known for his occasional fits of paranoia drags him into something this disgusting!"  
Pike opened his mouth to object, but thought better of it - Marcus was in a fit of rage, it was no use to try to talk to him now. Besides, the Fleet Admiral had a point - if this case came to court, it would be huge; Star Fleet, already viewed very critically since the disaster with over a dozen lost ships, would have a full-blown scandal on its hands.  
"What do you want me to do, Sir?"  
"I want you to use your connections, Chris. I want you to talk some sense into McCoy."  
The younger man shook his head slowly. "I don't think I can convince him to drop charges, Sir..."  
"I want you to try! Use your protégé; Kirk. I happen to know they are having an affair - which really makes me doubt the validity of McCoy's accusations, by the way - so let Kirk get his lover back in line!"  
Chris really had to hold himself back this time. "You want me to pull rank on Kirk so he pulls rank on his CMO? Are we no longer investigating when we hear about a crime?"  
Marcus practically growled. "Careful, Chris. I'm giving you a lot of leeway with your opinions but even my patience for backtalk isn't endless! I want you to convince them that filing a lawsuit is in nobody's interest - if McCoy remains stubborn, we will look into this discreetly, extrajudicial - maybe all that man wants is a bit of attention or money!"  
_' If I know McCoy at all, this is not the reason behind this,'_ Chris thought to himself. He hurriedly excused himself; switching on his comm even as he left the office.  
"Get me Dr Leonard McCoy, now!"

 

* * *

 

 

The days had passed in a blur of activity for Leonard: he'd met frequently with Dr Rosenberg, sometimes with Jim or Spock. But his lover, as a captain, had a duty towards the other members of his crew and could not spend his whole time with him, no matter how much he wanted never to leave his Bones' side. As first officer, Spock had similar problems, especially since his father, the Vulcan ambassador, had announced his arrival on Earth.  
When she did not meet with her client, Cora Rosenberg tried to find Mr John Barrows, former night guard at the University of Mississippi, now retired - a venture that was not as easy as it seemed since Mr Barrows was unmarried, childless, and had apparently sold his last residence to take up travelling in a campervan and nobody knew where he might be found. Also, she had formally pressed charges against Dr Jonathan Burgh, M.D., which meant that now Star Fleet Headquarters was made aware of the situation. Thus, McCoy had spend the last days in nervousness; awaiting the summon of the admiralty.

Before he was summoned by the board of admirals, though, he received, once again, a call from Pike's personal assistant. When he got to the antechamber, the ash-blonde woman from the last time was sitting at the desk, looking just as haughty and arrogant with maybe a little smugness this time.  
"You can go straight in, Doctor."  
Ok, so there was _definitively_ some smugness here.  
Slightly apprehensive and with no idea what to expect, he knocked and entered the office of his superior officer.  
Christopher Pike was sitting at his desk, as usual, looking up sharply when McCoy entered, and waved him closer. Leonard's apprehension grew - Pike remaining seated meant he was talking to the Admiral, not the friend he'd become after the _Narada_.  
"Good day, Dr McCoy," he started. "I am glad you were able to put me into your schedule, tight as it undoubtedly is."  
Leonard's bad feeling grew further. "Sir?"  
"With your duties as a CMO and with the shortage of medics, I am surprised you still have had the time for a lawsuit."  
"I..." McCoy was at a loss for words. He'd expected to be treated as an attention-seeking, nest-befouling nuisance, but not by Pike. His confusion was quickly turning into anger.  
"I think that some crimes should be punished - Sir," he added, almost missing the respectful title. And then, out of spite: "Don't _you_?"  
This made the admiral stand up, lifting a PADD with what Leonard identified as the bill of indictment.  
"What _exactly_ do you mean, Doctor? It says here that you accuse Dr Burgh of... _sexual assault_? Does that mean-"  
"-it means rape, yes," the younger man snapped, totally forgetting about correct salutatory addresses. "It means the bastard used his position not only to assault me but also to blackmail me into keeping it quiet!"  
All of a sudden, the admiral deflated before his eyes and sat down again, heavily. "Gods..."  
Leonard waited, unsure what to say and still pissed off by the other man's behavior. After a long moment, Pike looked up again, and this time, his eyes were soft.  
"According to the bill of indictment, it happened in university?"  
"Yes, Sir," Leonard answered stiffly.  
"I'm sorry, Dr McCoy."  
Leonard simply nodded; refusing to say something like _It's alright_ or _Don't worry about it_.  
"If I'd known, I'd have never asked you to work with that man." Pike stood up again, slowly, seeming suddenly aged beyond his years. He leaned heavily on his cane, looking McCoy in the eye.  
"This is going to be awful, Doctor, you realize that? That Burgh is a close friend of Admiral Marcus."  
Leonard almost lost his calm; that was bad news indeed. The shock must have shown on his face, for Pike nodded sympathetically and came closer.  
"I don't say this to discourage you; though the Fleet Admiral wants me to. He thinks you're after attention, or money-"  
This time, Leonard did lose it.  
"Marcus can take his goddamn money and shove it up his-"  
" _Doctor!_ " Pike interrupted him very sternly. "I seriously ask you to refrain from emotional outbursts like this in court. Burgh will definitively use your well-known temper against you. It would be smart not to give him any more ammunition."  
"...Sorry, Admiral," the younger man replied, seething quietly. Leonard startled when he suddenly felt Pike's hand on his shoulder.  
"I know you're neither after attention nor money, McCoy. As you know, Jim Kirk is like a son to me; and since you're a couple now, that somehow makes you my... son-in-law."  
The doctor blushed furiously, but before he'd come up with an answer to that, the other man was already continuing: "And even when you weren't together, I regard you as a friend that saved my life. And though I cannot openly go against my superior officer's orders, I will try to support you two as best as I can."  
"Thank you, Admiral," Leonard answered, awkwardly touched. The Admiral nodded and turned back towards his desk.  
McCoy took it as his clue that he was dismissed and hurried over to the office door. Before he could leave, he heard the older man address him again.  
"Doctor... I would've reacted better if I'd heard about this mess from you; rather than from the Fleet Admiral and that notice from the prosecutor. The same goes for your and Kirk's relationship, by the way."  
"I...understand," Leonard said softly, suddenly feeling slightly ashamed. Neither he nor his lover had thought of saying anything to Pike.

He quickly left the office to tell Jim about the new developments.

 

* * *

 

 

He found his love brooding over something that looked to McCoy's untrained eye like construction plans. Kirk had his face in his hands and was obviously deep in thought for he didn't notice Leonard entering their quarters. He even jumped slightly when the older man placed a hand on his shoulder.  
"GodS, Bones! Don't do that!"  
McCoy raised an eyebrow in his typical, cynical manner. "Touch you?"  
His lover scowled. "No, sneak up on me like that!"  
Leonard's brow rose even further. "Now what crawled up your ass an' died? You weren't in a foul mood when I left ya."  
His blonde friend's eyes softened apologetically. "Sorry, Bones. But this blueprints here...they're giving me headache."  
McCoy sat down beside him on the couch and looked at the PADD. "Some plans for your girl?"  
"Yes," Kirk confirmed, sighing and leaning back on the couch, away from the offending device. "They're just - _wrong_!"  
"Why?"  
"'Cause they're messing up her lines, Bones; look at this," he pointed at a section that looked to his lover like somewhere between the warp core and the shuttle bay. "It's all wrong! Too broad, it's making her look...chubby!"  
Leonard knew from the tone of righteous indignation in Jim's voice that he was expected to agree. So he nodded like he had the slightest idea what his captain was referring to and asked: "So what does Scotty say to that?"  
"He's just as angry as me; maybe even more because he's cursed the whole time we were talking to the architect - he muttered something in Gaelic that sounded like he's threatening to kill all the man's sheep."  
Leonard whistled quietly. "It's bad, then. Last time I heard him threatening someone's livestock, one of the redshirts had put his coffee onto one of the plasma coils. Poor guy was so shaken I had to give 'im a sedative..."  
"Yeah, well, he loves his girl, alright? We don't want anyone to spoil her lines or mess with her."  
McCoy pecked him on the head and patted his shoulder. "You're wonderful parents."

Like he'd hoped, that got his lover to smile and chuckle at himself. "I do sound like an overbearing father, right?"  
"I can handle it if you love another girl... as long as it's the _Enterprise_." Leonard smirked. Jim laughed and turned into his hazel-haired love's embrace, stealing a long kiss from him. Slightly caught by surprise, Bones opened his mouth enough for Jim to quickly enter with his tongue, roaming the soft, warm cavern and gliding along his teeth; making his love moan quietly. The doctor grabbed him by the hips, pulling him in; towards his body, onto him. Jim happily went along with the movement, using the momentum to push his lover even further backwards, until Bones was lying flat on the couch. His blonde lover let his hands slide under the hem of the white, less formal uniform Bones had worn to see Pike that marked him as a Star Fleet doctor, pulling and pushing until he'd managed to free his love's flat stomach.  
Bending, Jim placed his lips on the taunt muscles there, more pronounced now that the bit of fat that'd been there was lost; letting them glide around, drawing more moans and gasps from the other man whenever he found a sensitive area. Jim grinned through his kisses - one of the first things he'd discovered was that Bones was very ticklish.  
Quickly making up his mind, he used his fingers to torment his lover further, running his fingertips over spots he knew were sure to drive him mad.  
"Hnn...Jim," Bones panted, sure enough. "Stop the teasin', dammit!"  
The older man squirmed in his hands, trying to shove him away. Jim used his bodyweight to his advantage, pinning Bones to the couch and continuing his merciless tickling. "Sorry, Bones, I didn't catch that...Did you say something?"  
Bones practically growled, trying to look stern while the corners of his mouth quirked upwards. "You goddamn, blonde menace-"  
"Oh, Bones," Jim interrupted, looking mock-hurt, "are you insulting me 'cause I'm blonde?"  
Finally, McCoy managed to push the annoying hands away. "Maybe I am! Blondes always mean trouble."  
"No they don't."  
"Yeah they do!"  
"...You're just jealous because your hair is such an ugly, dirty mud-brown!"  
"..." Leonard waited, simply staring at Jim. After a few seconds, his young lover sighed and hung his head in shame. The doctor smirked slightly, recognizing victory.  
"You don't mean that."  
"No I don't. I don't know why I said that, I love your hair," Jim exclaimed, throwing his hands up and grabbing a fistful of the unruly, hazel strands. "It's awesome! It matches your eyes!"  
Bones almost laughed at that. "Right. Well, that awesome hair needs a shower, just like the rest o' me. You with me?"  
"Hell, yeah!" Kirk jumped up, nearly toppling them both in his haste to shrug off his clothing and pulling his lover up at the same time.  
"Come on, old man! Last one in the shower has to give the other a backrub!"

Laughing openly this time, Bones let the younger man bounce ahead, undressing with more dignity before he stepped into the shower with him.

"So that means I owe you a backrub now?" he whispered huskily, stepping close behind Jim, who shuddered with pleasure. Slowly, Leonard let his hands wander over his lighter skin, stopping here and there to trace a scar; remembering where it'd come from. Minor injuries; nothing he hadn't been able to fix - but evidence of his lover's braveness and sometimes kamikaze-like courage.  
_'Will I be able to keep up with him?'_  
The thought came all of a sudden, unbidden, and had him wondering: his captain was all sheer energy and ambition; and while he himself was by no means lazy, almost always working extra hours at Med Bay, he feared that there might be a time when Jim was too fast for him. Or his enemies.  
McCoy shivered under the hot water.

"Kirk to McCoy, do you copy?" A slightly annoyed voice interrupted his brooding. Jim had turned around and looked at him accusingly.  
"You were supposed to give me a backrub, and instead, you space out on me - while I am standing before you all naked 'n wet, for crying out loud!"  
"Sorry, Jim," Leonard half-smiled, leaning in to kiss his lover. "I'll make it up to you..."  
That said, he kneeled at the other man's feet, taking care not to slip on the wet surface of the shower stall. Raising his hands, he gently cradled Jim's calves; working his way up the firm muscles of his legs, his hips, taking his balls in one calloused hand and carefully kneading.  
Looking up at his love, he smiled in earnest. "You are beautiful."

Jim swallowed thickly, staring down at Leonard, unable to look away from that perfect sight at his feet.  
"You...you are beautiful too, Bones..."  
The words sounded silly to his own ears but right now, for the life of him, Jim was unable to come up with a smarter reply. Too intense was the look in Bones' eyes, too fucking _hot_. The blonde thought he could very well have come right then just from that look of passion and raw lust.  
Instead, he touched his love's face, tracing the small wrinkles at the corner of his eyes, threading his fingers through that thick, hazel hair he loved so much, gently massaging his scalp. He was rewarded with a deep, rumbling purr.  
Bones held his gaze for a moment longer, then lowered his eyes to his goal and finally closed in the few remaining centimeters, taking his young captain's dick into his mouth.  
Jim threw back his head into the gush of the water that was pouring down on both of them, opening his mouth in a gasp, causing some drops to fall inside.  
"Bo-Bones," he coughed his lover's nickname, biting his lip to refrain from crying out at the incredible sensation of moist warmth around his center. The other man was moving back and forth in a steady rhythm, sucking and stroking with his tongue. Jim looked back down and almost regretted it; the view almost pushing him over the edge.  
"Bones, I'm...I'm close," he panted.  
Immediately, his lover drew back. "No, not yet."  
Standing, Leonard cradled his face in his hands and placed a long, loving kiss on his lips. Then he took Jim's hand, kissing the fingers, each in turn; finally stopping at the index finger and taking the digit into his mouth, sucking hard.  
For the third time, Kirk thought he'd come from the sight alone.  
After a moment, his lover stopped and pulled it out, making a point of swirling his tongue over the sensitive tip. But instead of letting go, Leonard guided Jim's hand downwards, toward his ass. When it became clear to Jim what he intended, the younger man stopped their hands.  
"Bones, what-"  
"Jim," Leonard interrupted him gently, "I want this. I-I _need_ to do this, ya understand? I need to be free of..." he trailed off, leaving the unsaid words _'of him'_ hanging in the air.  
"...of the idea of you hurtin' me."  
Once more, he drew his captain's hand towards him; placing his index finger against his entrance.  
Jim moaned softly, resting his forehead against Leonard's, his hands trembling; fingers involuntarily sliding inside a little bit. Both men shuddered, both equally from lust and anxiety.  
Tentatively, Leonard pushed back against the digit, letting it slide further in. At this, Jim moaned again; the sound almost like a choked sob. Suddenly stepping closer, he wrapped his free hand around his gorgeous lover, pressing them close, working his fingers in earnest now; gently sliding in and out. He felt Bones tremble against him, moaning quietly. His hands were clutching at Jim's shoulders, nails digging into the flesh. His eyes were closed tight, and his erection-  
_'-wait, what?'_  
The blonde noticed his lover's erection had diminished somewhat. Though he was still aroused, Bones was no longer as hard as he'd been just moments ago. When he looked closer, he also noticed the tight set of his shoulders. Kirk sighed.  
_'James T. Kirk, you absolute imbecile...'_  
Using all of his willpower, he forced himself to step back, letting his hands fall at his sides, though his lover still maintained that death-grip of his shoulders.  
"Bones..."  
"Jim, why're ya-"  
_"Bones,"_ the younger man repeated, more urgent, "I want this. I want you, but..." he gestured at their surroundings in general. "...this is all wrong. It-it should be comfortable, and cozy, and... I don't know, _loving_! This, here in the shower, wet and in a few minutes _cold_ , is nothing of the sort!"  
"Jim," the other man replied, then hesitated. "I... I just want... I don't want to live in fear anymore."  
Gold and hazel eyes looked into bright blue ones, and Jim thought he felt his heart break in a thousand pieces just like that night when Bones had told him about the rape. Torn by compassion, he wrapped him in his arms again, burying his face in his lover's neck.  
"Oh Bones... I know. But- I'm not gonna do it like this. Not your first time."  
Leonard barked out a bitter laugh. "This would not be my first time, Jim, as you well know."  
"Let me finish," Jim whispered against him, very quietly. "I meant your first time with someone who loves you. How it's supposed to be."  
"Jim..." Bones' voice faltered slightly. "Jim, I..."

But he really couldn't think of anything to say to that, so he just returned his love's embrace with all his strength.

 

* * *

 

 

After a night of cuddling and slow kissing, Leonard and Jim met again with Dr Rosenberg after a hurried breakfast. The prosecutor had called them to ask for a meeting to discuss some new developments in McCoy's case.  
When the two men entered, the blonde woman rose and walked over to them, extending her hand in greeting.  
"Dr McCoy, Captain - it's good to see you again. Please, take a seat."  
"Thank you." Jim answered for them both. When everyone had settled down, Dr Rosenberg cleared her throat and began: "I asked you to come here because I want to inform you that I was able to find Mr John Barrows, former night guard at the University of Mississippi."  
"That's-that's great," Jim exclaimed, looking from her to Leonard. "...Isn't it?"  
She nodded. "Yes, it is indeed. He agreed to act as a witness for the persecution. His testimony will be very important to your case, Doctor, as it proves that you've been with Dr Burgh in the hours before you performed the scan on yourself."  
"Maybe... he will even be able to say that Burgh was acting strange, Bones," Jim suggested, making his lover shrug. "I don't know, Jim, that man is an excellent actor. I'm not sure John will have noticed anything abnormal."  
"Well, at least it will give us the exact time you left the faculty, which is important as the tricorder also noted the time you scanned yourself." Leaning forward slightly, Cora Rosenberg smiled encouragingly at her client. "Allow yourself some confidence, Dr McCoy, this is good news."  
Leonard sighed. "It's just... not easy to feel confident when I've spent eight years trying to convince myself it was hopeless."  
"Bones," Jim reasoned, "this is different! You've got a lot of help this time; you're not alone in this!"  
"That is true," the woman confirmed. "We'll see this through."  
Falling silent for a moment, she gathered herself for something else. "However...I need to tell you that Fleet Admiral Marcus launched an official complaint against you at the Board of Admirals."  
Laughing bitterly, McCoy nodded. "Of course he did."  
"What does that mean?" his lover asked apprehensively.  
"At this stage, not much, as Dr Burgh will definitively be asked to defend himself at court. But it means that if we lose, Star Fleet will probably...discharge you dishonorably."

It was silent for long seconds. Kirk was clenching his fists so hard he almost drew blood. Finally, he looked up. "Then I will go with him."  
"NO!" Leonard shouted, rising from his seat. Rounding on his lover, he grabbed his shoulders tightly. "This is bullshit, Jim! What good would it do for ya to lose your job as well?"  
Kirk jumped up as well, eyes blazing. "This isn't about a damn job, Bones! This is about you! I will not continue to work for an organization that doesn't care about its members! That-that will let someone like Burgh, this piece of _shit_ , walk out happily and discharge the victim!"  
"Jim," Leonard almost pleaded, eyes wide. "You'd lose the _Enterprise_!"  
"A pile of steel," Jim whispered, turning his head away from him, "a speck of white floating in space..."  
McCoy almost smiled. "You're lying. That's not how ya feel at all. You love her, Jim."  
"I love you more." There was nothing but sincerity in his eyes when his blue eyes met his lover's hazel ones again. "I would give her up, for you."

Dr Rosenberg had tried very hard to pretend not to hear the exchange. Now, she cleared her throat again, startling the two men who'd all but forgotten they were still in the prosecutor's office.  
"Gentlemen, there's one more thing I'd recommend: now that there's an official complaint on the way, it will be much harder to keep the case quiet. Of course, I'll do everything in my power to keep it out of public, but I'm afraid it will be almost impossible for members of Star Fleet not to hear about it. So, if you've got friends or crewmen who shouldn't hear about this from other sources, you should tell them soon."

 

* * *

 

 

A few hours later, the two men headed to their favorite bar just outside of campus. They'd decided to follow Dr Rosenberg's advice and tell their friends about Leonard's case before they'd heard it through academy gossip. So they'd called around and asked everyone to meet at seven tonight at their usual table in the back, where you couldn't be overheard easily.  
Slowly, they all came together; at least those that were currently on planet: Spock arrived precisely on time, nodding towards them in greeting before ordering a glass of water and sitting down next to Jim. He, of course, already knew what this was all about but didn't say anything. Next in was Scotty, closely followed by Pavel Chekov, and finally, Christine Chapel. Now they were temporarily complete; Uhura was still visiting her folks and Sulu was with his husband and daughter lightyears away on the _Yorktown_.

When they were all seated and had ordered whatever beverage they wanted, Jim spoke up:  
"I'm really glad you could make it, guys. Bones and I have something important to tell you all-"  
"-We already know ye an' the Doctor are a couple, Jimbo," the chief engineer interrupted merrily, clapping Leonard on the back, who was sitting next to him. "Yer not really bin keepin' that a secret, lads."  
"Yeah, well, it's not that-"  
"Maybe ze Keptin and ze Doctor are getting married?" Chekov asked, eyes shining hopefully. Chapel immediately rounded on McCoy.  
"You're getting married?? Seriously?"  
Leonard opened his mouth to reply but before he could make a sound Jim cut in, frowning at Christine.  
"What does that incredulous tone mean? We could very well be getting married!"  
"So you're not," the head nurse nodded. "Thought so."  
"Wait, what the hell does that mean?"  
"It means that you're not really known for stable, long-term relationships, Captain. I don't want Leonard to be hurt."  
"I-what the-I'm not _that_ bad!"  
Christine crossed her arms, not backing down. "Half my female staff still pines after you - and some of the male nurses are, too!"  
"Well...it's totally different this time, it's Bones!"  
"Exactly, and if you ever-"  
"SHUT THE HELL UP!" McCoy's eyebrow twitched dangerously. Immediately, silence fell. Satisfied that they were listening, Leonard sighed and continued, a lot quieter: "This isn't about getting married or Jim's former shallowness-"  
"Bones!"  
"-but about the fact that I am going to court."  
It was silent while everybody processed that. Then, Chapel spoke up. "Why?"  
Leonard saw every face turned towards him, expecting an answer, and swallowed nervously. As Jim'd said; these were their friends. Surely they wouldn't judge him.  
"I was raped by my professor at University eight years ago." He'd never thought it might be getting easier saying these words, but with Jim and Spock by his side (the former one holding his hand tightly under the table), it was ok.

The reactions were instantaneous: Christine raised her hands to her mouth, making a choked sound. Scotty hung his head, cursing viciously in Gaelic. Pavel just stared at Leonard, eyes wider than McCoy'd ever seen them. The doctor leaned forward, resting his elbows on the tabletop, drawing a deep, calming breath.  
Scotty was the first to recover. "Dammit, Doc," was all he said.  
Chapel slowly lowered her hands, confusion mixing with the pity on her face. "But...why are you suing him now? Why did you not do it sooner?"  
"Because," her boss answered quietly, "I'd almost managed to get over it - to..to bury the memory that it ever happened, but now..." he trailed off, not knowing how to continue.  
Jim took it over. "Now the bastard's shown up again."  
He shot Christine a meaningful look. At first, she just stared, even more confused, until something fell into place and she gasped.  
"Burgh!"  
"Yes."  
"Oh, Leonard," she whispered, shaking faintly. McCoy shifted uncomfortably, but before he could think of something to calm her, Spock spoke up: "The Captain and Dr McCoy visited the prosecution office of Star Fleet," he explained in his typical, reduced manner. "...And are charging Jonathan Burgh with sexual assault and blackmail."  
"Blackmail?" Scotty asked, looking up sharply.  
"Yes; he...he threatened that he'd ruin me if I told anyone," Leonard confessed. Clearing his throat, he looked at each of them in turn.  
"I want ya to know that I'm sorry that I have to tell ya this; drag ya into this mess. But I didn't want you to hear it from some busybody that knows only half the story; saying that I was craving attention."  
"Don't be sorry, Leonard," Christine placed her hand on his arm. "It's very brave of you to tell us."  
"She's right, lad," the Scot confirmed. "Yeh've got to get yer revenge! We're right behind ya!"  
"Yes, Doctor! It will all be good," Chekov chirmed in, nodding vigorously.  
"It better be," McCoy growled, "cause if it's not, I'm out of job and discredited - Board of Admirals' got a complaint from Marcus," he clarified when he saw their questioning faces.  
"A-about what?" stuttered Christine. "You?"  
"Yeah, he's making it sound like I was some sort of paranoid lunatic that doesn't know what he's saying-"  
"But...but that's _awful_!" she screamed in indignation.  
"It is a logical move to discredit the Doctor and depict him as mentally and emotionally unstable," Spock said.  
Embarrassed silence followed his words. McCoy leaned back, folding his arms. "Thanks, Spock. Good to know you appreciate the Admiral's efforts."  
Jim sighed and leaned over. "Spock, your bedside manner? What we've been talking about?"

"Sorry, Doctor; I did not intend to-"

"It's alright, forget it." Leonard waved his hand dismissively. Turning back to their assembled friends, he continued: "One or all of ya might also be asked to give witness about my character, or something like that... An' ya should probably know that...your careers could also be in danger if ya side wi' me and I lose."

"Shut up, Leo," their chief engineer answered calmly.  
"Exactly. Well said, Scotty," Christine nodded approvingly.  
"We lov you, Doctor!" piped Chekov in his unique, russian dialect. "You're like orr-"

"If I hear you say once again I'm like your mommy I'll vaccinate you against galarian rabies, Pavel."

 

^^y^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, things are getting dirty, and will continue to do so in the next chapter 9: The Trial. So stay with me and find out what else our dear Admiral Marcus is up to next.   
> Oh, and comment, please! :D
> 
> Yours, Coco


	9. The Trial, Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear fellow readers and authors,
> 
> this is chapter 9 of my first ever star trek fanfiction, and I am proud to say that with it I've reached the 50,000 words mark! Thank you for your support and your feedback, It's so appreciated, there are no words to tell. 
> 
> This chapter will have two parts; it simply wasn't humanly possible to fit it all in one. I put a major cliffhanger at the end; ye be warned. :D  
> Also, I the name of the defensive lawyer is a nod to the awesome Gregory Peck, starring in the movie 'To Kill a Mockingbird'; which is about a case of (alledged) rape, too.  
> The medal mentioned that Bones got in this story is another nod to the no less awesome Steven Spielberg; whose 'E.T.' was the first alien-movie I ever saw.
> 
> Thank you to Ringo103 (I hope you love this aswell), redford (#TeamBones, yay!! I see your point; I've not yet decided, though... wait and see if you're right. ;)), WolfaMoon (Ok... I'm a bit confused: do you have camera surveillance at your schools/universities? Because we don't in Germany. If they have it in the USA, that'd be a plot hole! XD ...Well, anyway, in this story they don't have surveillance! ;D), macywinstar (Yep. You totally right there.).
> 
> Chapter's warnings: reference to rape (obviously, but not graphic), slandering.

_Lascia ch'io pianga_  
_mia cruda sorte_  
_e che sospiri_  
_la libertà_

_Il duolo infranga_  
_queste ritorte_  
_de' miei martiri_  
_sol per pietà_

_-_

_Let me weep_  
_over my cruel fate_  
_and that I may sigh_  
_for freedom_

_Let my sadness_  
_shatter these chains_  
_of my suffering_  
_if only out of pity_

_\- Lascia ch'io pianga, aria, Georg Friedrich Händel_

 

**Chapter 9: The Trial**

 

The remaining days until the trial was to begin passed in an anxious frenzy of preparation.  
Leonard, Jim and Spock went over Leonard's testimony again and again, as he was required to give it right to the start and it was in Spock's and Dr Rosenberg's opinion crucial that he made it sound credible. The prosecutor was also very busy preparing their sole witness, John Barrows, the former night guard - a lot would depend on him as well.

As the morning of the hearing had arrived, Leonard seriously considered moving to Alaska.  
Jim did his best to calm him, but all he said seemed to make Bones' anxiousness worse, so he finally gave it up and simply held his lover's hand as they walked into the courtroom.  
As Leonard was required to sit in the front next to his counsel, he reluctantly had to let go of Jim's hand, who took a seat in the row right behind him; Spock by his side - the Vulcan had chosen to attend the whole trial, just as the rest of their crew had.  
McCoy sat down and tried to calm his raging heart. He glanced at Dr Rosenberg, who nodded in greeting and smiled encouragingly.  
All Leonard could do was stare in frozen dread. He barely noticed the murmuring and occasional pointing in his direction; he only heard the rushing of his blood and the voice in his head that shouted at him to get the hell out of here. Slowly, he lifted his head and looked at the huge table of the front side of the room, standing slightly raised on a pedestal; five empty seats behind it. The Board of Admirals hadn't arrived yet.  
Behind the table, the Star Fleet emblem stuck to the cool grey wall; it had always been a sign of protection, spirit of adventure, of progress for him. Now Leonard noted to himself how dangerously spiked and foreboding it looked.  
He looked to his left where Burgh was sitting with his lawyer. He looked calm and confident and even smirked slightly when he noticed McCoy's look.

Finally, after long, agonizing minutes, the admirals entered through a small door on the left side. McCoy recognised all of them, though he'd only personally met two: first, there was Christopher Pike, followed by Admiral Archer - the man whose precious beagle had been beamed away by Scotty. Next was a tall, black man named Barnett whom McCoy had met once or twice. Then there was the only woman of the Board, Louisa Dearing; and finally, Fleet Admiral Alexander Marcus, who'd preside the court.

The admirals took their seats and an adjutant declared the court to be opened.

What followed were long and tedious preliminaries; every admiral was introduced with rank, name and decoration; responsibility was claimed, and finally, the legitimacy of the court was stated.  
Then, the adjutant cleared his throat.

"The court martial was summoned to decide upon the case of Dr Jonathan Burgh, M.D. Dr Burgh is accused of Sexual Assault in association with Deprivation of Liberty by Lieutenant Commander Leonard Horatio McCoy, M.D.,"

He cleared his throat again and continued: "Dr Burgh is accused of having taken advantage of Lieutenant Commander McCoy's status as a student to lure him into his office at the medical faculty of the University of Mississippi in the night of stardate 2249.04. Dr Burgh imprisoned Lieutenant Commander McCoy, and assaulted him, resulting in injury. Afterwards, he blackmailed his victim into silence."

The adjutant finished and stepped back.  
Admiral Marcus nodded towards Cora Rosenberg with an expression of boredom, as if he considered this whole affair an utter waste of time. The woman stood up and turned slightly towards her client.  
"The Prosecution calls forward Dr Leonard McCoy."

Leonard sighed. This was it then.  
Getting up, he took a deep, calming breath and walked towards the chair that was placed in the middle in front of the admiral's table. Leonard sat down and looked at each admiral in turn: some looked friendly and slightly sympathetic, like Admiral Dearing and of course, Pike. Admiral Barnett looked completely passive; nothing gave away what he thought of all this. The Admirals Archer and Marcus finally regarded him with obvious dislike.  
A few seconds passed in silence; Marcus busied himself with his PADD, showing clearly he didn't take the matter at hand seriously. Finally, he looked up and spoke in a bored voice.  
"Well then, Lieutenant Commander McCoy; tell us your story."  
Leonard thought he could hear Jim growl behind him; outraged at the implication that it was a 'story' that his lover was about to tell. The doctor set his teeth for a moment, trying to control his emotions like Spock had told him over and over.  
When he spoke, his voice was calm and collected.  
He told the Board about the night he'd studied in the morgue of the medical faculty; how he'd been summoned by his professor and how he'd been shut inside the office. He told them about how Burgh had asked his opinion on an experiment, the touches that followed and the many occasional touches that had preceded them. He explained that Burgh had been drinking Romulan Ale; a strong intoxicant known for its various side effects.  
At this point, a few admirals raised their eyebrows at Burgh but stayed silent while McCoy continued.  
He told them about the assault - how he'd tried to escape, how he'd fought back, and how he'd been raped. About the blackmail in the lift and the conversation with John Barrows. And finally, how he'd walked back to his dormitory.

When he fell silent, the room was quiet but for the stifled sobs of Christine Chapel who sat with Scotty and Chekov a few rows behind Jim.  
Then Admiral Marcus nodded towards Burgh's defense lawyer; a good-looking, middle aged man with dark, full hair and glasses who looked like he meant business when he stood up and walked towards Leonard.

"Lieutenant Commander McCoy, do you have a witness to the alleged attack by my client?"  
"No."  
"And did you see a medic directly after or in the following hours after the alleged attack?"  
"No, I-"  
The lawyer raised his eyebrows. "Do you have any evidence at all that there even _was_ an attack on yourself? Or are we all gathered here just to hear the fantasy of an attention-seeking-"  
"Objection!" Dr Rosenberg interrupted calmly. "Slander against the witness."  
Admiral Barnett nodded in her direction and turned towards the defense lawyer.  
"Mr Finch, we must ask you from refraining from personal insult here."  
"Forgive me, Admiral; but I have evidence that Lieutenant Commander McCoy is quite well known for his paranoid behavior-"  
"This hearing is not about my client's behavior, Admirals," Cora interrupted again, louder. Mr Finch turned towards her.  
"I am afraid this is an important question here, dear colleague; as there are no witnesses that can testify an attack. If we are to rely upon McCoy's testimony, we must be sure that it is credible."  
"I agree with Mr Finch here," drawled Admiral Marcus, still looking extremely bored. "Objection overruled! Please continue the questioning."  
"Yes, Sir. Lieutenant Commander McCoy," he addressed Leonard again, "is it true that you've received five reprimands for insubordination and backtalk during your military career so far?"  
"...Yes," Leonard confirmed, gnashing his teeth. Mr Finch nodded and took a PADD from his table.  
"I have here evidence that you not only received reprimands but that the officers involved noted down that..." he made a show of lifting the PADD to his eyes and adjusting his glasses, " _...'Lt. Cmr. McCoy showed a serious lack of respect for authority; also, he demonstrated irate behavior on several occasions.'_ ...My, my!"  
Scrolling through his PADD, he pulled up another file. "I have here a testimony of one of your nurses, Lieutenant Commander. He claims that you frequently shouted at patients; sometimes even _threatening_ them..."  
Lifting his eyebrows even higher, Finch obviously prepared himself for the final blow.  
"He also testified that you lost control with my client a few weeks back - the man that volunteered to help you and your staff in a time of a crisis - and broke his nose in an argument!"

A few people in the back rows gasped; Admirals Derring and Barnett furrowed their brows. Leonard winced; that truly sounded bad told that way. Still, he was surprised that some people obviously had not yet heard of his blunder. He uncomfortably felt the eyes of the whole courtroom directed at him. Finch folded his arms over his chest, waiting for an answer. McCoy sighed.  
"Yes," he confirmed. "But he-"

"THAT BASTARD DESERVED IT!" A voice shouted from behind him. Practically everybody turned in their seats to look at Christine Chapel, who'd stood up and glared murderously with tears still in her eyes.  
"JONATHAN BURGH DESERVES TO ROT IN HELL FOR WHAT HE DID-"  
"Christine, shut up," Kirk hissed at her, trying to pull her down.  
"Miss Chapel, you're not helping," Dr Rosenberg added quietly. The defensive lawyer looked like Christmas had come early.  
"So...Nurse Chapel... You're saying that my client _deserved_ to get his nose broken by his former student? Well... I'm not going to comment on what kind of light that sheds on yourself as a nurse..." He let that statement linger while Christine gasped indignantly.  
"...But, I'd say the whole affair proves that Lieutenant Commander McCoy can be described as... unstable. Oh, I know he is an exceptional medic with publications in every other medical journal, but that makes his loss of control even more grave."  
Turning back to his PADD, he pulled up yet another file and studied it for a moment. Then he smiled slightly in a way that send a wave of foreboding down Leonard's spine. Finch cleared his throat and called out: "Defense calls Captain James Tiberius Kirk!"

Leonard swallowed thickly. What did the man want from Jim? _'Whatever this is about, it can't be good...'_  
His lover seemed to think along the same lines, because his face was very intent when he stepped forward and sat down next to him. Their eyes met briefly, and Jim's eyes transported love but also concern.

"Captain Kirk, do you recall an incident that happened on your first day at Star Fleet Academy in the transport shuttle you took to San Francisco?"  
"I recall several incidents that happened that day, Mr Finch," Jim replied coolly.  
"I am referring to an incident involving Lieutenant Commander McCoy. What was the first you saw of him?"  
"He sat down next to me."  
"How did he look?"  
Kirk smirked slightly; eyes flickering over to Bones. "Gorgeous."  
Some people snickered. Finch paused, then continued a bit put off. "Yes, we'll be addressing the subject of your relationship with him soon. But I am asking you now, Captain; and please note that you're at court: Didn't Lieutenant Commander McCoy suffer from a fit of aviophobia and almost had to be restrained by the crew?"  
Bones sighed again, closing his eyes briefly. Inside his head, the scene how he first met Jim played on...

_"I may throw up on ya."_  
_"I think these things are pretty safe..."_  
_"Don't pander to me, kid. One tiny crack in the hull and our blood boils in thirteen seconds. A solar flare may crop up, cook us in our seats! And wait till you're sittin' pretty with a case of Andorian Shingles - see if ya still so relaxed when your eyeballs are bleedin'! Space is disease and danger wrapped in darkness and silence..."_

"Captain Kirk?" The defensive lawyer asked again, waiting.  
"Doctor McCoy did not feel well that day-"  
"Please just answer the question: did he suffer from a fit of aviophobia?"  
"...Yes," Jim confirmed quietly; seeing no way to avoid an answer - at least they didn't know his lover'd been drinking during the whole flight, too.  
"...but that does not make him paranoid!"  
"Well, I think it means something when a man who works as a medic for Star Fleet - as a surgeon no less - and is expected to possess calm nerves suffers from an irrational fear of flying! And let's not forget that inclination towards uncontrolled anger-"  
"Dr McCoy is _not_ uncontrolled!" Jim snarled angrily.  
"He broke my client's nose-"  
"Because _your client_ raped him and dared to insinuate that he liked it!!" Kirk was getting seriously worked up now. He could feel Bones' hand covering his, trying to calm him; but it was so damn hard. With a deep breath, he closed his eyes for a second before he said something that might be damaging to Bones' case.  
When he opened them again, Mr Finch stared at him long and hard.  
"Captain Kirk, I understand it is difficult for you to separate your emotional relationship to Dr McCoy from your professional relationship. But I am not convinced at all that my client did what your lover claims he did; and his record of outbursts in the past suggests he might not be as stable as you say."  
Turning towards the Board of Admirals, he shrugged and said: "No further questions for Captain Kirk.  
Alexander Marcus nodded and looked at Cora. "Your witness."  
She immediately stood up and walked over to Jim. "Captain Kirk, how long have you known Dr McCoy?"  
"For three years."  
"How long is he your First Medical Officer?"  
"Uh - about six months now. He was made CMO shortly before I was made Captain of the _Enterprise_."  
"Why was he made CMO - the highest-ranking and most responsible medical position on a starship - such a short time after being assigned to said starship... even before he graduated from the Academy?"  
"For the same reason I was made Captain before graduation," the blonde answered, shrugging slightly. "Our superior officers were KIA or, as in Captain Pike's case, abducted. He was the logical choice."

The persecutor's eyes narrowed. "Why? Surely there were other medics working on such a huge ship as the Enterprise; medics that already graduated. Why would Dr McCoy be made CMO when there were other qualified doctors?"  
Leonard furrowed his brow, wondering if she was getting somewhere with this or if she was helping the defense now. His lover seemed to be asking himself the same question because he paused before answering.  
"...He already had a lot of experience as a medic - well, _actual_ experience," Jim clarified. "He'd been working as a doctor for several years before he entered Star Fleet. He was more experienced than the other medics."  
"You're right, Captain. In fact, Dr McCoy worked at the Emory Hospital of Atlanta as a surgeon where he saved many lives; especially as he was one of the few doctors that knew about Xenobiology. I have a list of non-human patients here-" she lifted her PADD at the table with the admirals, "-that survived solely because Dr McCoy was able to perform the necessary surgery; he was the one of _two doctors_ working there that even knew how to operate on them!"  
Pulling up another data and quickly transferring it onto the admirals' PADDs, she spoke on.  
"And that's not all Dr McCoy did with his time. I have his complete list of publications here; from his time at the University of Mississippi, the Emory Hospital and Star Fleet Medical. Doctor," she turned around, looking at Leonard, "is it true that you published your first essay on Xenobiology while you were still a student?"  
"Uhm... yes," Leonard answered, taken by surprise.  
"Was it well-received?"  
"I guess so. It was published in the _Xeno Med Journal_."  
"I see. So you received praise from a renown medical journal when you were barely twenty-one. You continued to write for several other papers; all of your essays were published and highly regarded by Xenobiologists around the world, right?"  
"Well, I had an idea or two that were worth looking into-"  
"Ideas that proved to be life-saving to many other species in the Federation of Planets," Dr Rosenberg hurried on before her client could lessen himself any further.  
"In fact, only four years later, with twenty-five, you were awarded the Spielberg Medal for, I quote: _'invaluable contributions to the field of Xenobiology'_."  
"Yeah, but I really just-"  
"So when Dr McCoy was made CMO of Star Fleet's flagship, he was the most experienced and best choice for the post?" Dr Rosenberg asked Jim again, smiling slightly.  
"Absolutely," Jim smiled back, realizing what she was doing.  
"Objection," Mr Finch interrupted. "The log of the _Enterprise_ clearly states that Dr McCoy was made CMO by Acting Captain Spock during the attack of the enemy ship _Narada._ There is no proof-"  
"Dr McCoy was first appointed CMO by Commander Spock, yes, but his rank was later confirmed by the Board of Medics." Cora countered calmly.

The Admirals talked quietly among themselves, then Admiral Derring spoke up: "Overruled. Please continue."  
"Thank you. So, Captain Kirk, would you say the post of the CMO went to the most capable of the available medics?"  
"I'd say the post went to the most brilliant medic that the 'Fleet ever had," Jim confirmed, casting a quick, loving look at Leonard.  
"After you took command of the ship, you and your crew defeated the _Narada_ and were even able to rescue Admiral Pike, who sustained grave injury. Was it Dr McCoy that performed the complicated surgery on him?"  
"Yes."  
"So, only hours after the battle, directly after your return to earth, he not only saved the Admiral's life but also repaired the extensive neurological damage the torture had inflicted?"  
"Yes."  
"Thank you. Admirals," she said, turning towards them, "this is a perfect example of a medic with not only an exceptional talent in his profession but with exceptionally strong nerves. I have a statement here from the Board of Medics - your signature among them, Admiral Derring - that this kind of surgery required a skilled and steady hand. So," Dr Rosenberg concluded, "the question whether my client is a nervous person is settled."

The admirals talked quietly among them again; Admiral Marcus obviously disagreeing with something. Finally he nodded with clenched teeth, looking up. "Thank you, Dr Rosenberg. We'll take a break of fifteen minutes."  
Murmurs broke out in the general shuffling and shifting that followed.

 

* * *

 

 

"Well, that was a small victory, right?" Jim Kirk asked when they stepped outside on the campus green to get some fresh air.  
"It was very important to make sure Finch wouldn't discredit Dr McCoy as paranoid with anger-management issues," Dr Rosenberg replied, furrowing her brow. "I was sure he'd try to do it - maybe he'll try it again; be prepared for another row."  
"Yeah," Leonard sighed, "I'm sure he gets all the ammunition he needs with a client like Burgh - tha' guy will tell him the biggest bullshit ever heard in a courtroom if it serves him!"  
"Yes - but don't let him provoke you, Doctor. Finch; he knows which buttons to press, we all do." She stepped closer to him and put her slender hand on his shoulder. "He might even bring up your relationship with Mr Kirk - and it won't be pretty."  
"Yeah Bones," Jim nodded, "don't let him get to you. Just remember, I am there, right behind you..."

With that, he placed a gentle, loving kiss on Leonard's lips and buried his hand in his lover's thick hair while Cora Rosenberg discreetly looked the other way.

 

* * *

 

 

Atticus Finch obviously didn't take his earlier defeat well for he immediately launched another attack as soon as Leonard had settled in the front seat again.

"Lieutenant Commander McCoy, you have yet to prove you even were attacked. Do you have any evidence to that claim or did you simply make that up?"  
"I sure as hell have evidence," Leonard growled, immediately enraged. "I performed a tricorder scan that night!"  
Cora Rosenberg stood up quickly. "Admirals, I have that scan here." She typed a few commands into her PADD to make the data visible on the Admiral's PADDs as well as the defense's.  
"It shows clearly that Dr McCoy was sexually assaulted on the night in question-"  
"Objection!" Mr Finch interrupted, "Dr Rosenberg has by no means the expertise to interpret medical data!"  
Marcus nodded. "Sustained. Dr Rosenberg-"  
"Excuse me, Admiral," she quickly hurried on. Turning towards the only female member of the Board, she said: "Admiral Derring, you do possess the medical knowledge, as you have a medical decree yourself and are a member of the Board of Medics, correct?"  
"Yes, indeed," the auburn haired woman confirmed.  
"Would you be so kind as to interpret the data then?"  
"Of course." Looking at the listed figures for a minute, she finally answered: "The scan shows serious injury to the abdomen; contusions... even lacerations. The rectal fissures indicate rape," Derring finished, looking up.  
"Can you confirm that the injuries sustained are due to a rape that had taken place on the night of the scan?"  
"Yes. There is almost no healing process to be seen. The rape happened immediately before the scan took place."  
"Thank you, Admiral," Cora nodded. Addressing the Board in general, she looked each of them deep in the eyes. "This proves that there was indeed a sexual assault, and it states clearly that it happened on the night in question."

Silence followed her words as every member of the Admiralty was busy examining their fingernails; some clearly showing their embarrassment, others, like Pike, simply looking grim. Admiral Marcus somehow still managed to look bored with a certain air of _'Why the fuck should I care?'_.

"...Mr Finch, do you have any other questions for Lieutenant Commander McCoy?" Admiral Barnett asked, clearly disconcerted. The defensive lawyer looked slightly worried as if it had just occurred to him that he might lose the case. He cleared his throat.  
"Not yet, Admiral."  
"Kindly call up your next witness, then."  
"Yes," Finch nodded, visibly taking control of the situation again. "Defense calls Dr Jonathan Burgh!"

Murmurs broke out again. Seemingly unfazed, Dr Burgh walked towards the chair and sat down, folding his hands over his knees. His lawyer regarded him closely.  
"Dr Burgh, please tell us what you were doing in the night of stardate 2249.04."  
"Well... I usually stay longer in the faculty after classes; correcting essays, preparations for the next day... That's what I was doing on the night in question."  
"Are there witnesses that you've been in your office, preparing classes?"  
"The night guard - I think his name was John Barrows - saw me leave around half past one."  
"So Mr Barrows can testify you'd been at the faculty, like almost every night?"  
"Yes."  
"Very well." Lifting his PADD again, Finch sent another file. "Admirals, I have here the record of Jonathan Burgh's coming and going in that night. As you know, federal institutions like universities and academies keep a computerized record of every checking-in and -out. This record shows us that Dr Burgh checked in at seven-twenty-five in the morning, and checked out at one-thirty-three."  
Turning back to his client, he asked: "You stayed in the medical faculty for the whole time between check-in and check-out?"  
"That is correct."  
"Thank you. Dr Burgh, you've been teaching molecular biology during that time that Lieutenant Commander McCoy was your student?"  
"Yes."  
"How would you describe him?"  
"Leonard was... _is_... an excellent medic," Burgh smiled coldly. "He was among the top minds of his year. But I am afraid to say he's always shown some tendency towards irrational and irresponsible behavior."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Well, he got his girlfriend knocked up, for example, when they both were barely adults! He was still a student with very limited income and with a pregnant girl... it really isn't surprising that he broke the law."

A sharp intake was to be heard among the spectators. Leonard turned slightly in his seat and looked at Jim, who wore the same foreboding expression. Cora had warned them Burgh would sure as hell bring up Leonard's trespass at court, but he'd make sure it made McCoy look like a common thief.

Mr Finch lifted an eyebrow as if he didn't know perfectly well what his client was talking about.  
"He broke the law?"  
"Yes, I regret to say he did," Burgh sighed dramatically, hanging his head. "I caught him once in the university's medical storage rooms - stealing medication."  
Finch let that sentence linger for good measure before asking: "Did you report him?"  
"No, I felt sorry for him... soon to be a father, but without a job... So I made him my assistant instead, until his debts were paid off."  
"That was very generous of you."  
"Thank you. I am very sorry to see my generosity was so ill-rewarded..."  
This time, Burgh actually turned in his seat to look at Leonard with raised eyebrows. The hazel-haired man clenched his fists under the tabletop - the only thing missing now was Burgh shaking his head and 'tsk-tsk'ing.

The defensive lawyer nodded and addressed the Board: "I'd like to remember you all that the man that is being accused of such a terrible crime is a very respected and well-known member of our society. He was never prosecuted for as much as a speeding ticket! He has a long record of service in the field of education and is now the dean of the University of Mississippi, a very responsible position... No further questions."

Admiral Marcus nodded approvingly. "Well said, Mr Finch. Your witness, Dr Rosenberg."  
Cora quickly stood up and walked briskly over to the man that'd raped her client - and that she wanted to see convicted for his crimes, no matter what.  
Fixing the old man with a pointed glare, she didn't beat around the bush: "Dr Burgh, for how long did you make Leonard McCoy your personal assistant?"  
"Well...it wasn't really time-limited..."  
"So you kept a criminal incident silent that happened under your charge - involving one of your students - and chose the punishment yourself? You made him your assistant; meaning he was your slave, to be called and used on every whim?"  
"Objection!" roared Mr Finch, standing up. Dr Rosenberg quickly turned towards the Board.  
"I am simply curious why Jonathan Burgh chose not to report his student, as it would have been the obvious thing to do."  
It was Admiral Barnett that answered: "I see your point, Dr Rosenberg; but you cannot accuse someone of slavery-"  
Cora spoke to Dr Burgh again: "Did you pay Leonard McCoy for his services?"  
The man was clearly taken by surprise. "No-"  
"Did you tell him you were going to report him if he'd not work for you?"  
"Well, I- Surely I didn't use those words-"  
"Did he have to come no matter what day, no matter the time?"  
"I...What he did was wrong, it was my right to ask him for certain favors!"

Snorting with disgust, she addressed the men and women in front of her again.  
"Jonathan Burgh did not pay my client, he _blackmailed_ him into working for him, and made him work whenever he pleased... That is a form of slavery."  
Satisfied she'd driven her point home by the shocked expressions on everybody's' faces, she continued her questioning.  
"Dr Burgh, have you ever bothered to find out why my client was stealing university property?"  
The defendant looked surprised. "Why should I?"  
"Well, because you were head of the medicine department, for example. Or because it surely must have astonished you that one of your best students was using medication for something besides studying."  
"I...I have had more important things to do-"  
"Then let me tell you that Leonard McCoy did not simply take the medication and sell it," she raised her voice, making sure everybody could hear her, "instead he took it to a charity health center he was working at in his free time, when he was through with his classes! He treated patients there for free, using what he'd taken because they had no money to pay for it! You may have thought it okay to turn a common thief into your personal plaything, but you used a good man, a caring, _compassionate_ man for your personal gain - and for your personal...satisfaction," she added with as much contempt as she could muster.

As expected, Finch was on his feet in an instant: "Objection! There has been, up to this point, no proof that my client assaulted Dr McCoy in any way!"  
"Sustained!" Marcus cried immediately, clearly angered at how things were going. "Dr Rosenberg, you will refrain from insinuating anything like this!"

Cora nodded calmly. "Of course, Sir."

 

Shortly afterwards, the case was adjourned and would continue the following morning.  
Leonard sighed full of relief when he stepped into the cold, fresh air outside the building. It was getting dark already. Jim was still holding his hand.  
"You know... I think they believe you, Bones," he whispered, leaning into his lover. "You did well today."  
"Not me," the hazel-haired man replied. "Cora. You. The both of you did well."  
"Don't be so modest, Doctor," sounded the voice of the woman behind them. Cora Rosenberg walked up to them, her PADD and coat in her hands.  
"Honesty always lasts longest," she laid a hand on his arm, smiling. "And everybody that sees you knows at first glance you're an honest man. And we're gonna _prove_ it."  
Leonard smiled slightly at her words but felt too drained to say any more. Jim took over for him.  
"What's going to happen tomorrow?"  
"Well, I've already requested Commander Spock's mind meld with you to be approved as evidence. That will be a huge step towards proving Burgh guilty."  
Yawning, she walked down the steps onto the campus green. "Now I will go to sleep and I strongly recommend the same for you, Gentlemen!"  
Waving goodbye, she left.

Jim placed a gentle kiss on Bones' temple. "Let's go to bed, too. I'm sure tomorrow's gonna be tough aswell."

He had no idea how right he was.

 

* * *

 

 

The mind meld was first thing on the agenda the next day.  
"Commander Spock, please step forward," called Admiral Marcus. The half Vulcan stood up and walked over to the long table. Spock looked impeccable as always; not a hair out of place, dressed in his crinkle-free, grey uniform, hands behind his back. Cora stood up as well.  
"Admirals; prosecution wants to request an official mind meld between Commander Spock and Lieutenant Commander McCoy."  
"Objection," interjected Atticus Finch. "A mind meld has to this date never been permitted as evidence in a trial!"  
"It has; only not in a human trial. It is quite customary on New Vulcan," stated Spock calmly.  
"There's no way for the rest of us to know if Commander Spock is telling the truth!"  
Spock turned slightly to look at the defensive lawyer. "Vulcans cannot lie."  
"Commander Spock is quite right," Admiral Pike spoke up now. "It is an universal truth that Vulcans are not able to lie."  
But Finch, besides working for the wrong side, was an excellent lawyer that knew his business.  
"Vulcans do not lie, yes; unfortunately, Commander Spock is half-human. That makes it very much possible for him to be able to be untruthful."  
He addressed the Board now: "Another important reason to decline the meld is Dr McCoy's and Commander Spock's friendship; which poses a conflict of interest. Mr Spock can, by no means, be fairly called an impartial witness!"

Leonard and Jim exchanged worried glances. Mr Finch had a very good point. They hadn't thought that Spock's testimony could be questioned because of his half-human heritage.  
The Admirals quietly discussed the matter, arguing back and forth. Leonard knew they'd lost when Chris Pike sat back angrily.  
Marcus nodded in Finch's direction. "Objection sustained. The Board will not take Commander Spock's testimony into account."  
"Wait, Admirals; I strongly recommend-" Cora tried again, but was immediately interrupted.  
"You heard the decision, Dr Rosenberg. Now I recommend you call up your next witness!"  
The woman clenched her fists in suppressed anger. "Admiral Marcus, my next witness is not here yet. Mr Barrows was scheduled for the afternoon-"  
"It is not the Board's fault if you're unprepared. Mr Finch, does the defense have any witnesses?"  
Finch stood up smartly. "Yes, I do..."

McCoy noticed Burgh grinning at him from behind his lawyer. He furrowed his brow. _'What the fuck...?'_  
Suddenly, before Finch had finished speaking, he had an odd sense of being watched. Turning in his seat to look at the door, he froze.  
Surely not.  
Not _her._  
He barely registered the words that made his worst fears come true:

"Defense calls Mrs Jocelyn Treadway!"

 

^^y^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Promised you that'd be a mean cliffhanger. Joss is here, oh shit. Poor Bones...  
> Hope you liked it so far; I know Jim/Bones action is lacking here but this was supposed to be totally unromantic because, uh, it's a trial? I promise there will be some more McKirk in the future (btw, why is it called McKirk? Why not Jones? I mean, like, Jim and Bones? It would sound so much nicer!).  
> Next chapter will be The Trial, Part Two (unsurprisingly). 
> 
> Love, Coco


	10. The Trial, Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm truly sorry for the long delay. It's not that something happened to me that caused the hiatus; unless it's life that happened - this summer was kind of a blast to me, I enjoyed the time with my little family (I became a mommy not long ago) and met a lot with friends... Whenever I wanted to write again, I looked outside and it was this amazing weather and well... I procastinated. Now it's fall, soon to be winter, and I remembered my fanfiction. Fortunately, I've got the rest of it all planned out and only have to write it down so I wrote the new chapter in two days. 
> 
> I hope you'll forgive me and I promise I won't leave you hanging for so long again.
> 
> Concerning the chapter: There will be cursing, mentions of rape and some violence, but not too much. 
> 
> To my reviewers:  
> \- redford: You pretty much nailed it with your assumptions. And will it be Burgh's arrogance that will be his downfall...? I'm not telling, but let's say it's surely part of it. ;) It won't be too long now till the showdown now. Please let me know what you think about this new chapter!
> 
> -Emily: xD Poor Joss - I'd definitively better be behaving, now! Sorry you had to wait so long...
> 
> -genibane: It means much to me that you want me to continue... Finally, I am, so I hope you consider this worth the long wait.

_I was angry with my friend;_  
_I told my wrath, my wrath did end._  
_I was angry with my foe:_  
_I told it not, my wrath did grow._

 _And I waterd it in fears,_  
_night & morning with my tears:_  
_And I sunned it with smiles,_  
_and with soft deceitful wiles._

 _And it grew both day and night,_  
_till it bore an apple bright._  
_And my foe beheld it shine,_  
_and he knew that it was mine._

 _And into my garden stole_  
_when the night had veiled the pole;_  
_In the morning glad I see,_  
_my foe outstretchd beneath the tree._

_\- A Poison Tree, William Blake_

 

**Chapter 10: The Trial, Part II**

 

Leonard could only stare numbly as the drama unfolded.

His ex-wife walked up towards the Board of Admirals. As she passed him, the look on her face was inscrutable. Admiral Marcus gestured for her to take her seat, smiling at the good-looking woman, whose hair was a dark brown though her overall complexion was pale - maybe due to her eyes, which were a light, almost grayish, blue.  
Atticus Finch nodded kindly at his witness and asked her to introduce herself.

"Jocelyn Treadway," she replied in a calm, collected voice.  
"Mrs Treadway, you are the former Mrs McCoy? You have been married to Leonard McCoy?"  
"Yes."  
"How long have you been married?"  
"For seven years. We were divorced three years ago."  
"You have a daughter?"  
"Yes. Joanna."  
"Thank you. Mrs Treadway, in the seven years of your marriage, have you ever noticed Dr McCoy's homosexual tendencies?"

An audible gasp went through the audience at this blunt approach. Leonard could feel several people around him stiffen, including Jim, whom he could actually hear gnashing his teeth. Quietly, he took his lover's hand. _'This is bound to be ugly.'_

Jocelyn raised a shapely eyebrow. "Homosexual tendencies?" she repeated, haltingly.  
Atticus Finch nodded, seemingly unabashed by the silent hate directed at him by the _Enterprise_ 's crew.  
"Yes - he is in a relationship with a man. His captain, as a matter of fact."  
"I didn't know that," the brunette replied. "He forgot to tell me many things, it seems." There was a bitter note to her voice and she shot an accusing look at the ex-husband.  
The defensive lawyer gentled his tone as if he wanted to be sensitive: "I see... I imagine it cannot have been easy with a husband that was so secretive about certain... _aspects_ in his life-"

"Objection," Cora Rosenberg spoke up, sharply. "That is a suggestive question!"  
"Yes, yes - sustained," replied Marcus and made a movement with his hand as if he wanted to shoo away an annoying fly. "Mrs Treadway, you don't have to answer."  
Leonard's ex nodded stiffly, her pale eyes blinking rapidly.  
Finch cleared his throat and continued his interrogation: "Mrs Treadway, in your own words, what was the reason for your divorce?"  
"We... that is, me and Leonard-" she was breathing deeply, obviously struggling for words. "-we never talked anymore. And he... he was very distant - he had no interest in me anymore."  
"No interest... in sexual activity?"  
"Well - yes," she snapped, heat rising to her cheeks. "He wouldn't even touch me at all!" Suddenly she had turned around, directly talking to McCoy for the first time now.  
"You never even explained to me what the matter was! You blocked me out, only talking to me about Jo - you didn't even fight back when I insulted you! All you ever said was that you were fine!" " Angry tears threatened to spill and she quickly turned around again, chest heaving.  
Waiting out the dramatic effect, Finch quietly spoke again: "So... would you say that your husband's secrecy... was also untruthfulness towards you?"  
Jocelyn shrugged, clearly overwhelmed by her own emotion. "Yes, I guess it was..."  
"And would you say that, over the years, lying has become a habit to him?"  
The woman lifted her head, frowning.  
"...I'm not sure that he was actually _lying_ -"  
"But he kept a secret from you all that time, didn't he?" Finch pressed on. "He _was_ lying when he told you he was fine?"  
"I guess... he was."  
"Thank you," the defensive lawyer nodded, satisfied. "I have no more questions for you, Mrs Treadway."

Admiral Marcus inclined his head. "Prosecution?"  
While Dr Rosenberg stood up and moved over to the Board, Kirk leaned over to his vulcan crewman. "Spock... he's really a tough bastard, isn't he?"  
Spock raised an eyebrow. "I have no information regarding Mr Finch's parentage, but I agree that he's setting a strong case against the Doctor..."  
Jim nodded grimly. "You think Dr Rosenberg can counter that?"  
"I am not sure, Jim. Nobody of us knew Doctor McCoy's former wife would be testifying."

Cora racked her brain how to undo the damage Finch had inflicted on her client's reputation. _'It's not going to be easy.'_ she thought, regarding the distraught woman in front of her. Jocelyn Treadway looked at her warily, as if she was expecting the prosecutor to shout at her - what Cora felt a lot like doing right now. But she would try a different approach.

"Mrs Treadway, I can see you are very hurt at what you perceive as untruthfulness from Dr McCoy. But you cannot truly believe him to be a liar, can you?"  
"But he...he... what if he's been lying to me about his... _inclination_?" The woman averted her eyes, as if shamed by what she was asking. "What if he's always been interested in men and never told me?"  
"Joss-" Leonard began, falling silent again when Cora held up her hand in warning.  
"Mrs Treadway... please believe me when I tell you that your ex-husband has never entertained a romantic relationship with another man before Mr Kirk. Nor do I think he wanted for you to separate. Can you really believe he would have wanted to be with a man after what happened to him?"  
Jocelyn looked up, clearly disturbed. "You - you mean the... attack... when he was in university?"  
The blonde woman fixed her with an unwavering look. "Mrs Treadway, he was _raped_. That is a matter of fact."  
The brunette shuddered violently. A few moments passed in silence.  
"Then... I don't think he would have wanted to be with anyone," she whispered. Tears finally spilling, she all but sobbed: "But I am so angry and... Maybe I could have helped, if only-" she broke off, shaking her head and crying silently. Dr Rosenberg gave her a few seconds, then asked quietly: "Do you think him to be a dishonest man?"  
"I..." Jocelyn hesitated briefly, but shook her head. "No, I don't think so. He loved me, at least for a while. And he really loves Joanna... And I am glad he's found someone," she laughed softly.  
"I really am."

 

The hearing was adjourned after Mrs Treadway's testimony until afternoon.  
Leonard got up heavily from his seat, feeling a hundred years old. This morning had not gone well for him. The refusal of Spock's testimony was a huge blow - they'd based a lot on that. Suddenly he was no longer assured he could really win this. He closed his eyes; briefly imagining what his future would look like if he lost: all of Starfleet would know about it and assume he'd been after money, or fame. They'd know he'd broken the law when he stole the medication back in University - that he'd sued the same man that had hushed up his transgression out of mercy. They would think he'd always been homosexual and lied to his wife during their marriage.  
It left a sick feeling in his mouth.

He felt Jim grab his elbow to lead him outside, but he shook his head.  
"There's someone I have to talk to, Jim."  
He removed his arm and walked over to his ex-wife. "Joss."  
The dark-haired woman turned and regarded him, not unkindly. "Len."  
"Listen, I... I am really sorry I never told you what happened... That you had to hear it all at court."  
"Yes. I am sorry about that too." She looked down. Leonard sighed, running a hand through his hazel hair. "I wish I could say tha' I'd have told you eventually, but-"  
"-but you'd have never told me," she finished, smiling sadly. "I know. You never really trusted me that way."  
"No, that's not true," he frowned, wondering at the same time if she was right.  
"It's okay, Len," she gently laid a hand on his shoulder. "I understand why. I was always so demanding, so focused on myself in our marriage... I said awful things to you. I made it hard for you to trust me."  
A shadow fell over her face. "And when I think of what that man did to you... What you had to cope with on your own..." Hey eyes watered. Leonard took her hand, squeezing gently.  
"Don't think abou' it, Joss. Me an' Jim, we'll handle it. Just keep it away from Jo-Jo, right?"  
"Of course." She hesitated, then continued almost apologetically. "Listen, I think I will go back home now... I don't want to leave Joanna alone too long, and-"  
"I get it, Joss. Things are ugly enough already."  
"Thank you, Len." She turned, catching Jim regarding them with a curious look of anxiety and hope on his face. She nodded over to him.  
"So... You and that superhero Kirk. I've heard about his spectacular victory in the news, of course. I never knew you had a thing for blondes, Len."  
Blushing furiously, her ex crossed his arms. "Well, I-"  
"-But then again, I never knew you were into men, either..."  
Leonard let his arms sink, looking her in the eyes. "I am not _into men_ , Joss. I am just into _Jim_."  
She averted her eyes. "...I understand. Well, like I said, I am glad you found someone, just as I have. I never wanted you to stay alone. Maybe..." she breathed in, resolving herself. "...Maybe you and Mr Kirk can come to visit Jo... when this whole mess is over."  
McCoy nodded, touched by her suggestion that clearly had cost her some overcoming. "Thank you. We will."  
She smiled slightly and turned again but paused when she heard him speak again, softly: "You know... It's still not easy to talk about this shit. It took eight years and a Jim Kirk to get me to open up."  
She nodded without looking back. "You've always been one hell of a bullhead."  
With that, she left.

 

Lunch passed in gloomy silence. The slight elation Leonard had felt after Joss' invitation to visit Joanna together with Jim had faded quickly during the quiet talk with Cora Rosenberg, who explained to him and Kirk that things were not looking good for them.

"I talked to Admiral Pike," she said. "It seems Admiral Marcus has already convinced the Admirals Archer and Barnett that your accusations are false-"  
"Convinced... or urged them to think that." McCoy stated flatly. Cora sighed.  
"Well, it seems it wasn't too hard to make Archer believe you a liar. It seems he is prejudiced against the whole _Enterprise_ crew ever since Mr Scott is part of it."  
The two men looked a bit uncomfortable at this. Finally Leonard asked: "And Barnett?"  
"Barnett hates me," Jim answered instead, gnashing his teeth. "Man's got a long memory. He was the one who grounded me after the _Kobayashi Maru_."  
His words were followed by silence. Then McCoy shrugged and folded his arms over his chest. "That makes three against two, if we can assume Dearing's on my side. It all comes down to John's testimony, right?"  
"Much depends on it; he is the only person that has seen you and Burgh on the night of the attack. I believe he will make a credible witness; he seems to be rather fond of you." She smiled slightly, patting Leonard's arm comfortingly. "Don't give up yet, Dr McCoy!"  
With that, she stood and exited the cafeteria. Leonard sighed and buried his face in his hands. "Easy to say..."  
"She's right, Bones," Jim answered quietly, putting his arm around his lover's shoulders. "We need to see this through. I know the odds are not in our favor right now but we still have a chance! And even if... if we lose, many people will know what he did."  
"That's what I'm afraid of," his friend whispered, raising his head again to gaze at the ceiling. "There will be the ones who believe me an' pity me. And the ones who believe me a liar... or worse, assume I sleep with men in high positions for personal gain." His eyes flickered over to Kirk for a second. The blond man frowned and grabbed McCoy's shoulder, turning him around to look in his eyes.  
"Are you really placing me on the same level with that piece of shit? Everybody knows I've loved you from day one! Long before I became captain!"  
"Yeah, but unfortunately I only started sleeping with you _after_ your promotion, Jim."  
"..." Kirk was at a loss for words. Leonard knew he'd hurt his friend's feelings and took his hand.  
"I'm sorry, Jim. But this is how it will look like. And even if I don't give a shit about what other people think, I care about what Jo-Jo thinks." McCoy sighed again. "I don't want her to know..."  
"I understand, Bones. But she will love you no matter what. Just like me." Jim smiled softly and placed his arms on his friend's waist, pulling him close. "Now kiss me, you goddamn southern bullhead."  
"Irritatin' corn-fed kid," Leonard responded, grumbling slightly. "If it weren't for your big blue eyes..."  
"And my charming personality," Kirk added, leaning in. "Not to mention my great body and sex appeal."  
"Dammit, Jim," McCoy snorted, giving up resistance and closing his eyes.  
"You will be the death of me."

 

Until the court gathered again, Kirk had been fairly successful in distracting his doctor from his brooding. On the outside, Leonard appeared perfectly calm and collected; only those who knew him well could see the subtle clenching and unclenching of his hands.  
Long minutes passed until all the admirals were seated and had stopped shuffling their PADDs around; minutes that felt to McCoy like agony. When everybody had finally settled and Marcus cleared his throat, he was just short of clawing at the desktop.

"Prosecution, please name your next witness."

Cora stood up and moved to the front. "Prosecution calls forward Mr John Barrows."

Leonard turned in his seat to look at the elderly man that was now rising from his place in the back row and slowly moving up the aisle. It has been years since he last saw the former night guard and was happy to see that Barrows, though he had aged somewhat, still looked as competent and kind as he recollected. The white-haired man briefly caught his eye when he passed McCoy, a small, but sad, smile on his wrinkled face.  
When he'd taken his seat, Dr Rosenberg started her questioning gently: "Mr Barrows, please state your age and profession."  
"I'm 83 and have been retired for six years now. Before that, I worked as the night guard at the Ole Miss."  
"How long have you been working at the University of Mississippi?"  
"For thirty-three years."  
"That is quite a long time," Cora stated, looking intently at the board of admirals. "I suppose you've come to know many of the students and teachers there."  
"Yes, I did. Some more than others; of course."  
"So you remember Leonard McCoy?"  
"Yes," the old man confirmed again, gazing fondly at the person in question. "He stood out. Bright, inquisitive... kind. I still remember some of the talks we had, when he'd stayed late in the faculty."  
"Really?" The prosecutor smiled. "What did you talk about?"  
"Oh, his studies, mostly. I don't pretend to understand too much of it, but it was nice talking to one of the students. Most don't make the effort of even noticing the person at the front desk." A hint of an old bitterness had entered his voice, but disappeared quickly again.  
"He used to inquire after my dogs, too - I've never had kids of my own, see, so I kept some of them... Helped me more than once when one was sick, that McCoy. Would have been a great vet, too."  
Cora nodded, changing the topic slightly. "And did you get to know the teachers and professors, too?"  
The reminiscent smile disappeared from Barrow's face.  
"There weren't that many of them that worked in the medical faculty; so yes."  
The blonde woman pointed at the defense's table. "Do you recognize this man?"  
"I do, that's Professor Burgh. He always greeted me when he left at night. We spoke two or three times, but not much."  
"How would you describe him?"  
The elder shrugged. "Polite. Punctual. Very extroverted; he would always invite someone he's met in the foyer into his office for a talk."  
Dr Rosenberg's eyes narrowed. "Did he also invite students back to his office?"  
"Well, yes. He usually needed to discuss something medical or biological with them, from what I've heard-"

"There's absolutely nothing wrong with that," cried a voice behind them suddenly. Burgh had apparently lost some of his cool and had jumped up, much to the annoyance of his lawyer, who whispered furiously to him.  
"Those students asked me for help with their work, I offered my advice-"  
"Sit _down_!" hissed Atticus Finch, finally succeeding in pulling his client down again.

"I see." Cora paused for a moment for the effect and to collect herself for her next round of questions.  
"Do you recall the period of time in which Leonard McCoy worked for Dr Burgh as his... assistant?"  
The old man's face grew serious. "Yes. I remember because it struck me as odd that Leonard only left the faculty way past midnight, several times a week. I thought to myself: 'This can't be healthy to a young man.'"  
"Right. Did you notice any change in his behavior during that time?"  
Barrows frowned as he searched his memory. "...Well, he was paler than usual. And he seemed more... reclusive. I mean, more than usual. He always kept himself to himself, he did."  
Cora nodded and leaned forward in preparation of her most important question: "Do you remember the night of stardate 2249.04?"  
"Yes."  
"Can you tell us about anything that might be considered unusual that happened that night?"  
"Well... I started my shift at ten p.m. and, as usual, looked up who'd checked in and who'd already checked out again. I saw that Leonard and Professor Burgh were both still inside."  
"Was that unusual for them?"  
"...No, not really. Leonard always stayed longer than most students. As for Burgh, it was normal for him to work late in his office. I only started to wonder when I returned from one of my rounds later that night and saw that they were _still_ checked in."  
"What time was it then?"  
"It was already past one in the morning!"  
"And that was indeed unusual?"  
"Yes, students are not allowed to stay in the faculty after midnight unless they're allowed to do so by one of the teachers. But I knew Leonard was currently working for Dr Burgh, so I didn't go looking for him."  
"When did you see them next?"  
"They both came down shortly after one-thirty."  
"Alright. Mr Barrows... You are aware of the charges against Dr Burgh raised by Dr McCoy?"  
The former night guard's face darkened and he shot a quick look at the professor, whose expression was composed again.  
"Yes..."  
"In the light of these charges, did you notice anything about them that might indicate that Dr McCoy was assaulted?"  
"I clearly remember that Dr Burgh's nose had been bleeding; there were stains on his jacket."  
"How did he explain them?"  
"He said he'd run into the frame of his door."  
"Did you believe him?"  
"I... I did."  
"What about Leonard McCoy?"  
"He was... very, very pale. He acted a bit strange, nervous and almost... skittish. I remember because he was usually a very calm boy."  
"How did he act the next time you saw him?"  
"It was quite a while until I saw him again, because he didn't stay in the faculty during the nights any more. When he did stay longer again, he still left before curfew. I never saw him with Dr Burgh again."  
"Would you say he avoided him?"  
"It seemed like it."  
"Thank you," Dr Rosenberg said, nodding towards the defense. "Mr Finch..."

Atticus Finch rose and briskly strode over. "Mr Barrows, did Leonard McCoy say anything to you about the alleged attack?"  
"No... we didn't really talk anymore."  
"And on the night in question, did you notice any injury about him that could be associated with an assault?"  
"Uh... No. He was just pale. I only saw that Dr Burgh was injured."  
"Could his pale complexion be a result of the long nights working in the faculty and the lack of sleep?"  
"I- I guess-"  
"How regularly have you been doing your rounds in the faculty?"  
"Every hour."  
"Does your round take you to the teacher's offices?"  
"Yes."  
Mr Finch leaned forward intently, staring at the older man. "Mr Barrows - did you hear anything that indicated a struggle, or a fight?"  
Barrows paused, then hung his head. "No, nothing."  
Finch rose again. "Thank you-"

"He couldn't hear anything because Burgh installed acoustic insulation before he raped me!!" Leonard simply couldn't keep quiet anymore. He was on his feet, staring the defense lawyer directly in the eyes. "He knew John would hear it all otherwise-"

"Dr McCoy, you will sit down again _right now_ or be dismissed from court!" Marcus bellowed furiously, rising as well. Leonard ignored him, still looking intently at Finch, who surprisingly said nothing but looked at McCoy speculatively.

"McCoy!! Sit or be dismissed!" Marcus repeated, spitting with rage. Cora hurriedly took her client by his arm and steered him back to his seat. "Come on, Dr McCoy..."

When everybody was seated again, Admiral Pike cleared his throat and looked very pointedly at Alexander Marcus. "I would say a break is in order for everybody to calm down again-"  
"We don't need a break; the prosecution has used up all their witnesses, we can reach a verdict right now!" the Fleet Admiral growled.  
Cora looked up, alarmed. "Wait, sir! There's no need to hurry this-"  
"You failed to present actual _evidence_ that Dr Burgh so much as laid a finger on your client," Marcus interrupted her. "So he was raped by someone! But that was surely not the _dean of the University of Mississippi,_ a man that has dedicated his life to the education of young people!" He gestured at Burgh, who smiled and nodded satisfied.  
"Indeed, Alexander... And who knows - maybe it wasn't even rape! Maybe these injuries are the result of some perverted sex game that Leonard indulged in? Admirals, don't you think it's strange that a man that claims to have been _raped_ is now in a relationship with another man?! A _captain_ , no less," he almost purred, gaze shifting from Leonard to Jim and back.  
"Always picking the ones that can be of use to you...You really have no shame at all, do you, Leonard? No wonder you've sunken so low to become the captain's whore and a disgrace to-"

Just what exactly McCoy was a disgrace to he would never know, for in the instant the word 'whore' had left Burgh's mouth, there was a collective roar from the rows behind him and Jim, closely followed by Scotty, Christine and Pavel had charged forward and jumped the professor. His blond lover was the first to deal a fierce blow to the man's face that had Burgh sliding out of his chair and to the floor. Leonard stood transfixed when Pike, Barnett and Archer all got up and made a beeline for Kirk to try and pry him off with the rest of the _Enterprise'_ s crew yelling obscenities at the man.

McCoy had the vague feeling of displacement while he watched his life crumble in front of him. A numbness was closing in around him, holding him in place. It was a feeling he had experienced before, on the night of his assault. As if his life no longer belonged to him; as if he had no control left at all.

Suddenly another person moved past him, pushing him aside: it was Spock. He was quickly parting the crowd until he reached the heap of bodies that were Kirk - who was still beating the shit out of Burgh - and the three admirals that still tried to wrestle him down. The push brought Leonard back to senses; he was already moving forward when the Vulcan grabbed Jim by his scruff and pulled him up and away from his victim. McCoy gathered his love in his arms, trying to keep him from leaping at the professor again, but though he was taller, it was almost impossible to hold onto his captain that was besides himself with hate. When he looked into Jim's eyes they looked almost animalistic, with a pure, passionate instinct to kill.  
"Spock," Leonard growled, teeth clenched with the effort of keeping a hold on Jim, "help me, dammit!"  
The tall man reached out.

 

When Kirk came to his senses again, he was lying on grass.

He was sure it was grass because he could feel it tickling his fingertips. It smelled like grass, too.

It was nice. He could stay like this forever, lying on grass. There was a gentle, cool breeze caressing him and a warm hand in his hair, stroking softly. He sighed contentedly.  
The hand stilled.  
"Jim?" asked a voice quietly.  
_'That's my name.'_  
"...Would you open your eyes?"  
_'I don't want to.'_  
"Jim, I need you to wake up."  
_'Alright, alright...'_  
Giving up his futile resistance, Kirk sat up and took in his surroundings. He was on campus; he could see as much, but how did he get here? He didn't need to look at his love to know it was Bones sitting on the ground with him - he would recognize that deep, accented voice even in a coma.  
"What happened?" he asked, looking up at the falling darkness.  
His friend sighed. "You don't remember?"  
"I remember I tried to kill that son of a bitch."  
"...Well, you damn well tried to punch his nose all the way to the back of his head," Leonard growled. "It took three men and a Vulcan to get you off him!"  
Jim rubbed his stiff neck, frowning slightly. "Spock did that nerve-pinch thing to me?"  
"Yeah. It really was the only way to calm you. You..." McCoy swallowed audibly. "...I really thought you might kill him, Jim."  
"I would have." He felt his lover tense and finally turned to look at him. "I'd have killed him if you hadn't stopped me. And I wouldn't regret it."  
"Yeah you would!" Leonard took his face into his tanned hands, golden hazel eyes boring into sky blue ones. "You'd've regretted it the moment they'd have taken you away from me forever!"  
"...You are right," Jim whispered finally, his demeanor crumbling; the icy numbness fading into a devastating sadness. Feeling tears coming, he bent forward and pulled the other man into a crushing, desperate hug.  
"I would have done it for you, you know, Bones?" he forced out between suppressed sobs. "I would have killed that man if it meant you could sleep peacefully again..."  
"Hush, kid," Leonard soothed him, kissing the blonde head. "When will you get it into that thick skull o' yours that I'm not some medieval maiden, demandin' someone's head on a platter before deignin' to notice you? I don't want you to defend my honor, Jim - or to fight my battles for me."  
Lifting his young captain's chin, he smiled down at him. "Don't stand in front of me. Stand by my side."  
"Bones," Jim half-sobbed, half-laughed, "You really are the most amazing person I know... I love you!"  
"I love you too, Jim."  
"I will fight by your side, always!"  
"Great. So can we please end this mushy chatter now?"  
"Uh... yeah." Kirk suddenly remembered something. "I... guess I am in deep trouble now? Attacking someone in court and all?"  
McCoy sat back and folded his arms. "Well, for starters, you weren't the only one. Scotty, Pavel and Christine jumped him, too. They all received reprimands for 'actions unbecoming of a Star Fleet officer', so I guess you will, too. I don't know if Burgh will charge you with physical assault, but Admiral Dearing fixed his nose in no time. Marcus dismissed the court for the rest of the day - he might think of something nasty to do to you over this, though," Leonard added worriedly. "Burgh's his friend, after all... But Spock says it's in our favor that he lost his cool first, insultin' me. Everybody heard that he called me your - what he called me," he finished, feeling horribly ashamed.  
"...Bones, I wish I could undo all that shit that happened to you," Jim answered after a moment, torn by compassion and incredibly sad. "I know if it had been me, you'd find just the right words, you'd know what to do... I wish I could help you better, but I do what I can, okay? I am with you. I just hope I am enough..."  
"You are enough, Jim," his friend replied, smiling softly. "You're a handful, actually..."  
His young lover smiled back, but it quickly faded.  
"Bones?"  
"Yeah?"  
"You think we'll lose tomorrow?"  
"...Yeah. I believe we will."

They sat a moment in silence, each lost in his own thoughts. Suddenly Jim giggled. Leonard stared at him, wondering where that was coming from. Seeing his look, Kirk blurted out: "You realize this is the second time one of us broke that fucker's nose??"  
McCoy watched his captain roll around on the grass, laughing his ass off, and couldn't help but grin too.  
"Actually it's the third time..."  
Kirk's laughter died somewhat, remembering the first time his friend had broken his rapist's nose. "Yeah... Hey, Bones?"  
"Yes, Jim?"  
"Wasn't it totally awesome how Burgh fell off his chair and hit the floor?"  
He dissolved into fits of merit again and this time, Leonard laughed with him.  
"Yeah - totally awesome."

Neither of them noticed the person in the shadows, watching them unobtrusively.

 

^^y^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh shit... who is the person that's spying on our beloved couple? Please let me know in your review if you have an idea. ;)  
> I had SO MUCH fun writing that scene when Jim & Co. all went beserk and beat the sh... out of Burgh! It was very satisfying for me as the author, I hope it was just as satisfying to you.  
> What did you think about the poem I chose for this chapter? 
> 
> If you liked this, please tell me so and stay with me for Chapter 11: Maintaining


	11. Maintaining

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took longer than I expected to get this chapter done; it's full of juristical stuff I don't know shit about,  
> and I'm not claiming any accuracy.  
> But this is also a longer chapter again, so it's hopefully worth waiting for! Aaaand, we'll discover who that mystery man was!
> 
> Chapter's warnings: lots of research, which might be boring. But, as I noticed it's been an awfully long time since the last lemon,  
> you're getting one!
> 
> To my reviewers:  
> -genibane: Yes, drama!! And there will be more! xD Thx for reviewing.  
> -macywinstar: We're agreeing on that. But Burgh's getting what he deserves...hopefully. ;) Hope you like this one, too.  
> -Nix_Auditore: I'm not sure I translated everything correctly what you wrote, but thanks a lot for the comment! I am glad you like my story so much. Please keep reading!  
> -redford: Yes, I know, I regretted writing dear Atticus in a negative way. But he is a defensive lawyer, so... ;) Maybe you will forgive him later. Please tell me if you're surprised as who it was that spied on our fav couple! Thanks for the compliments; I am taking great pains (translating juristical jargon into english that I have trouble understanding in german, argh!) in making everything sound plausible. It's even more difficult that it's set in the future, so it's not necessarily as it is today... ok I finish whining now. Please enjoy the new chapter! xD  
> -Ringo103: Thank you!! Here's a new chapter for you! Enjoy! :)
> 
> Finally, I dedicate this chapter to my sister. It's her birthday today, and, if that's not already enough, she is also the one who's putting up with my typos...
> 
> Everybody, enjoy and leave me a review!

_Out of the night that covers me_   
_black as the pit from pole to pole_   
_I thank whatever gods may be_   
_for my unconquerable soul._

_[...]_

_It matters not how strait the gate_   
_how charged with punishments the scroll_   
_I am the master of my fate,_   
_I am the captain of my soul._

_\- Invictus, William Ernest Henley (excerpt)_

 

**Chapter 11: Maintaining**

 

It was way past midnight when Cora Rosenberg's communicator beeped.  
Tiredly, she looked at the caller's ID and frowned - it was unfamiliar. She considered ignoring it, but decided against it - she hadn't been able to sleep anyway; the thought that she would lose the case tomorrow haunted her, more than in any other lawsuit so far. It was not only about bringing a rapist to jail - it had turned into a personal matter as well, for she wanted for her client to see justice done.

So she activated her comm. "Yes?"  
_"Dr Rosenberg?"_  
"Yes - who's speaking?"  
_"You will know soon enough. It's important that nobody can track my call."_  
"Okay... So what do you want?"  
_"You're losing your case. I have some information that might prevent that."_  
Cora sat up straight. This was not the first anonymous call she received; she certainly had had her share of weirdos, but this caller was speaking in a calm and decisive manner that seemed oddly familiar to her though she couldn't place it.  
"I'm listening. What have you got?"  
_"Not on the comm. Meet me at the entrance to the grounds in one hour. And bring the half-Vulcan with you."_  
With that, the line was dead. The blonde woman thought furiously: if the caller was for real, she might finally get some evidence against Dr Burgh. But if he was a psycho..?  
_'I'll have Spock with me. He is stronger than a human...'_  
She knew it was a risk she was taking, but she really didn't have a choice if she wanted justice for Dr McCoy...and also for the _Enterprise_ 's crew, each of whom were putting their careers at stake by supporting him against the Fleet admiral.  
Shaking off her concern, she picked up her communicator again and dialed.  
"Mr Spock? I'm sorry to disturb you in the middle of the night, but this is important..."

 

The hour was almost up when the human and the half-Vulcan entered Star Fleet's grounds and walked hurriedly up to the old-fashioned gate that marked the entrance to the surrounding park. Spock had voiced the same concerns as Dr Rosenberg; but they'd agreed that it was the only option they had left.  
Reaching the gate, Cora looked around. "I don't see anyone yet..."  
"No, it is indeed difficult to do so. The spot is well chosen if one desires to be hidden from view by third parties."  
Spock regarded their surroundings very closely, eyeing the space between two trees intensely.  
"I believe I hear the person that summoned us approaching. You better stay behind me, Doctor."  
"Oh - right," Cora nodded and took a step back. She didn't possess any arms, but the Vulcan had brought his phaser as the anonymous caller had not demanded that they arrived unarmed.

It took her a while to hear it with her human ears, but finally, the woman registered soft steps coming their way. There was almost no light so it wasn't until the person was only meters away that she recognized the outlines of a human male. Spock hailed him, one hand on his phaser:  
"Identify yourself!"  
"I was intending to," a deep voice answered, a voice Cora could discern now that it was not distorted by a communicator.  
"Spock! That's-"  
"Yes, Doctor. I have identified him too." Putting away the weapon, the Vulcan gestured for the person to come closer.

Stepping out of the shadows into the dim light of the stars was no other than Atticus Finch.

"Dr Rosenberg," he nodded politely, "Mr Spock... Thank you for coming."  
Cora was still speechless, so Spock took over: "Mr Finch. I must say I am surprised that the lawyer of the opposing party asks the prosecutor to meet her in the middle of the night; the night before the closing arguments, no less."  
"You are right to be confused," the defensive lawyer nodded, hands in the pockets of his pants. "It is unusual. What I am about to do can justly be considered illegal, however; so please forgive the drama."  
Dr Rosenberg finally found her voice again. "Atticus - I don't get it. You said you had information that might help me win the case, but if you received it illegally-"  
"Cora, please, let me explain. I didn't receive it illegally. But I am making myself guilty of betrayal of the confidence between a lawyer and his client by giving it to you."  
The blonde woman was still trying to get it all in her head. "So... What you're about to tell us is something your client, Burgh, told you?" A thought struck her. "Did he confess-"  
"No, of course not, Cora," Finch scowled at her. "He is no madman. What I am giving you is...more like a signpost, leading you in the right direction."  
Cora stared at him, long and hard. "What made you change your mind about Burgh?"  
"I didn't change my mind concerning Burgh; I changed it concerning Dr McCoy. Today's hearing was... interesting."  
The prosecutor winced slightly. "You could say that..."  
"It made me reconsider my estimation of your client. When Dr McCoy stood up and made that remark about Burgh using acoustic insulation on his office, he looked me in the eyes... and I believed him."  
"You - you did?" Dr Rosenberg asked, amazed. "You're renown for never trusting anyone, not even your own clients..."  
Finch snorted. "Well, which lawyer does?!"  
Cora nodded. "Right... give us the information, then."  
"Not yet. First _you_ have to give me some info, Cora... And that's why Mr Spock is here, too."  
The Vulcan that had remained silent so far looked up, regarding the defensive lawyer intently.  
"You wish to be sure of the truth before you tell us something that will be damaging to your career."  
Finch exhaled. "Exactly, Mr Spock. I want to see what you saw when you got the truth from Dr McCoy."  
"Impossible. The mind meld I performed with him was an intimate act. I would not betray his trust by sharing his experiences with another."  
The other man stared, long and hard. "Not even if it's the only way for him to see justice?"  
"..." Spock hesitated. "I do wish for Leonard to receive the satisfaction of convicting his tormentor. And it is logical to convince you by all means. But... as his friend I will not share his worst memory without his consent."  
The prosecutor folded her arms, considering. "...I think Dr McCoy would agree to it, Spock. I think it would pain him more to see Burgh discharged."  
"Yes." The black-haired man closed his eyes, torn. "It can be that I will need to ask him for forgiveness, for making the wrong choice."  
The other man regarded him very closely for a long moment. Then it seemed as if Finch had made up his mind. "All right - Mr Spock, please tell me that what your friend accuses my client of is absolutely true."  
The Vulcan returned the look just as seriously. "It is the truth."  
Finch nodded. "As this seems to be the wonder of the night, I believe you, too."  
Cora looked on the exchange quietly, faintly shivering in the cold air. After another moment, the lawyer continued: "It... was important to me to be absolutely sure. Now I will tell you what I discovered. As I said, I believed Dr McCoy today...which means, if there had indeed been a lockdown on Burgh's office that night, it should show somewhere in the computer protocols of the faculty-"  
"Of course!" Cora couldn't believe she didn't think of that. "And you found it! You found the data that shows Burgh isolated his office that night?"  
Finch nodded slowly. "I did. It was a bit difficult to dig up after all those years, but it's still in the archives of the university. But Cora... I'm not sure if it is enough to win." He held his hands up in defense when he saw her open her mouth to protest. "I know; I know! But the presiding judge is Alexander Marcus, after all, and he will back down from nothing less than compelling, hard evidence that his friend is guilty. And all you can prove with the data alone is that Burgh locked and isolated his office! He will bring up various reasons for that; a confidential call for example that he didn't want to be overheard..."  
She sighed. "So Burgh will still find a way out..."  
Finch nodded solemnly. "And I, as his lawyer, would have no choice but to rip it to shreds. You'll need more to get him - but maybe you'll find something on these computers. As I said, all I can and will do is show you the direction; you must find what you need yourself."  
With that, he turned to leave.  
"Atticus?" Cora called out softly, just before he was out of sight.  
"Yes?"  
"Why are you helping us? You risk losing your case, after all."  
He considered a moment before answering: "Because now I know my client is a blackmailing rapist."

And he disappeared into the darkness.

 

Immediately after the talk with Finch, the prosecutor and the Vulcan hurried towards the main street to find a cab. Hailing one, they jumped inside.  
"To the airport," Cora barked impatiently, "we don't have a minute to lose!"

Seconds later, they were flying at full speed and the blonde woman looked at her companion. "Should we inform Dr McCoy?"  
Spock considered it, but shook his head. "I believe it is wiser to wait until we found anything of value. It would be further damaging to the doctor to get his hopes up in vain."  
She leaned back, sighing. "You're right. We better find something, then." Getting out her communicator, she mumbled: "I'm gonna call the Ole Miss, inform them of our arrival... At least Burgh's here in Frisco - he won't be able to interfere."  
Waiting for the call to connect, she licked her lips in anticipation. "I'll be damned if we can't find some real evidence! This time, we'll make _sure_ that bastard's going to jail!"  
"It would indeed be most fortunate, Doctor. I fear for Dr McCoy's sanity."  
Cora stared. "You think he'll lose his mind over this?"  
"No, but I am sure that if we fail to prove Burgh's culpability, Jim Kirk will...take matters into his own hands. And seeing Jim convicted..."  
The woman nodded grimly, about to answer when the call finally connected.  
"Good evening, this is Cora Rosenberg, I am a Star Fleet prosecutor- yes, I realize it's late! But this is urgent: I need to see the university's archives... No, it can't wait until morning! I am in the middle of a lawsuit and I believe there's valuable information- yes... No, I'm getting the next flight possible. I'm going to call you again when I arrive in Oxford. Thank you."  
Ending the call, she nodded at the half-Vulcan. "Now we have to wait..."

 

Two hours later, they stood in front of the main entrance of the University of Mississippi.  
The prosecutor had spared no expense in getting them there as quickly as possible and had spent a considerable amount of Star Fleet money on the fastest plane she found followed by a shuttle ride that had dropped them just outside of campus. Cora checked her watch - it was half past three already. They had to hurry.  
She'd called again when they had been minutes away and was relieved that somebody was waiting for them at the front door. The short, round man looked slightly annoyed but ultimately resigned and impatiently motioned them inside when Dr Rosenberg was about to introduce them.  
"Let's just get this over with, Ma'am," he drawled in that broad, southern accent that McCoy also possessed. "I'll show you the way to the archives."

He turned and led the way. Following, Cora and Spock noticed they were headed towards a lift. Stepping inside, he briefly glanced at them: "I doubt anyone's been there in ages, Ma'am. Might well take you a while to find what you're lookin' for."  
The woman balled her fists unconsciously. "Time is a thing we don't have."

Finally, they arrived in the vaults of the university. Their guide led them through a clean, narrow passage, dimly lit by a overhead light now and then. They passed several aluminum doors left and right before he stopped in front of one that looked exactly like the others, only this one had a small badge saying 'ARCHIVES'. The guard entered a code into the keypad next to the door and stepped through, his guests quickly following.  
When she first looked around the tiny room, Cora was slightly disappointed: she had expected something...bigger; a space filled with shelves upon shelves, reading desks... Instead, she saw a single table, a chair in front of it and a screen on top. Each piece of the sparse furniture sported a thick layer of dust.  
"That's...it?" she asked, put-off.  
"Yeah," the guard confirmed, nodding. "Touch screen. No voice command. That thing's probably older than you," he added, looking her up and down mildly interested. Rolling her eyes internally, Cora turned to the Vulcan and gestured towards the chair.  
"Think you can operate this relict, Mr Spock?"  
"I am confident I can." Sitting down, he tipped onto the monitor, which flickered to life after a few seconds, revealing a search field and a list of contents, sorted by year. Navigating around for a while, Spock finally spoke to her again without looking up.  
"I am searching for the data of the precise stardate...There: stardate 2249.04," he leaned back slightly so Cora could look over his shoulder. What she saw told her nothing: a seemingly endless list of numbers and letters. Apparently sensing her confusion, the half-Vulcan pointed a thin finger at a specific line.  
"Here, these are the check-in and check-out logs."  
He scrolled several lines down. "Jonathan Burgh checked in at 07:25 a.m. and checked out at 01:33 a.m. the next day, along with Dr McCoy."  
"Yes, yes, we already know that," the woman sighed exasperatedly. "Do you see the - uh, locking protocol or-"  
"I found it. As Mr Finch said, it shows a complete lockdown of the office in question at 00:41, followed by acoustic insulation at 00:44."  
"Yes! Excellent, Mr Spock!" Cora half-hugged him from behind, earning her a disapproving glare. "I'll have to buy Finch some flowers for this..."  
"Dr Rosenberg, do you realize this is not enough to incriminate Dr Burgh?" her companion asked, lifting an peculiarly shaped eyebrow. The blonde woman nodded, smile fading from her face.  
"I do. We need more. How many pages of data are there for stardate 2249.04?"  
"Forty-three."  
"And we have to check each numerical sequence line by line?"  
"Indeed."  
"...Well, shit. We better get started, then."

So they searched. Time was ticking on mercilessly, the endless lines of code telling them everything from when a computer was used and which lift moved to which floor to the exact time a toilet was flushed. Dr Rosenberg had no idea _why_ information like this was even registered. It was not helping that the numbers started to blur before her eyes; she was seriously feeling the lack of sleep now. Their guide had long since left, presumably in pursuit of a screen showing the latest football game.

Suddenly she slammed her hand down on the desktop, startling the Vulcan.  
"Spock! This is not helping! We're not even knowing what to look for!"  
Turning, the man looked at her. "What do you propose, Doctor?"  
"Well," she thought out loud, moving around in the tiny space to get her blood circulating again. "We know we need rock-solid evidence. So, I guess video or audio data would be the thing. Was there any surveillance in Burgh's office?"  
Spock checked. "No. And I am sure he would have thought to delete it if there had been any."  
"Damn..." She continued her trek around the room, thinking furiously. Suddenly she stopped again. "What about the corridor leading to the offices?"  
Spock checked again. "Yes, there was video surveillance on all the floors. I will search for the time Dr McCoy enters the office."  
Entering several commands in quick succession, the half-Vulcan pulled up the video and started it. Cora swallowed. It was hard to watch the young Leonard McCoy exit the lift, then enter the room where his assailant was waiting for him.  
She unwittingly had to think back to her college years: more than once had she herself been the target of unwanted attention... Guys grabbing her ass in crowded bars, trying to kiss her on the dance floor, the many times someone made an insulting remark about the way she dressed or behaved - it happened to many girls, and some boys. That's why she'd usually been part of a group of students, so everybody looked after the other. And she had never had to endure something like this. Like what happened to the young, slender man she was looking at.  
_' I cannot undo what you had to suffer,'_ she thought somberly. _'But I will make sure Burgh will never be able to attack anyone else.'_

"Okay, so we see him entering. Can you show us the moment when they're leaving?"  
Without comment, Spock entered another command. This time, they watched as the door opened again and McCoy stepped out, closely followed by Burgh who had his hand on the student's back. Leonard was limping slightly. They moved towards the lift and went in.  
"This could be something: it is obvious Dr McCoy's limping," the woman stated. The Vulcan nodded slowly. "At least, it is another strong indication of an attack."  
"But it's not _compelling_ evidence!" Cora growled. "Dammit! There _has_ to be something- wait," she interrupted herself mid-tirade. "Can you pull up a vid of the inside of the lift?"  
Spock frowned, concentrating on the data again. It took him several minutes until he found it.  
"Fascinating," he said softly, almost to himself. "There also is an audio file available. I suppose the lift has a microphone in order to communicate with the passengers inside in case of an emergency-"  
"Play it, Spock!" Cora broke in, impatiently.

In silence, they listened to the conversation on the video. When it was over, she stared at the Vulcan almost in awe.  
"We've got him, Mr Spock... We've got him."  
"Yes," agreed the man next to her gravely. "We do."

 

Three minutes later, they were storming out of the archives and into the lift. When they reached the entrance hall, Cora didn't even stop to explain everything to the startled night guard; she only called over a quick "Thank you!" to him as they ran towards the main exit.

"We must hurry," she panted when they were outside, once again looking for a cab. "It's already just before five!"  
The early rays of the morning sun were confirming the time. "Court's starting at eight. We have three hours!"

 

While the morning sun came too early for Cora and Spock, it found Leonard already awake.  
The gentle light touched his skin with warm kisses; yet it couldn't fight off the cold underneath it, and Leonard stood at the window, watching pensively as Aurora announced the beginning of the day - the day that would free his tormentor, and probably end his career.  
He sighed, looking at the reflection on the water of San Francisco Bay - how could something so pretty be so cruel?

Last night, his lover had tried everything to convince Leonard that his case wasn't lost yet. After they had returned to Jim's quarters, the blond man had brought up every clue that was in his favor; _willing_ the doctor to believe that everything was going to work out in the end.  
But Leonard was nothing if not stubborn, especially regarding his pessimism, and after a couple of hours, Jim had fallen asleep on the couch.  
Turning, McCoy regarded his still passed-out captain unhappily: the last weeks had taken his toll on his young lover, too - there were lines on his face that hadn't been there before, and he had become paler than usual. The doctor in Leonard noticed the dark circles under his eyes as well.  
In moments like this, he furiously wished he had never told Jim what had happened, that he could have had the damn self-control to bury it inside him as he had done for so many years...

Silently walking over to Sleeping Beauty, he sat down on the small table next to the couch. Up close, he saw the faint creases on Jim's forehead; almost as if his lover was still worrying about him in his sleep.

_'What am I doing to you, kid?'_ he berated himself mentally, not only angry at himself but also sad for the usual cheerfulness that Jim usually possessed but that was so very rare lately.  
He wanted to let Kirk get the sleep he needed, he really did, but he couldn't help but lift his hand to gently stroke the fine straw-colored hair. Of course, the motion woke the other man up.

 

Blinking rapidly, Jim needed a few seconds to realize he was awake. The dream - the nightmare - he had dreamed had been very vivid: he and Bones had been at court, and he had been accused of seducing his CMO into inappropriate behavior. When he had protested that they were in a relationship, the judges had sneered and brought up his reputation; saying he had never really loved anyone and that they would assign Dr McCoy to another starship so he could no longer use him.  
He had woken just when he had been forced to watch Bones walk away, only turning to look at Jim with contempt and accusation. Dream-Bones shook his head angrily. _"How could you, Jim? You treated me just like HE did! I thought you loved me!"_

Sitting up, the last picture of his nightmare still fresh before his eyes, he spotted his lover - his real lover - next to him.  
"Bones," he cried, throwing his arms around the somewhat startled doctor, "please don't leave me!"  
Holding him tight, he buried his face in Bones' hazel hair, inhaling the earthy, warm scent. After a moment of silence, he felt the other man's arms come up to enclose him as well.

"When will you get it into tha' straw-filled head of yours, kid?" his lover's deep voice mumbled. " Ain't gonna leave you."

Jim sighed and leaned back to look at him. "I know. Sorry," he smiled sheepishly. Still, he drank in his love's sight like a man dying of thirst - and felt his smile slip. "Did you sleep at all?"  
The older man shrugged. "Not really."  
His captain frowned. "You need to rest, Bones."  
" 'm fine, kid. It's just this whole court-crap that's gettin' to me."  
"Yeah, me too." Kirk rubbed his face tiredly, still feeling exhausted. "But it's gonna be over after today..."  
"...Yeah," McCoy answered with a curious look on his face. "It's gonna be over."

A few seconds passed in silence.  
"Jim," Leonard suddenly spoke again, "I'm sorry I am puttin' you through this. I really am."  
"Bullshit," Kirk answered immediately. "I am here because I want to be here."  
"Yeah... I know." McCoy hung his head, rubbing his neck nervously. "I just - I have always been your strength, Jim; like you've been mine... I wish I could have maintained that. I wish you had never needed to know how weak I've been; how weak I still am! I wish I could've remained tha' old, grumpy, strong bastard - at least in your eyes."  
"You are, Bones," Jim answered, voice thick. "In my eyes, you're just as grumpy, strong, stubborn and _admirable_ as you've ever been! And you'll always be."  
"...Jim," Leonard whispered, eyes stinging. "This is takin' so much out of you. _I_ am takin' so much out of you."  
"Yes," his lover agreed. "But is important for you to heal, Bones."  
_"Heal_?" the other man laughed without humor. "I am beyond repair. I... I sometimes think he's broken me, Jim..."  
Kirk felt his eyes water but his voice remained firm when he spoke: "No, Bones. It would take way more to break you."  
Leonard's breath hitched slightly. "Jim-"  
Understanding what his lover needed, Kirk pulled him into his arms again, lifting his chin to kiss him deeply. Leonard answered just in kind; clinging to Jim's shoulders, a desperate edge to his movements.

Their lovemaking was fast and needy, both men edged on by the feeling of frustration that had accompanied them throughout the last days.  
Jim hardly waited for Leonard to strip them, discarding the pieces of clothing that were in the way roughly and efficiently. Pulling his lover up onto the couch with him, he immediately wrapped his long legs around him, holding the doctor in place and guiding him to where he needed him right now.  
Leonard was actually shaking with need, and for a moment Jim wondered if he'd skip preparing him this time, but then the older man breathed in deeply, and regained some composure. Looking his captain in the eyes, he opened his mouth: "Jim-"  
"I know, I know," the blonde replied, half-exasperated and half-glad. "I'll take care of it."  
Continuing to hold his lover's gaze, Kirk brought his right hand up to his mouth and started to suck at his index and middle finger in an intentionally erotic manner, swirling his tongue around them and biting them gently. He smiled slightly when he saw Leonard's eyes grow dark with the dilating of his pupils. Jim decided to take it to the next level and guided his wet hand towards his opening, nimbly slipping the fingers inside. He began to move them, still staring into the hazel eyes above him, now void of any spark of gold but almost burning with the intensity of their master's expression.  
At this angle, it wasn't really possible to reach the spots he wanted to, but Kirk still made a show by throwing his head back against the couch and sighing dramatically.

He just started wondering how far he could take this when the doctor finally snapped. Growling - actually baring his teeth -, McCoy lunged at the younger man; capturing his lips in a searing kiss that took Jim's breath away. He had the good sense to remove his fingers just in time before Leonard pushed against him, shaking again, urging inside. The doctor immediately set a quick rhythm, free of all restraint; only taking the time to angle himself so he was hitting the other man's sweet spot with every thrust.  
He was rewarded with the sight of Jim baring his throat out of real pleasure now, moaning his appreciation. Leonard grunted satisfied and leaned down to kiss him again, but found himself biting down on the junction between his captain's neck and shoulder, drawing a loud groan from the man.  
Through the haze, McCoy felt the sudden moisture between them and quickened the pace even more, following with his own release seconds later.

Both panting as if they'd just sprinted a mile, the lovers looked at each other. Jim noticed Leonard's eyes were back to normal, but he was also shaking more than ever, now from sheer exhaustion. Without comment, he pulled the doctor against him, circling his arms around the taller man easily now that Leonard had lost so much weight.  
_'I've gotta get him to eat something before we leave.'_ Jim thought before allowing himself to doze off.

 

It was four minutes to eight when Cora and Spock hurried into the courtroom, heading straight towards the table of the prosecution. They attracted some unwanted attention; of course, the admirals as well as the defense were already seated.  
The blonde woman apologized quietly, earning a glare from Alexander Marcus and a curious look from her client. Cora said nothing but nodded encouragingly at McCoy, resulting in a spark of hope in the other doctor's eyes. Cora also glanced briefly at Atticus Finch. The dark-haired, spectacled man held her gaze.  
After she and Spock had settled down, Marcus opened court.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, let's make this quick and stop wasting everybody's' time: Dr Jonathan Burgh has been accused of sexual assault by Lt. Cmr. Leonard Horatio McCoy. Dr McCoy was undoubtedly assaulted in the night of Stardate 2249.04. Unfortunately, the prosecution has failed yet to present conclusive evidence that it was Dr Burgh who attacked him, so I am afraid I've got no choice but to-"

"Excuse me, Admirals," interrupted the prosecutor hurriedly, startled that the presiding admiral wanted to dismiss this case already. "I have gathered new evidence and would like to present it before you reach your verdict."  
Standing up, Cora took her PADD and unlocked it, pulling up the information she and Spock had found.  
Admiral Marcus tried to look bored but it resulted in a grimace instead.  
"Dr Rosenberg, as admirable your continuing effort concerning your client is, I highly doubt there is anything new to the matter. I suggest you accept that you've lost this case."

"Pardon me, Sir," the woman answered, undeterred. "The information I possess is indeed new and I am convinced it is important, too. I demand you hear it before-"  
"You _demand_? Are you aware who you're talking to?" Marcus had half-risen from his chair, enraged. "This isn't a democratic discussion, this is a courtroom of Star Fleet! And as I am the Fleet Admiral, I am calling the shots here!"  
"Alexander," a quiet voice spoke up next to him. All heads turned and looked at the auburn haired woman. Marcus gnashed his teeth but nodded at his fellow admiral.  
"Louisa...?"  
"I would like to hear the new evidence. I believe it will not take too much of our time and if it shines a new light on things, don't we owe it to Dr McCoy to consider it? He is a member of Star Fleet, after all."

Marcus looked as if he'd just swallowed something particularly nasty but sat down again. "Well, then... If the defense has nothing to against it...?" he trailed off, sounding almost hopeful. Finch leaned back in his seat with his hands folded in front of him, looking perfectly at ease. "Not at all, Sir."  
The Fleet admiral looked startled, but recognized defeat. "All right - show us what you've come up with, Dr Rosenberg."  
"Yes, Sir." Breathing in deeply, she took a moment to compose herself. This was it. The last chance to bring a rapist to justice. The last chance to let Dr McCoy receive some small satisfaction.  
_'Don't fuck this up, Cora,'_ she ordered herself.

"Admirals, I am about to show you a video feed that shows the door to Jonathan Burgh's office in the night in question."  
Quickly entering a command, she distributed the data not only to each of the admirals' PADDs but also to the holographic main screen in the center of the room, which popped up and started the video instantly. At first, all the spectators saw was the well-lit floor inside the medical faculty. I was empty.

"Please note the date of the recording," Cora stated. "Stardate 2249.04. I am now moving to the time Dr McCoy was called into Dr Burgh's office."  
As she did so, everybody was leaning forward instinctively when a young man entered the picture, stepped out of the lift and immediately crossed the corridor. Cora touched her PADD again and the video froze. She zoomed in on the young man's face, but more for the dramatic effect than out of necessity: it was plainly obvious the person in the video was McCoy - though he had been much slighter then, the hair was exactly the same shade of tousled hazel, and the face bore the same seriousness, if not yet the anger.

Cora let the video play on. Silently, everybody watched as the young McCoy stepped into the office and closed the door behind him. Then nothing happened for a long time. Finally, when Admiral Marcus made a move as if he wanted to interrupt, the door opened again, revealing Leonard and Jonathan Burgh. They walked towards the lift. When the two men had disappeared inside, Dr Rosenberg stopped the recording again.  
"I have the protocol of the faculty that states all the check-ins and -outs as well as all computer commands of the day," she said, pulling up the information to visualize next to the video data. Highlighting a line, she directed everyone's attention to it: "It recorded a lockdown on the office at 00:41, six minutes after Leonard McCoy entered it. Then we see the command for acoustic insulation three minutes later. At 01:24, both commands are lifted and they are leaving the office."  
Deleting the protocol again, the prosecutor regarded the board of admirals very seriously.  
"I am sure you all noticed Leonard McCoy limping on the way to the lift. He obviously has sustained an injury."

Letting the statement linger for a few seconds, she looked at her PADD again and was about to continue when a sneering voice interrupted her.

"I really cannot see what you're getting at, Dr Rosenberg," Burgh challenged, smiling arrogantly. "So Leonard was in my office that night! I never said he wasn't. The lockdown and acoustic insulation was merely a precaution. I didn't want to be overheard as Leonard and I were discussing confidential medical experiments! As for the injury..." he sighed dramatically, spreading his hands. "...I am afraid he had too much from my well-stacked liquor cabinet and ran into my desk."

That was such an insultingly low shot towards Leonard that it left Cora speechless for a moment. Gathering her wits again, she glared at this vile, despicable man that lied so smoothly.  
"Do you really think _anybody_ will believe that?"  
"Why not? It's my word against Leonard's."  
_"Stop calling him that!!"_ Jim had jumped up and balled his fists. "You have no right to call him anything, you disgusting pile of-"  
"Objection," interrupted Finch the raging captain firmly. "Mr. Kirk, please refrain from insulting... my client." Only Cora noticed the slight pause her colleague made before 'my client'. Angrily, Jim turned towards the defensive lawyer.  
"You cannot honestly believe that story, right??"  
Calmly, Finch returned the look. "I believe in evidence," he finally said, very deliberately, almost musing. "So unless there is anything that _proves_ Dr McCoy had not been drinking any alcohol...?" His dark eyes shifted to Cora, who understood instantly.  
"Indeed, there is! The tricorder scan my client performed back in his room showed not a trace of alcohol! There is no way he had been drinking," she exclaimed excitedly. Atticus nodded, shrugging at Burgh, who looked outraged.

"Dr Rosenberg, if there is anything else you want to show us, do it now!" Alexander Marcus urged her tersely, disliking where this was going. The blonde woman nodded and finally pulled up the next file.  
Another video popped up, revealing the young McCoy and the professor now inside the lift.  
"As you can see, they are now headed downwards. They are talking with each other, or to be precise, Dr Burgh is talking to Dr McCoy."  
"He was threatenin' me," Leonard interjected angrily. "Blackmailin' me-"  
"There is no prove of that," Burgh cried, clearly unnerved. "I could have said anything!"  
"Fortunately," Cora addressed both men equally, "there is an audio file recorded by a microphone inside the lift."  
Ignoring the protests from Burgh, she hit the PADD and the file was played. Everybody saw his digital self leaning close to Leonard, gripping the young man's shoulder and speaking:

_"Now listen closely, my boy... Always remember I've caught you stealing from the faculty! Nobody must know anything about what happened, so you better keep silent. Don't forget you'll lose your place at the University, think about your pregnant girl... And who would believe you, anyway?"_

Murmurs broke out in the rows behind them as Leonard stared at his lawyer. So this was why she had been so confident. He turned to look at Jim, who beamed as if he'd just gotten the _Enterprise_ as a birthday gift. They both saw their friends and fellow crewmen talking excitedly and throwing the one or other swearword at Burgh.

"This is it, Bones," Jim almost shouted, "he won't get out of this one!" He squeezed his lover's hand.

"Silence! Silence in the courtroom!" shouted Marcus, red in the face and spraying saliva everywhere. "Dr Rosenberg, this still says nothing about the rape-"  
"What the hell do you think he was blackmailing McCoy?" Pike asked, standing up and facing the presiding admiral. "Because he made him do his homework??"  
"Well - he... maybe he..." Marcus fumbled for words. "Maybe he had McCoy pay him and threatened him to ensure his silence-"  
"What about the tricorder scan that proves the rape?" Cora asked heatedly, appalled the admiral was still not seeing reason. "We have the exact time they were checking out of the faculty, and we have the time the scan was made, there were only minutes in between! It _must_ have happened in that office!"  
"But- there could have been someone else in the office..."  
"Someone who never checked-in or -out?" Pike asked, folding his arms. "You're reaching, Alexander."

Marcus looked around at the other admirals - no one looked as if they doubted the verity of McCoy's accusations any longer. Again, he recognized defeat - he would only damage his own reputation if he continued to defend the professor. He cleared his throat.  
"We will reach the verdict, then... Admiral Dearing?"  
"Guilty," she replied firmly.  
"Admiral Pike?"  
"Guilty!"  
"Admiral Archer?"  
"Guilty."  
"Admiral Barnett?"  
"...Guilty," answered the tall man after a pause.  
"All right," Marcus mumbled, glaring at the court in general and Leonard in particular. "Dr Jonathan Burgh is found guilty of sexual assault. The sentence will be announced tomorrow morning; until then, Dr Jonathan Burgh will stay in detention. Court dismissed."  
With that, not looking at anyone, he stood and left the room.  
One by one, the other admirals cleared out, too; only Pike walked over to McCoy and clapped his shoulder. "Well done. You and Jim, you should take a few days off, you know? I'll take care of you being removed from duty, Doctor."  
As the addressed man remained quiet, Kirk answered in his stead: "That would be great, Sir. We could use a few days of vacation."  
"Leave it to me." Pike nodded politely towards Spock and left, too.  
"Bones...?" asked Jim, worried by his lover's continuing silence. "Are you all right?"  
The other man's eyes were bright with emotion. "Jim, I- I can't believe I won... It's really over now..."  
Without a word, his captain grabbed his hand and held it tight.

Silently, they watched Burgh being cuffed and led away to await his sentence.

 

^^y^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it was Atticus who switched sides and brought about the turnover in this case! Cheers for him! :)  
> Finally, Burgh will have to pay (although it was planned this way by me, I am feeling very much satisfied at the moment).  
> Did you like it? If not, tell me why. If yes, stay with me for the next - and last - chapter 12: Healing Bones.
> 
> Lots of love, Coco


	12. Healing Bones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... this is it. It's done. My first Star Trek/english/far longer than usual fanfiction.  
> I just wrote the last part and am feeling a strange mix of happiness, pride and desolation. I guess the authors among you can relate.
> 
> As this is the last chapter, I will answer the comments for this one directly in the comment-section below. Please let me know what you think. :)  
> But first, to the gentle, kind, most revered reviewers from the last chapter:
> 
> \- Triple_Gemini: Thank you for your kudos as well as for leaving a comment! I am glad that you liked this; I really put a lot of work and love into it. I hope the (unfortunately) last chapter will be to your liking as well. :)  
> \- Jax2020: Believe me, I've filled the blank with all the swearwords I know already. It was a curious experience to write a character that I myself loathed so much and it was highly satisfying to write the last chapter. Yay, kudos to Atticus! I've felt very sorry for him for having such a client, but he decided against him in the end and for justice, huzzah! ;D  
> I hope you enjoy this new chapter, it features a lot of Bones (...maybe you noticed he's my fav character too :P)!  
> \- redford: You know, you're my most faithful reviewer! Thank you so much for sticking with our boys through thick and thin to the end! :) Yeah, I enjoyed seeing Admiral Marcus taken down a notch, too... Sadly it has been of no use (as we all saw in STID). Hope you enjoy the new chapter!  
> \- Bitchy cat mama: The baddies don't always have to answer for their deeds in real life, but in this fanfiction, they do! ;) I am glad you think my characterization accurate, I don't like to write them OOC. As for Bones; I can relate to him very much; that makes it easier for me to write him. :)  
> \- Trick: I am glad you hopped onto this fanfiction and found it worthwhile. :D I hope the end is to your liking as well.
> 
> Chapter's warnings: Ok so I really tried to NOT make it tooth-rotting fluff by writing a nice, steamin' lemon; but I am afraid it's still very much so.  
> It's definitely emotional, with mention of rape/flashback to rape, and some angst. And, I repeat, half of the chapter is sex. :)
> 
> Enjoy, everybody!

_We, unaccustomed to courage_   
_exiles from delight_   
_live coiled in shells of loneliness_   
_until love leaves its high holy temple_   
_and comes into our sight_   
_to liberate us into life._

_Love arrives_   
_and in its train come ecstasies_   
_old memories of pleasure_   
_ancient histories of pain._   
_Yet if we are bold,_   
_love strikes away the chains of fear_   
_from our souls._

_We are weaned from our timidity_   
_In the flush of love's light_   
_we dare be brave_   
_And suddenly we see_   
_that love costs all we are_   
_and will ever be._   
_Yet it is only love_   
_which sets us free._

_\- Touched by an Angel, Maya Angelou_

 

**Chapter 12: Healing Bones**

 

Leonard still didn't really know how he felt when he entered Jim's and his quarters that night.  
It was like a mix of relief, a lot of it; nervousness and exhaustion; exhaustion that ran bone-deep. It was all he could do to walk over to the couch before he collapsed onto it, his legs finally giving out. His lover regarded him with concern.

"Bones? Are you alright?"  
Sighing, McCoy sat up again. He needed to explain how he felt as best as he could; he didn't want Jim to worry. _'Not anymore. He's worried about me enough.'_

"Yeah, Jim, I'm okay. I just... I'm still struggling to believe it's over now."  
Silently, the younger man sat down next to him, putting an arm around him. After a pause, Leonard continued: "It's just been so many years, Jim... Years in which I thought I'd have to live with what happened... That I'd have to keep it quiet forever. And now, It's all out there... everybody knows. And who doesn't know yet will read about it tomorrow. Burgh's too well-known; it's gonna be one bitch o' a scandal."  
"Maybe. Maybe this was the price for bringing him to justice. But I believe it was worth it, Bones. And no matter what's gonna happen in the future, I'll be with you."

Turning to his blond lover, Leonard managed a small smile. "Thank you, Jim. I don't think I could face this shit without you."  
Leaning in, he gently kissed Jim's soft lips. It was meant as a quick thank-you-kiss, but the moment he touched his beautiful lover, inhaled his sweet scent, he already deepened it; bringing his hands up to Jim's head, fingers twisting in the wheat-colored strands. There was something deep in his stomach that wanted this, _needed_ this - needed to be kissed and touched, to be loved and taken care of. Briefly Leonard wondered why he felt it _now_ , right after the lawsuit against his rapist, but the thought was fleeting. In its stead, he was suddenly filled with hunger. Before his traumatized mind could decide against it, the doctor had ripped open the jacket of his uniform; leaning back on the couch and pulling Jim with him-

-or so was the plan. Leonard opened his eyes and half-glared at the younger man who seemed unwilling to follow his lead. "What's up, Jim?"  
His captain was biting his lips, looking thoroughly pained. "I don't think we should do this, Bones."  
The hazel-haired man furrowed his brow. "What?"  
"I mean, now, after a day like this! You're completely exhausted, and-"  
"Jim," Leonard interrupted, suddenly filled with dread, "...don't you want-? I mean, don't you want to-"  
"Oh Gods, Bones, of course I do!" Immediately, the younger man leaned down and kissed his lover deeply. "I really, really want to..."  
McCoy nodded, oddly relieved, forcing the slight trepidation he felt into the background. "Well, then I guess you just have to do all the work, darlin'," he mumbled in that southern drawl he knew was making Jim horny and, for good measure, pressed his hips upward into Jim's.  
Just as intended, the blond man groaned and leaned down again, running trembling hands up and down Leonard's body, who closed his eyes. There it was again - this need. More than anything in the world he wanted to show Jim how much he loved, how much he trusted him. His body thought likewise, striving towards his lover's touch, _wanting_ to be loved; yet his mind was still afraid-

"I love you, Bones."  
Opening his eyes again, Leonard looked up into blue eyes, clear and gentle though Jim's whole body was shaking with suppressed need. Suddenly he appreciated what an effort it must have been for Jim to not do what his instincts, his body were shouting at him to do, and what was offered to him right now. His lover was a self-assured, energetic young man with a keen instinct to conquer; yet he had surrendered control to Leonard since they'd been together - well, since he knew about what had happened to him. Kirk had been acting against his nature since then - for him.  
_'But is this fair?'_ Leonard wondered, _'Do I want him to deny himself forever, because I am too scared to let him take care of me?'_  
He thought he knew the answer, but before he could open his mouth, Jim continued: "I love you and I want to help you heal, if you let me; but we both had a rough day and tomorrow's gonna be ugly too, with the board calling the sentence and all... So, I'm gonna cook us something really, really good with all the calories you usually frown upon, and we will work on putting some weight back onto you!"  
With that, Kirk stood up; offering McCoy a hand to pull him up, too. Leonard took it and chuckled slightly. "Not afraid I might get fat, darlin'?" he asked coyly.  
"Not at all. I like my CMO's well-fed without any ribs poking out... And with a nice, smackable behind," the younger man added, playfully slapping Leonard across the backside. The older man raised his eyebrows.  
"Your CMOs? Plural?"  
Kirk grinned. "Would you like it better if I'd say 'my boyfriends'?"  
McCoy winced. "Hell, no."

Jonathan Burgh was sentenced to four years the next day.  
It was less than Cora had demanded, but it was likely that Alexander Marcus had pulled some strings in the background so his friend was not punished too severely. Kirk was outraged, as well as the rest of _Enterprise_ 's crew, but Leonard didn't really mind: being convicted meant that his tormentor would never teach anyone ever again, and his reputation was damaged as well. For Leonard personally, it meant also that he would probably never see him again, if he or Jim could help it, and that was enough.

The local press wrote about the case, but Admiral Pike saw to it that no reporter entered Star Fleet property so McCoy was left alone. Star Fleet itself was asked for a statement but gave none - Leonard was not surprised; the Fleet had its ways of dealing with unfortunate business, and the usual one was to hush things up. Also, he never heard an official apology for the way he had been treated, but he hadn't really expected one; Star Fleet would need a whole different kind of leadership before it could admit its faults, and McCoy feared it would not be in his lifetime. But he hoped the organization had learned from its' mistakes.

Standing in the bright sun in front of the court building, he enjoyed the warmth on his face and felt like he could breathe freely again for the first time in weeks.  
Jim was still inside, talking to the crew; now that the whole affair was over, it was important he resumed his duties as captain again. He and Scotty had already developed new ideas to improve their ship before she would be ready to rise again in about two weeks, on her deep-space-mission with Jim as her captain.  
_'As he should be,'_ McCoy thought.  
His musings were interrupted by a gentle cough behind him. Turning, he saw Spock standing there, looking slightly uncomfortable.

"Doctor," he greeted him.  
"Spock," Leonard acknowledged him, nodding kindly. On a day like this, he felt he could even become best buddies with the 'hobgoblin.'  
"I intended to congratulate you on your victory. If must be highly satisfactory."  
"Why yes, Spock, it is indeed _highly satisfactory_ ," McCoy chuckled softly, but turned serious very quickly.  
"Listen... I owe you thanks, for helping with my case. No, really," he insisted when the Vulcan raised his hand in deflection. "Without your and Cora's work... I might have lost. Thank you."  
Spock seemed even more uncomfortable with the praise, but nodded. His dark chocolate eyes locked with the doctor's hazel ones. "You're most welcome, Leonard. If there is anything else I can do for you, I am glad to be of service."  
McCoy looked away quickly, touched by the other man's words. "There... is somethin' I have been meanin' to ask you about, Spock... It's about Jim, also..."

The birds in the trees around them twittered merrily as the two men quietly talked.

 

It was late in the afternoon when Jim Kirk finally managed to detach himself from the Enterprise and 'Mother Hen' Scotty, as he had secretly nicknamed the enthusiastic chief engineer.  
_'No idea how he does it, but he manages to be even more fussy about the ship than I am, and I'm the captain,'_ Kirk thought to himself, shaking his head in quiet disbelief.  
Quickening his pace, he made his way over to the building where the officers had their lodgings; feeling slightly guilty: he had told Bones he would not be gone for long, yet the day had passed too quickly... But his lover understood. Jim was sure of it.  
Still, he patted the bottle of finest bourbon he had brought earlier and hidden in his uniform jacket - he intended to celebrate their victory tonight.  
_'I'll cook us something good, then we share a few drinks and...'_ Kirk grinned as he imagined how the night might further unfold.  
Still smiling in a decisively dirty way when he reached the door to their quarters, he let himself in.

The sight that greeted him was absolutely not what he had expected:  
His lover was sitting on the couch, with _Spock_ of all people beside him, and _Spock's_ hands on his face. The whole room was lit with candles, decisively warmer than the last time and smelling faintly of incense.

"Uh... Bones? What's going on? If you wanted to try a threesome, you could have told me," he tried to joke away the awkwardness.  
McCoy opened his eyes and glared at him. "Shut up, kid! Undress and come over here."  
Now Jim was wondering if he hadn't been too wide of the mark - until he saw Leonard's exasperated look.  
"Your uniform, Jim... Just get comfy, right?"  
"Right," the younger man answered and hurried to do as he was told, taking off his jacket and boots and walking over to his CMO and First Officer. Spock had removed his hands from Leonard's face and was looking calmly at Kirk, who sat down.  
"So... who's telling me what this is about?"  
"Jim..." Bones started hesitantly. "Remember when Spock performed the mind meld with me?"  
"Sure," his lover shrugged. "He looked into your memories."  
"True, Jim," the Vulcan agreed, "but that is not the only way a meld can be used."  
Intrigued, Kirk leaned forward. "I have heard stories about Vulcans creating a link between them. That they even share their thoughts. Do you mean that?"  
"Yes and no," Spock said. "To be able to hear another's thoughts it is necessary for both participants to be Vulcan, as humans have no telepathic abilities. But it is indeed possible to create a connection between two humans... A _bond_ , if you will."  
"..." Kirk stared, unable to voice his thoughts. McCoy took his hand, brushing with his thump over the knuckles, obviously very much intrigued with their shape. "Spock... told me that a meld between two Vulcan lovers is sometimes used as a ceremony... like a wedding," he said, blushing slightly.  
"...Bones," Jim whispered hoarsely, finally finding his voice. "Are you... are you asking me to marry you?"  
Leonard's blush deepened instantly. "No! I mean, sort of, but not in the way you think- uh," he broke off, looking helplessly at Spock, who deigned to explain further.  
"Jim, such a meld has nothing to do with the human custom of exchanging rings and signing papers. It can be forged even between close friends and has no sexual aspect in itself. The two Vulcans are usually able to... _feel_ the other. Also, they can communicate without words. Between two humans, I cannot say what the effect of the bond will be, but I expect you would be able to feel each other's emotions, as humans are generally inadequate at concealing them-"

"Hey, thanks, Spock," McCoy grumbled slightly.

"-and you will certainly know, over a distance, if the other is alive and healthy," the First Officer concluded, undeterred.  
"I got the idea for this when I talked with him after the meld with me," Leonard spoke quietly. "It sounded so... incredible."  
"Bones," Jim answered, lifting his hand to his lover's cheek. "Would you want me inside your head? You're such a private person... I don't want you to feel like I am invading your mind..."  
"You wouldn't be able to do so," the Vulcan immediately corrected him. "It takes a skilled telepath to enter somebody's mind without permission. And I am fully counting on the Doctor's stubbornness to shut you out if need be."  
Kirk laughed, his worries considerably diminished. "No doubt about that! Bones..." He caught the other man's eyes again. "If you're sure about this... Then I say yes to marry-meld with you!"  
"It's _not_ a marriage!!" McCoy protested, still blushing furiously but smiling all the same, his hazel-green eyes filled with affection.  
The blond man grinned back. "Sure, sure... So, how do we do this?"  
Leonard chuckled at the eager excitement of his young lover - this was so typically Jim; once he got the idea of something he rushed into it without a second thought.  
Spock cleared his throat: "Please sit next to the Doctor."  
Doing as he was told, Jim switched places with his Commander, looking at him expectantly.  
"Now, hold each other's hands."  
McCoy groaned. "Isn't this a bit too cheesy, Spock?"  
Spock looked slightly affronted. "On the contrary, Doctor; physical contact is crucial to-"  
"Sorry, Spock, he didn't mean it that way. _Of course_ Dr McCoy will follow your lead," Kirk interrupted the looming tirade, glaring at Bones, who held his hands up in silent surrender and then placed them in Jim's.  
Still looking a bit put-off, the Vulcan continued:" Now close your eyes and relinquish all thoughts. Try to sense the other's presence in front of you... Good," he nodded when he was satisfied with what he saw. "Next, I'm going to lay a hand on each of your faces and initiate a mind meld."  
Carefully placing his fingertips on the nerve joints in question, he too closed his eyes in concentration. "My mind to your mind..."

He found the doctor's mind easily, as traces of their recent connection were still there. Mentally moving through the haze that surrounded him and was proof of the man's instinct to guard himself, Spock proceeded. Concentrating harder, he tried to contact McCoy; not with thoughts this time but letting him feel his presence instead, receiving recognition quickly: the doctor's mind was no longer that abyss of emotion that seemed to draw him in but a quiet, dimly-lit place. In the distance, he could still sense the wall that hid the dark memories that haunted McCoy but the wall seemed thicker now, the darkness kept at bay by rays of light coming from the bright, sun-filled center of his mind.  
When the connection was firmly in place, Spock drew back slightly; focusing now on finding the other human...

The light that suddenly surrounded him was startling. Jim Kirk's mind was bright and easy to access; almost as if it wanted to be found. It attracted him like a moth was attracted to a flame; but without the danger of being burnt - Jim greeted him warmly and openly. Spock felt the urge to linger; it was such a nice place. But this was not about him.  
Drawing back again, he concentrated on both humans now, picturing the path between their minds, urging each to take it. He felt Jim follow his lead eagerly, felt his mind reach out to his lovers', stopping when it met the protective fog there. Spock sensed Jim hesitate, unsure how to proceed, and the Vulcan urged him further: _"Call out to him."_  
_"Bones?"_ Jim's mind followed his advice. _"Are you there?"_  
A faint answer reached them through the fog: _"Jim..."_  
Leonard sounded muted, as if he was still holding back. Spock focused on him; the fog no hindrance for his telepathic abilities. _"Doctor, you need to dissolve the fog. The Captain can't enter your mind like this."_  
He felt a surge of desperation. _"How, Spock?"_  
_"Trust him, Leonard. Let him in. He means no harm."_  
He felt the human struggle to remove the fog, but it was difficult. A mind can't be changed so easily.  
_"Find the path between you, Leonard. Follow it."_

Leonard concentrated on the fog in front of him, trying to cut through it. He sensed Jim hovering somewhere close by; waiting for him. He focused with all his might on that beloved presence, forcing the fog back until he saw a light. Picturing himself moving towards it, Leonard reached out: _"Jim? I'm here."_  
_"Bones,"_ the bright spot answered happily, coming closer. _"There you are!"_  
_"Yes, I'm here. Sorry for making you wait, kid."_  
Leonard marveled at the colorful, enticing presence that was his lover. _"Trust Jim to have a mind like a rainbow bubble..."_  
_"Hey, I heard that!"_ his lover protested. Leonard winced; he forgot his thoughts were not his own right now.  
Suddenly he felt a third mind that had been discreetly in the background step forward. _"I will leave now. Once I remove my hands from you, you will most likely no longer hear your thoughts, but stay focused on your emotions; they will always guide you towards each other."_  
_"Thank you, Spock,"_ Leonard thought, sending the grudging affection he felt for the half-Vulcan towards him; smiling when he sensed something similar echoing back. _"For everything."_  
_"You are very welcome...friends,"_ the mind answered, then was gone.

Spock opened his eyes slowly, alone in his mind again. He stood up, taking care not to disturb the two men in front of him who were still connected through their shared feeling of love. Allowing himself a rare smile, he thought of his own love. _'It seems I have to contact Nyota again...'_  
At the door, he paused, looking back at the two men he truly called friends contently. They would be fine.

 

A long while - or had it just been minutes? - later, Jim and Leonard opened their eyes again, sighing with the loss of their connection, but equally happy. Still holding hands, they mutely regarded each other for a while, savoring the gentle, almost indiscernible pulse of their new bond.  
Then, with an inscrutable look in his dark golden eyes, Leonard raised Jim's hand to his mouth, placing a gentle kiss on it. "Will you love me, Jim?"  
"Always, Bones!" The blond man nodded vigorously. "Always."  
Leonard smiled, but shook his head. "No, I meant: will you _love_ me?"  
"I - uh," Jim stuttered, finally getting what his the other man meant. "I mean... do you want me to?"  
The doctor simply nodded. Jim lifted his other hand and placed it on his lover's cheek, still unsure.  
"Really?"  
" _Yes_ , Jim," Leonard snapped, exasperated. "I do, as soon as you stop acting like a damn teenager!"  
"Alright - sorry," the younger man said, excitement and wariness equal on his features. Leonard sighed softly, leaning forward and capturing Jim's mouth in a deep kiss, his hands cradling the other's head. He felt Jim follow suit, answering him with youthful vigor. Leonard felt it again, then - that spark, deep in his belly. Passion welling up, he ripped at the shirt that still covered his lover's upper body; not pausing when he heard it tear.  
Jim was quick in removing the now useless garment, shoving his hands under Leonard's shirt and got rid of it next, but without ripping it. Though he was feeling the urge to pin his lover down and make love to him _right now_ , he firmly reigned in his passion: he wasn't fooled by Bones' self-assured words. He had to, he _needed_ to make this good for him.  
So Jim pulled back. Quickly taking in his surroundings, he stood up; startling the other man slightly.  
"Jim...?"  
"Just a moment, Bones." Moving around the room, he extinguished some of the candles; dimming the light in the background but leaving the ones surrounding the couch and the space in front of it. Collecting the soft blanket from the armchair, he unfolded it and placed it in front of the couch, in the middle of the island of light he had created.  
Leonard's eyes followed his preparations, a wry smile on his lips: "You're truly a romantic, Jim, you know that?"  
The younger man smiled, but didn't answer; instead, he went over to their bedroom and collected the lube from the nightstand. Setting it down next to the blanket, he looked into his lover's eyes; they were dark and unreadable. Holding Bones' gaze, he very deliberately opened his pants, sliding them down his thigh, his legs; finally stepping out when they pooled at his feet. He was already aroused; his whole body pulsating with need, but he stood calmly and let his lover set the pace.

Leonard's eyes roamed over his captain's body; once again taking in every detail. _'He's so fuckin' gorgeous.'_  
Although he'd felt slightly apprehensive when he saw what Jim had brought back from their bedroom, he was now feeling a surge of raw lust while he contemplated his lover's body. "Gods, Jim... Come here," he almost growled, voice rough with desire.  
The younger man complied, sitting down on his heels on the blanket, but holding his hand out for Leonard to take it. He didn't hesitate; quickly joining Jim on the floor, he let himself be pulled into his lover's arms and sealed their lips again in a bruising kiss.  
Instinct told him to take the lead as he had done the other times they had had sex, but Leonard was firmly quelling it: it was time to show Jim how much he trusted him; to let this relationship become truly equal. And Leonard felt it was also time to permit himself to forget, to permit himself to be loved.  
So he wrapped an arm around Jim, pulling him with him as he laid down.

Jim was breathless from the passionate, almost brutal kiss; but through the mild dizziness, he noticed the change in Bones' attitude. His lover pulled him down and on top of him, urging Jim to take control. Breaking the kiss, he looked into Bones' eyes; they were open and trusting. It sent a surge of warmth and protectiveness through Jim and raised his confidence at the same time.  
_'Bones is right. I can't act like a teenager... I can't disappoint him, I need to show him that he can rely on me... that he's safe with me.'_  
Keeping that thought in mind, he let his hand wander south towards the waistband of Bones' sweatpants, pulling them down unhurriedly; at the same time kissing and licking his way down his lover's upper body. When he felt his lover relax under his ministrations, he slowly removed his pants, aided by Bones, who raised his hips slightly.  
Jim released the breath he didn't know he'd been holding when he saw that the other man was aroused as well. Admiringly, almost reverently, the young captain let his fingertips follow the curves of his lover's body, causing a twitch when he reached a spot just above the hip. Bones squirmed slightly and cast a mock-annoyed look at him: "Stop ticklin' me, kid!"  
Jim smiled and soothed the irritated muscles with the palm of his hand. "I'm sorry... You're a real feast for the eyes, you know that, Bones?"  
The older man chuckled. "So ya keep tellin' me, darlin'; though I'd still say you're butterin' me up. 'Sides, you can stop wooin' me now, Jim, I'm already yours for the takin'."  
Jim laughed along but shook his head at the same time.  
"You simply have no eye for beauty."  
"I'd say I do."  
The loving look Bones was giving him was making Jim feel cherished beyond anything he had ever felt. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he once again vowed to himself to never betray this unconditional love.  
Leaning forward again, he placed a soft kiss on his beloved's lips. Then, he moved down his body until he was aligned with Bones' manhood, and with a quick peck on the tip, took it in his mouth.  
He was rewarded instantly with a low moan and the sight of his lover's rapt face. Smiling around his length, he set an even pace, not too quick; this was for Bones and he wanted it to last as long as possible.

Leonard closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the floor, his body void of all sensation but this devilishly wonderful feeling of Jim's mouth on him which sent his mind into oblivion.  
_'Oh my- This is...'_  
Even before he could finish the thought - or had he spoken aloud? - it was gone again, replaced by those wicked lips and tongue that worked him. Leonard couldn't help but bury his fingers in the other man's fair hair, voicelessly asking for more.  
Jim was happy to oblige. Quickening the pace, he swirled his tongue around the tip in a motion that he knew was sure to push his lover over the edge, and with a deep shudder and a shout, his mouth was filled with heat.

It took Leonard a while to come back to his senses.  
When he did, he raised himself onto his elbows to look at Jim, who was contentedly licking the semen off his lips.  
"Jim," he panted, voice husky. "That was..."  
"Awesome, I know," the young man replied, grinning. "Just one of my many talents, though."  
Leonard almost started to lecture him about his big ego when he noticed the faint shivering that went through his lover's body - Jim had put his own needs aside to tend to Leonard's, but his body was giving him away.  
Swallowing hard, the hazel-haired man took his hand. "Jim-"  
"We don't have to do anything else, Bones," his captain replied, reading his thoughts. "I'm fine."  
"Bullshit. You deserve this, too, Jim... And I... I want this." He found to his surprise that it was true. Though he felt a twinge of apprehension, he wanted this chapter of his life to be truly over. "I really do."  
Clear blue eyes held his own gaze for a long moment. Finally, Jim nodded. "Okay."

Jim watched as Bones closed his eyes again, seemingly resigned. Some of the relaxation had faded again, and he could almost feel the tension creeping into the other man. _'Almost feel...?'_  
He furrowed his brow, concentrating on that spark of emotion he had gotten from Bones: he had almost forgotten their new connection. But now that he knew what he was looking for, he felt his lover's anxiety very distinctly.  
Wondering if it would work, he placed a hand on his lover's chest, over his heart. Then he tried to _push_ a feeling of calmness, of security towards him.  
He knew he had succeeded when Bones opened his eyes again, smiling softly. Slowly, very deliberately, Jim let his hands wander south again, stroking, fondling; until he saw his lover breathing deeply again, his body responding to the erotic touch anew.  
When he was sure Bones was relaxed again, Jim quickly pulled the lid from the tin of lube and coated his hand with it. Rubbing the lotion between his fingers to warm it up, he brought them to his lover's entrance, gently, slowly sliding his index finger in.

Leonard didn't want to, but he felt his body tense up instinctively. He felt Jim's hand still immediately, but he couldn't help it that a quiet whimper escaped him, which embarrassed him extremely.  
_'Stop acting like a frightened child!'_ he berated himself angrily. His heart was beating fast.  
"Go on, Jim," he bit out, trying to control his faint trembling when the blond man entered a second digit, finally a third, carefully preparing him. Leonard registered that he was in no pain at all, but his body seemed to remember the agony from the last time. Faintly, he heard Jim asking him if he should stop.

_...He could feel himself tear, warm blood lubricating his passage, running from between his thighs down his legs in thin, light red paths, bleeding into his soul..._

He closed his eyes. "I love you, Jim."

Though he could not hear his thoughts, Jim sensed some of his lover's emotions through their bond, felt some of his fear, and it made him hate the man who had caused all this even more. Bones' rapist had brought his lover to expect pain, and it made Jim feel ill.  
_'That was all so twisted and sick... I want to show him...'_  
"Bones, please... Let me show you how it's supposed to be," he whispered, torn by compassion at his lover's turmoil. Removing his hand, he leaned in, taking Bones' face in his hands and kissing him deeply. Once again, he projected all his determination to protect towards him, and then, he felt something coming back; _gratitude_ and a feeling of trust.  
Putting his arms around him, Jim pulled Bones up and towards him, into a sitting position with his lover on his lap. Bones opened his eyes then, and, never relinquishing his look, lowered himself onto Jim.

It was not what he had expected.  
Though there was a faint sense of discomfort, it was nothing like the painful stretching he had feared; and even the discomfort eased as Leonard shifted carefully, trying to loosen himself after the instinctive tension. Jim stayed still; waiting for him, giving him time to adjust.  
When he was sure he was completely comfortable, Leonard began to move slowly, almost suspiciously; as if he waited for the pain to come. But there was none, and he grew bolder; putting his arms around his blond lover's shoulders, using him to pull himself up until only the tip of Jim's member remained inside; then pushing down again, shuddering with the intensity of the unique sensation of being whole.  
Jim fit him perfectly; as if the two of them were made to fit together, and Leonard felt he could almost weep with relief.  
His lover did his best to enhance his comfort, kissing and stroking every part of his body that he could reach, mumbling his nickname over and over.

As he picked up the pace, the doctor felt something slowly built up inside him; something that promised bliss and _urged_ him to let himself go. Panting, he looked down at Jim, meeting his eyes: they were alight with rapture, almost glowing in the candlelight; and Leonard shuddered with excitement: this was not the young man that smiled so easily and never worried about a thing; this was the captain that commanded a spaceship and was responsible for every single soul on it. Who boldly went where no one has gone before.  
"Jim," Leonard breathed, leaning back.

It was all the incentive Jim needed. Skidding forward, he followed his lover's movement until he was positioned above him, with Leonard on his back, his legs wrapped tightly around him. He began to move, setting a deep, controlled pace; holding himself back while trying to reach that certain spot in Bones that had always made him see stars when his lover had taken him. He listened to Bones' moaning, changing the angle slightly, and-  
-almost lost his balance when the hazel-haired man convulsed, arching his back and pressing his thighs against him, gasping.  
"Bo-Bones," he panted, slowing down. "Did I hurt-"  
"Don't you _dare_ stop now, Jim," The other man actually growled. Grinning, Jim leaned down to kiss him; quickening his thrusts again, angling for his lover's sweet spot every time now that he'd found it. Bones threw his head back, lips parting. Jim could only stare at the wonderful, erotic sight in front of him: sweat glistening like pearls on that smooth, tanned skin, face flushed and hazel hair tousled, Bones could damn well be some ancient greek god. As if he had sensed his adoration, his lover looked at him and Jim was suddenly lost in his eyes; molten gold in the flickering light.

Leonard could hardly believe his own body. After all he had experienced, he had firmly believed that this kind of union was not for him; that it wouldn't be possible for him to enjoy it, but here he was - panting and moaning and meeting Jim's movements with his own.  
Again, he felt something unique and new building up, and he tightened the hold of his legs around Jim, urging him on; but his lover kept his thrusts measured.  
"Jim...?" he asked, frowning mildly.  
"I don't... want to hurt you," the younger man panted. "This is your first time-"  
"Jim, you damn well know-"  
"Let me finish! This is your first time with someone who loves you!"  
This shut Leonard up. Though he was incredibly touched by his captain's words; he wanted him to know that he was fine - that he even wanted more.  
_'Time to see if this bond-thing is workin' both ways...'_  
Reaching out with his hand as well as with his mind, he tried to sense his beloved... and found him immediately. Jim's presence was distinct; his emotions plain and manifold, enhanced by their lovemaking. Holding firmly onto that connection, he pushed his own feelings into it, letting Jim see for himself that he was well... and needing something _more_.

Jim widened his eyes in surprise when he understood what Bones was doing.  
_'He's... okay. I AM making this good for him! ...He even wants me to...'_  
Suddenly completely confident after sensing his lover's approval, he smiled down at him, licking his lips excitedly; seeing the other man nod his encouragement.  
Finally relinquishing his self-restraint, Jim bent forward, bringing their bodies together; pinning Bones to the floor and wrapping his arms around him. The new angle made it possible for him to enter the other man more deeply and his lover thanked him for it with a low moan of pleasure. Between them, Bones' erection profited from the friction between them.  
When he felt that he was close, Jim increased the tempo further, wanting to take Bones over the edge with him. Concentrating on their bond, he sensed the other man was almost there, too.  
_'This is... damned good.'_  
He didn't know whose thought it had been, but it pushed Jim over the edge; his hands gripping the other man for dear life. He felt Bones reach completion, too; the sudden tightness around his cock almost too much to bear. Shouting his lover's name, Jim all but collapsed on him; shivering with the last throes of passion.

Leonard's breathing was fast; his heart pounding in his chest as if he'd just run a marathon. Blinking through the blond hair that now blocked his view, he slowly came down from his place in the clouds. His blood was still pumping adrenaline through his veins, sharpening his senses; making him feel the mutual heat of their bodies that were still pressed together, Jim's cock still inside him; hear their panting, smell their sweat... It was perfect.  
Putting his arms around the younger man, Leonard buried his nose in the straw-colored strands, breathing in his lover's sweet scent, waiting for him to come down to earth as well.

Finally, Jim pulled himself up and onto his elbows, looking down at the other man.  
"Bones... was it... did I-"  
"Shh. It was wonderful, kid."  
Leonard almost laughed out loud - gone was the commanding Star Fleet captain again, in his stead a young man with big puppy eyes that wanted to hear that he had done well. Obviously satisfied, Jim snuggled close again, resting his head against the older man's chest.  
For several minutes, neither said anything; both contend to simply lie in each other's arms. Then Jim broke the silence.

"You know - this might be something of a mood killer, but Pike commed me a few hours ago. The _Enterprise_ is shipshape again and ready to go. I've already sent notes to our crew. But... I would understand if you want to spend a few more days on earth."  
Leonard was surprised. "Really, Jim? I'd have thought you'd want to be back in space as soon as humanly possible."  
"Yeah, but I thought... I mean, we are kind of married now, and maybe we could spend a few days away from all this. And if you want, we could visit Joanna..."  
Touched, Leonard raised himself to look in his lover's face. "You want to come with me?"  
Jim shrugged, blushing mildly. "I mean, Jocelyn invited us, didn't she? And I know you miss Georgia - you could show me around, feed me peaches, make me drink sweet tea..."

The doctor chuckled with amusement. "Feed you peaches? I thought I'm the one that needed fattenin' up?"  
Jim mock-pouted. "If you don't want to, fine, then I'll get them myself and leave none for you!"

The southerner laughed in earnest now.

"I'll get you all the peaches of Georgia, darlin'..."

 

_Life is fine! Fine as wine! Life is fine!_

 

^^y^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end. I hope you like it, and I want to thank everyone who left kudos or a comment; you're the ones who really make me write (especially as I'm a slow writer and usually need one hour for half a page)! 
> 
> If you enjoyed reading the fanfiction, please tell me so; and if you didn't, tell me why.  
> Goodbye (for now)!!  
> Yours sincerely, Coco  
> P.S.: The last poem is an excerpt of 'Life is Fine' by Langston Hughes.


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